Friday, December 29, 2006

18++ 29 Dec 2006 [Happy New Year]

Hard-Of-Hearing Horse
A bunch of Indians capture a cowboy and bring him back to their camp to
meet the chief. The chief says to the cowboy, "You are going to die. But
we feel sorry for you, so we will give you one wish a day for three
days. On sundown of the third day, you die. What is your first wish?"

The cowboy says, "I want to see my horse."

The Indians get his horse. The cowboy grabs the horse's ear and whispers
something, then slaps the horse on the ass. The horse takes off. Two
hours later, the horse comes back with a naked blonde.

She jumps off the horse and goes into the teepee with the cowboy. The
Indians look at each other, figuring, "Typical white man - can only
think of one thing."

The second day, the chief says, "What is your wish today?"

The cowboy says, "I want to see my horse again."

The Indians bring him his horse. The cowboy leans over to the horse and
whispers something in the horse's ear, then slaps it on the ass. Two
hours later, the horse comes back with a naked redhead. She gets off and
goes in the teepee with the cowboy.

The Indians shake their heads, figuring, "Typical white man - going to
die and can only think of one thing."

The last day comes, and the chief says, "This is your last wish, white
man. What you want?"

The cowboy says, "I want to see my horse again." The Indians bring him
his horse. The cowboy grabs the horse by both ears, twists them hard and
yells, "Read my lips! POSSE, damn it! P-O-S-S-E!"

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JOKE OF THE DAY
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As wise men say, a joke a day keeps the doctor away. So step into the
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WORTH READING
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Things they do not teach you at college! Life's puzzle unfolded. Words
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Tuesday, December 26, 2006

18++ 27 Dec 2006

Camouflage Training

During camouflage training in Louisiana, a private disguised as a tree
trunk had made a sudden move that was spotted by a visiting general.
"You simpleton!" the officer barked. "Don't you know that by jumping and
yelling the way you did, you could have endangered the lives of the
entire company?"

"Yes sir," the solder answered apologetically. "But, if I may say so, I
did stand still when a flock of pigeons used me for target practice. And
I never moved a muscle when a large dog peed on my lower branches. But
when two squirrels ran up my pants leg and I heard the bigger say,
"Let's eat one now and save the other until winter' ---that did it!"

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JOKE OF THE DAY
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As wise men say, a joke a day keeps the doctor away. So step into the
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WORTH READING
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chance to question the priorities of existence and also to get their
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Friday, December 22, 2006

18++ 22 Dec 2006

Top 10 - What If Man Awoke With A Vagina
Top ten things men would do if they woke up and had a vagina for a day:

10. Immediately go shopping for zucchini and cucumbers.

9. Squat over a hand-held mirror for an hour and a half.

8. See if he could finally do the splits.

7. See if it's truly possible to launch a ping pong ball 20 feet.

6. Cross his legs without rearranging their crotch.

5. Get picked up in a bar in less than 10 minutes...BEFORE closing time.

4. Have consecutive multiple orgasms and still be ready for more without
sleeping first.

3. Go to the gynecologist for a pelvic exam and ask to have it recorded
on video.

2. Sit on the edge of the bed and pray for breasts too....

And, the NUMBER ONE thing men did when they woke up with a
vagina...Finally find that damned spot.
c

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JOKE OF THE DAY
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As wise men say, a joke a day keeps the doctor away. So step into the
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WORTH READING
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chance to question the priorities of existence and also to get their
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Thursday, December 21, 2006

18++ 21 Dec 2006

Sunburned

A certain young man finally got a date with a female of somewhat
questionable morals that lived in his apartment complex. To prepare for
his big date, the young man went up on to the roof of his apartment
building in order to tan himself. Not wanting any tan lines to show, he
sunbathed in the nude.

Unfortunately, he fell asleep while on the roof and managed to get a
sunburn on his "tool". But, determined not to miss his date, he put some
lotion on his manhood and wrapped it in gauze.

When the hot date showed up at his apartment, the young man treated her
to a home cooked dinner, after which they went into the living room to
watch a video. During the video, however, the young man's sunburn
started acting up again. He asked to be excused, went into the kitchen
and poured a tall, cool glass of milk. He then placed his sunburned
member in the milk and experienced immediate relief of his pain.

The date, meanwhile, wondering what he was doing, wandered into the
kitchen to see him with his dingy immersed in a glass of milk. Upon
seeing this, the she exclaimed - "So, that's how you guys load those
things!"

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As wise men say, a joke a day keeps the doctor away. So step into the
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WORTH READING
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chance to question the priorities of existence and also to get their
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Wednesday, December 20, 2006

18++ 20 Dec 2006


Top 10 Bumper Stickers!

1...Constipated People Don't Give A Crap.
2...If You Don't Believe In Oral Sex, Keep Your Mouth Shut.
3...My Kid Got Your Honor Roll Student Pregnant.
4...To All You Virgins, Thanks For Nothing.
5...Impotence: Nature's Way Of Saying "No Hard Feelings".
6...I Have The Body Of A God... Buddha
7...Illiterate? Write For Help
8...If Sex Is A Pain In The Ass, Then You're Doing It Wrong
9...Cat: The Other White Meat
10...Heart Attacks...God's Revenge For Eating His Animal Friends

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JOKE OF THE DAY
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As wise men say, a joke a day keeps the doctor away. So step into the
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WORTH READING
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of wisdom that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your
chance to question the priorities of existence and also to get their
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Thursday, December 07, 2006

18++ 7 Dec 2006

Every year at the state fair Paul entered the lottery for the brand new
truck and lost. This year, he told his friend David, he wasn't going to
bother and enter.

"What kind of attitude is that?" David asked. He leaned closer and
whispered, "What you need, pal, is faith. Look around and see if the
good Lord sends you a message."

Strolling around the fair, Paul grew more and more despondent as the
drawing neared. Nothing struck him, no divine inspiration, no sign from
God.

Finally, while he was passing old Mrs. Kelleher's pie stand, he glanced
over and saw the woman bending down. She wasn't wearing any panties, and
suddenly her ass began to glow. Suddenly a finger of flame came from the
skies and without her even knowing it, used her ass as a table. The
fiery finger etched a seven on each cheek.

Thanking God, Paul rushed to the raffle booth and played the number 77.

A few minutes later, the drawing was held. And once again, Paul lost.

The winning number was 707.

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JOKE OF THE DAY
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As wise men say, a joke a day keeps the doctor away. So step into the
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WORTH READING
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Things they do not teach you at college! Life's puzzle unfolded. Words
of wisdom that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your
chance to question the priorities of existence and also to get their
answers.

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Monday, December 04, 2006

18++ 5 Dec 2006

BEER TROUBLESHOOTING

SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet.
FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle.
ACTION: Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling.

SYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet.
FAULT: Improper bladder control.
ACTION: Stand next to nearest dog, complain about house training.

SYMPTOM: Beer unusually pale and tasteless.
FAULT: Glass empty.
ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.

SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights.
FAULT: You have fallen over backward.
ACTION: Have yourself leashed to bar.

SYMPTOM: Mouth contains cigarette butts.
FAULT: You have fallen forward.
ACTION: See above.

SYMPTOM: Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet.
FAULT: Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face.
ACTION: Retire to restroom, practice in mirror.

SYMPTOM: Floor blurred.
FAULT: You are looking through bottom of empty glass.
ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.

SYMPTOM: Floor moving.
FAULT: You are being carried out.
ACTION: Find out if you are being taken to another bar.

SYMPTOM: Room seems unusually dark.
FAULT: Bar has closed.
ACTION: Confirm home address with bartender.

SYMPTOM: Taxi suddenly takes on colorful aspect and textures.
FAULT: Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations.
ACTION: Cover mouth.

SYMPTOM: Everyone looks up to you and smiles.
FAULT: You are dancing on the table.
ACTION: Fall on somebody cushy-looking.

SYMPTOM: Beer is crystal-clear.
FAULT: It's water. Somebody is trying to sober you up.
ACTION: Punch him.

SYMPTOM: Hands hurt, nose hurts, mind unusually clear.
FAULT: You have been in a fight.
ACTION: Apologize to everyone you see, just in case it was them.

SYMPTOM: Don't recognize anyone, don't recognize the room you're in.
FAULT: You've wandered into the wrong party.
ACTION: See if they have free beer.

SYMPTOM: Your singing sounds distorted.
FAULT: The beer is too weak.
ACTION: Have more beer until your voice improves.

SYMPTOM: Don't remember the words to the song.
FAULT: Beer is just right.
ACTION: Play air guitar.
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JOKE OF THE DAY
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As wise men say, a joke a day keeps the doctor away. So step into the
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ludicrous and trivial, witty and wacky, spontaneous and sportive.
Wishing you a laugh riot.

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WORTH READING
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Things they do not teach you at college! Life's puzzle unfolded. Words
of wisdom that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your
chance to question the priorities of existence and also to get their
answers.

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18++ 4 Dec 2006

The Best Hunting Dog
This man wanted to buy a hunting dog. He heard of this guy who had a dog
for sale, so he went to check it out. They get the dog out to the woods
and the owner snaps his fingers and says "GO!"

The dog takes off, comes back a few minutes later, and barks once. The
man asked the owner "What does that mean?"

The owner says "Well, he barked once, that means he saw one rabbit." The
guy says "OK, let's see it again."

The owner snaps his fingers and says "GO!" The dog takes off, comes back
a few minutes later, and barks twice. The guy asks "OK, what does that
mean?"

The owner says "Well, he barked twice, that means he saw two rabbits."

The guy says "OK, one more time and he's sold." The owner snaps his
fingers, the dog takes off, comes back carrying a stick and starts to
hump his owners leg.

The guy says "WHAT! does that mean?

The owner says "Well, that means he just saw more fuckin' rabbits than
you can shake a stick at!"

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JOKE OF THE DAY
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As wise men say, a joke a day keeps the doctor away. So step into the
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ludicrous and trivial, witty and wacky, spontaneous and sportive.
Wishing you a laugh riot.

Join the Joke of the Day mailing list @
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WORTH READING
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Things they do not teach you at college! Life's puzzle unfolded. Words
of wisdom that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your
chance to question the priorities of existence and also to get their
answers.

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