18++ 30 Sep 2004

A man is running short of cash in the bar, so he bets the barmaid
ten bucks that he can bite his right eye. She thinks about it for
a minute and figures it's a safe bet, so she says, "You're on."

The guy pulls out his glass eye-ball and bites it. The joke was
on her and she laughs as she hands over the ten bucks.

A little while later he offers her a chance to get her money back.
He bets her ten bucks that he can bite his left eye. She thinks
about it and knowing that he can see, thinks it's a safe bet.
Once again she says, "You're on."

The guy pulls out his false teeth and bites his left eye. Laughingly
she pays again.

Later on he gives her a chance to get her money back. He bets her
twenty bucks, double or nothing, that he can screw her without her
feeling a thing. This is one she's sure she can win, so she takes
the bet. After she gets off work, the two of them head for the back
of the bar. The guy throws her over the hood of an abandoned car and
begins ravishing her, without signs of ever stopping.

Ecstatically she cries out, "Oooh ... I can feel it ... I can feel it!!
I win the bet!"

The guy, zipping up his pants mutters, "Oh well, I guess I win some and
I lose some."

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18++ 29 Sep 2004

I was happy. My girlfriend and I had been dating for
over a year, and so we decided to get married. My
parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged
me, and my girlfriend? She was a dream! There was only
one thing bothering me, very much indeed.
That one thing was her younger sister. My prospective
sister-in-law was twenty years of age.
One day little sister called and asked me to come over
to check the wedding invitations.
She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me
that soon I was to be married, and she had
feelings and desires for me that she couldn't
overcome and didn't really want to overcome.
She told me that she wanted to make love to me just
once before I got married and committed
my life to her sister. I was in total shock and
couldn't say a word.
She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom,and if you
want to go ahead with it just come up and get me." I
was stunned. I was frozen in shock as I watched her go
up the stairs.
I stood there for a moment, then turned and went
straight to the front door.
I opened the door and stepped out of the house and
walked straight towards my car.
My future father-in-law was standing outside. With
tears in his eyes he hugged
me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed
our little test.
We couldn't ask for better man for our daughter.
Welcome to the family."
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The moral of this story is:

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Always keep your condoms in the car...

shared by Prashant

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18++ 28 Sep 2004

The bar was getting ready to close, so John asked the
nearest woman, "What would you say to a little "oral"
activity?"

"That all depends,..." she quickly responded.
"...Your face, or mine?"

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18++

On their wedding night, Bruce displays his member to his new blonde
virgin bride and tells her it's the only one in the world. She, of
course, believes him.

He's gone for a conference for a couple of weeks.

He returns, only to be questioned by his new blonde wife. "Bruce,"
she says, "I thought you said you had the only one in the world. But
Harry at the drug store has one too."

"Well, er," Bruce flusters, "Harry and I were in the war together, I
had two, so I gave him one of mine."

"Oh. Well, why did you give him the best one?"

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18++

Three male crows are flying over head when one spots a dove.
He swoops down, picks up the dove and takes it into the bushes. After a
few minutes, the dove comes out and says, "I'm a dove and I've been loved!"

The crows continue on. A little later the second bird sees a lark. He
swoops down, picks it up and goes into the bushes. A few minutes later,
the lark comes out and says, "I'm a lark and I've been sparked!"

The crows continue on. A little later the third one sees a duck.
He swoops down, picks it up and takes it into the bushes. After a few
minutes the bird comes out, then goes back in. Then the duck comes out
and says, "I'm a drake and there's been a big mistake!"

Enjoy
Chirag
:c )

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18++

A husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop, with
them are their 8 children. A blind man joins them after a few
minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife
and her eight children are able to fit in the bus.

So the husband and the blind man decide to
walk. After a while the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the
stick of the blind man and says to him: "Why don't you put a piece of
rubber at the end of your stick, that tick sound is driving me crazy!!"
The blind man replies: "If you would've put a rubber on the end of
YOUR stick, we'd be sitting in the bus, so shut up!!!!"

shared by Prashant

Enjoy
Chirag
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18++

Good in Bed

There once was a lady who was tired of living alone. So she put an ad in the
paper which outlined her requirements. She wanted a man who 1) would treat
her nicely, 2) wouldn't run away from her, and 3) would be good in bed.
Then, one day, she heard the doorbell ring. She answered it, and there on
the front porch was a man in a wheel chair who didn't have any arms or legs.

"I'm here about the ad you put in the paper. As you can see, I have no arms
so I can't beat you, and I have no legs so I can't run away from you."

"Yes, but are you good in bed?"

"How do you think I rang the doorbell?"


Enjoy
Chirag
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18++

1. Press asks PM...
Apne sapne me bhi socha tha ki ap kabhi pm banege?

Manmohan : Ye to sab Sonia ke hath ka kamal hai varna hamara to khada

hona mushkil tha...!


2. Baap: Kyun beta ladki pa$and aayi tumhe?

Beta: Papa ladki toh bahut moti hai.

Baap: beta ghar kitana bhi bada ho, darwaaja chota hi hota hai!


3.A man phoned & asked: "Hello, is it 221714?

Lady-Hindi me bolo,

Man:Do-Do-Ek-SaT Choda?

Lady-Nahi Sir,RELIANCE HAI. Teen-Teen-Eksath chodha 331714


4. Lady n shopkeeper negotiating for d price of Bra n Panty

Shopkeeper- bhabi ji Bra mein aapka raha.. lekin Panty mein to

aapko mera rakna padega...


5. Why is Delhi a male city (Mahanagar) and Mumbai a female city


(mahanagri) ? ? ?

Ans: Delhi has Qutab Minar while Mumbai has Gateway of INDIA!




6. Kay aap SEX karte hai.....

Kya aap CONDOM use karte hai....

Kya aap AIDS se darte hai....

to aap HATH se Q nahi karte hai...

HATH chale to AIDS tale...



shared by Prashant

Enjoy
Chirag
:c )

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18++ 17 Sep 2004

Scene: A class room


Question: BUS..........male or female?

There is a classroom of some small children (5-7yrs), with a genius boy
(Bablu) and a smart one (Pappu).The dialogue between the two and the teacher
goes something like this:

Bablu: "Teacher, teacher! Is Bus male or female?
Teacher: Thinking.......
Pappu: "Teacher, teacher! It is female"
Bablu: "Kyon?"
Pappu: "Kyon ki sab log uspe chadte hain."
Teacher is pareshan. While Bablu gets in doubt.
Bablu: "Agar bus female hai aur sab uspe chadte hain to uske bacche
kyon nahin hote?" Teacher is more pareshan.
Pappu: "Kyon ki sab us par peeche se chadte hain."
Teacher is now hiding her face. Bablu gets into another doubt.
Bablu: "Maana sabhi peeche se chadte hain, but driver aur conductor to aagay
se chadte hain. Phir bachche kyon nahin hote?"
Teacher is sweating as it is getting too much to handle.
Pappu replies: "Kyon ki woh dono topi pehanke chadte hain."
Teacher faints !!!!!!!


shared by Prashant
Enjoy
Chirag
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18++

A woman from Alabama, who knew absolutely nothing about sex, fell
in love with a man and agreed to marry him. As their wedding day
approached, she became very nervous about her impending de-
flowering. Putting her anxiety aside, she decided that she would
just marry her man and let him do whatever it was that he wanted
to do.

The honeymoon went well and was great fun, but as soon as she got
home, she went to see her doctor to question him on some of the
new things she'd seen.

"What can I help you with?" he asked.

She said, "Well first, what is that thing between my husband's legs
called?"

"Madam," he answered, "that there is called a penis."

"I see," she said. "Now what is the big thing on the end of the
penis called?"

The old doctor smiled and said, "Why that there is called the head
of the penis."

"I do declare!" exclaimed the young woman. "One last question
doctor, what are those two big round things about 12-14 inches behind
the head of the penis?"

He paused and said "I'm not sure about your husband, madam, but on
me, they're called the cheeks of my ass!"


Enjoy
Chirag
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18++

I knew a girl at work once, who was truly concerned about her husband's
smoking. She told me that she had finally gotten him to agree to limit
his smoking at home to only those times when they had finished making
love. She had gotten the idea from a classic movie they had both seen
on TV called "Cold Turkey".

After about a week I asked her how it was going. "Well, not too bad."
she said, getting up off of a pillow she had in her chair and limping
towards the photocopy machine. "I've gotten him down to about a pack
a night now."

Enjoy
Chirag
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18++

A man finally gets his prescription for Viagra. Anxious to try it out, he
takes one as soon as he gets home, and waits for his wife to come home
from work, but in his excitement he forgets and leaves the package open
on the table and his cockatiel eats all of them.

Seeing the results and panicking the man grabs the bird and stuffs him
into the freezer to cool off.

Unfortunately, his Viagra kicks in just as his wife comes home and it
is hours later before he remembers the cockatiel. He runs and looks
in the freezer expecting the worst, only to find the bird breathing
heavily, drained with sweat, and totally exhausted.

"What happened?" the man asks, "You were in there for hours and yet
you're not only alive but you're sweating like crazy!"

The cockatiel pants: "Man, have you ever tried to pry apart the
legs on a frozen chicken?"

Enjoy
Chirag
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18++

A surgeon went to check on his patient after an operation.
She was awake, so he examined her. "You'll be fine" he said.
She asked, "How long will it be before I am able to have a
normal sex life again doctor?"

The surgeon seemed to pause, which alarmed the girl.

"What's the matter doctor? I will be all right, won't I?"

He replied, "Yes, you'll be fine. It's just that no one has
ever asked me that after having their tonsils out."


Enjoy
Chirag
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18++

Don't Kick the Animals, Man

A boy awoke and wanted breakfast so he told his mother. She said, "Not until
you feed the animals."
The boy went outside and said to the chicken, "I don't feel like feeding you
today." So he kicked the chicken. He did the same with the cow and the pig.
The boy then went back into the house and told his mother he was hungry. His
mother said, "I saw you kick the chicken so you're not getting any eggs, I
saw you kick the cow so you're not getting any milk and I saw kick the pig
so you're not getting any bacon."

Just then the boy's father walked down the steps and tripped over and kicked
the cat and the boy said, "Mom should I tell him?"

Enjoy
Chirag
:c )

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18++

Two executives working in the garment center are having lunch together.
Goldstein says to his friend, "Last week was one of the worst weeks of
my entire life."

"Why? What happened?" asks Birnbaum.

Goldstein moans, "My wife and I went to Florida on vacation. It rained for
seven days and seven nights, so my wife went out and spent thousands of
dollars on the credit card. I came back to New York and found out that my
rat brother-in-law accountant has been ripping me off for millions. And to
top it all off, when I came in to work on Monday morning, I found my son
having sex with my best model on my desk!"

"You think you had a bad week?" responds Birnbaum. "My week was even worse!
I went to Florida on vacation with my wife and it rained for seven days and
seven nights, so my wife went out and spent thousands on the credit card.
Then, when I got back to New York, I found out that my rat cousin accountant
has been ripping me off for millions. To top it all off, when I came in to
my office on Monday, I found my son having sex with my best model on my
desk!"

"How can you say that your week was worse than mine?" asks Goldstein. "It
was identical!"

"Shmuck!" replies Birnbaum. "I manufacture men's wear!"

Enjoy
Chirag
:c )

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For your convenience above lists are also published as blogs at following
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You can use any blog reader to access them (for e.g. http://www.blogger.com)
or Go to the above URL's directly.

18++

One day Little Nancy got her "monthly bleeding" for the first time in
her life. Having failed to understand what was going on and being really
frightened, she decided to share her trouble with little Pauly. Having
found Pauly she told and showed him what her problem was.

Paul's face grew serious and he said, "You know, I'm not a doctor, but
it looks like someone just ripped your balls off!"

Enjoy
Chirag
:c )

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Other Mailing Lists just for you
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Joke of The Day - Cool Jokes for you.
Worth Reading - Poems, articles etc.
18++ - Mature Jokes.
Quotation of the Day - Great quotations.

Just mail for the subscription...

For your convenience above lists are also published as blogs at following
URLS
Joke of The Day - http://joketimefolks.blogspot.com/
Worth Reading - http://readingtimefolks.blogspot.com/
18++ - http://18plusplus.blogspot.com/
Quotation of the Day - http://quotationoftheday.blogspot.com/
You can use any blog reader to access them (for e.g. http://www.blogger.com)
or Go to the above URL's directly.

18++

Why Women are better :

* We can get rid of leg hair without pretending that we
do a lot of cycling/swimming, or any other sport that
would require aerodynamic legs.

* We absently hum tunes from musicals without anyone
being suspect of our sexuality.

* When we buy a vibrator it is glamorous.
When men buy a blow up doll it's sad.

* We can use cosmetics should we wake up looking
like something the cat dragged in.

* We can wear platforms - which is why there is no
such thing as a "short woman's complex."

* We don't have to get our strength up between sessions...
...and it's much easier for us to get laid in the first place.

* We can get off with teenagers without being called
dirty old perverts.

* We never ejaculate prematurely.

* We can scare male bosses with mysterious
gynecological disorder excuses.

* We get to flirt with systems support men who always
return our calls, and are nice to us when we blow up
our computers.

* We know that Tetris is the computer game
to end all games.

* We got off the Titanic first.

* Our boyfriend's clothes make us look elfin and
gorgeous - they look like complete dicks in ours.

* We have total control over our eyebrows.

* We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers.

* It's cool to be a daddy's girl.
It's sad to be a mommy's boy.

* We can cry and get off speeding fines.

* The thrill of surprising people by being good at darts...
and pool.....and football.

* We live longer, so we can be cantankerous old biddies
wearing inappropriate clothes and shouting at strangers......

* Men die earlier so we get to cash in on the life insurance.

* We know that games are fun, but don't believe there's
a direct correlation between the size of our scores and
the size of our genitals.

* Taxis stop for us.

* We get drunk quicker and cheaper.

* We have no desire to arrange our possessions
in alphabetical order. Ever!

* We've never fancied a cartoon character or
the central figure in a computer game.

* It does not enhance our social standing to understand
the inner workings of a 'ruck'(or any other rugby thing).
But we look INCREDIBLY cool if we do.

* We never recognise ourselves in aspects of Mr Bean.
Ever.

* We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.

* Sorry........... We are just better.

***********************************************
"Male sexual response is far brisker and more automatic.
It is triggered easily by things -- like putting a quarter in a
vending machine."
-Dr. Alex Comfort

Enjoy
Chirag
:c )

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18++

A nun visits a doc for urine test. Her report gets
exchanged.
Doc: Nun u r pregnant.
Nun: Oh my god! We can't even trust candles now!


shared by Prashant

Enjoy
Chirag
:c )

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ur name, please send a mail to me at chiragg4u@yahoo.com for the
same.

Other Mailing Lists just for you
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Joke of The Day - Cool Jokes for you.
Worth Reading - Poems, articles etc.
18++ - Mature Jokes.
Quotation of the Day - Great quotations.

Just mail for the subscription...

For your convenience above lists are also published as blogs at following
URLS
Joke of The Day - http://joketimefolks.blogspot.com/
Worth Reading - http://readingtimefolks.blogspot.com/
18++ - http://18plusplus.blogspot.com/
Quotation of the Day - http://quotationoftheday.blogspot.com/
You can use any blog reader to access them (for e.g. http://www.blogger.com)
or Go to the above URL's directly.

18++

Bread.

Banana Bread Recipe
-------------------

Ingredients:

.. 2 x Laughing Eyes
.. 2 x Loving Arms
.. 2 x Well Shaped Legs
.. 2 x Firm Milk Containers
.. 1 x Fur Lined Mixing Bowl
.. 1 x Large Banana

Directions:

.. Look into the 2 x laughing eyes.
.. Spread the 2 x well shaped legs.
.. Squeeze and massage 2 x firm milk containers very gently, until
1 x fur lined mixing bowl is well greased. Check frequently with
your middle finger only, if you want the result faster.
.. Add firm 1 x large banana into the 1 x fur lined bowl, after the
bowl is well greased. Work gently in and out until the 1 x large
banana is well creamed.
.. As heat starts to rise, plunge the firm 1 x large banana deeper
into
the 1 x fur lined mixing bowl, this time working the and out
process
faster.
.. Once the firm 1 x large banana is ready, it will squirt out banana
juice. Use this juice to cover the nuts, for extra taste.
.. Sigh with relief, leave to soak for 10 minutes.
.. Bread is well done when banana is soft.

Note: Be sure to wash the 1 x fur lined mixing bowl and other mixing
utensil.
DO NOT LICK BOWL.

P.S: If bread starts to rise again, pack your bags and leave town.

Enjoy
Chirag
:c )

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ur name, please send a mail to me at chiragg4u@yahoo.com for the
same.

Other Mailing Lists just for you
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Joke of The Day - Cool Jokes for you.
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18++ - Mature Jokes.
Quotation of the Day - Greate quotations.

Just mail for the subscription...