18++ 29 Sep 2006

Joseph was very depressed. He ran into his friend Jon. Jon asked him
what was wrong.

"I'm just depressed and can't get over the fact that I have three
balls."

"Three balls? You're DEPRESSED? Son, we can make a *fortune* with this!"
Jon exclaimed.

"How do we do that?"

"We go from bar to bar, and bet everyone that between you and the
bartender you've got five balls. It can't miss!"

Joseph brightens up and off they go. They get to the first bar, make
friends with some of the strangers at the bar, then made the
annoucement,

"I'll bet anyone that between the bartender and my friend Joseph,
they've got five balls." Jon announced.

Almost everyone rushed up to place their bets.

Jon turned to the bartender and said, "You don't mind if we use you on
this, do you?"

The bartender said, "Not at all. In fact, I'm very impressed."

"Yeah?" Jon asked, "How come?"

"Well, I've never met a man with 4 balls before. I've only got one."

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JOKE OF THE DAY
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WORTH READING
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of wisdom that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your
chance to question the priorities of existence and also to get their
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18++ 27 Sep 2006

On the night of their wedding, a young couple finally retired to their
hotel room. After making her preparations, the bride came out of the
bathroom to find the bridegroom on his knees in front of the bed.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"I'm praying for guidance," answered the young man.

"I'll take care of that," she replied. "You pray for endurance."

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JOKE OF THE DAY
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As wise men say, a joke a day keeps the doctor away. So step into the
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WORTH READING
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of wisdom that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your
chance to question the priorities of existence and also to get their
answers.

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18++ 26 Sep 2006

A deaf mute walks into pharmacy to buy condoms. He has difficulty
communicating with pharmacist and cannot see condoms on the shelf.

Frustrated, the deaf mute finally unzips his pants, places his dick on
the counter and puts down a five dollar bill next to it.

The pharmacist unzips his pants, does the same as the deaf mute and then
picks up both bills and stuffs them in his pocket. Exasperated, the deaf
mute begins to curse the pharmacist wildly in sign language.

"Look," the pharmacist says, "if you can't afford to lose, you shouldn't
bet."

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JOKE OF THE DAY
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As wise men say, a joke a day keeps the doctor away. So step into the
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WORTH READING
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Things they do not teach you at college! Life's puzzle unfolded. Words
of wisdom that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your
chance to question the priorities of existence and also to get their
answers.

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18++ 20 Sep 2006

Stupid Alligator Trick
A guy walks into a bar with a pet alligator by his side. He puts the
alligator up on the bar. He turns to the astonished patrons.

"I'll make you a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my
genitals inside. Then the gator will close his mouth for one minute.
He'll then open his mouth and I'll remove my unit unscathed. In return
for witnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink."

The crowd murmured their approval. The man stood up on the bar, dropped
his trousers, and placed his privates in the alligator's open mouth. The
gator closed his mouth as the crowd gasped. After a minute, the man
grabbed a beer bottle and rapped the alligator hard on the top of its
head. The gator opened his mouth and the man removed his genitals -
unscathed as promised. The crowd cheered and the first of his free
drinks was delivered.

The man stood up again and made another offer. "I'll pay anyone $100
who's willing to give it a try".

A hush fell over the crowd. After a while, a hand went up in the back of
the bar. A blonde woman timidly spoke up.

"I'll try, but you have to promise not to hit me on the head with the
beer bottle"

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JOKE OF THE DAY
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As wise men say, a joke a day keeps the doctor away. So step into the
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WORTH READING
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of wisdom that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your
chance to question the priorities of existence and also to get their
answers.

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18++ 19 Sep 2006

A noted sex therapist realizes that people often lie about the frequency
of their encounters, so he devises a test to tell for certain how often
someone has sex.

To prove his theory, he fills up an auditorium with people, and goes
down the line, asking each person to smile. Using the size of the
person's smile, the therapist is able to guess accurately until he comes
to the last man in line, who is grinning from ear to ear.

"Twice a day," the therapist guesses, but is surprised when the man says
no. "Once a day, then?" Again the answer is no. "Twice a week?" "No."
"Twice a month?" "No."

The man finally says yes when the doctor gets to "once a year".

The therapist is angry that his theory isn't working, and asks the man,
"What the heck are you so happy about?"

The man answers, "Tonight's the night!"

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JOKE OF THE DAY
----------------
As wise men say, a joke a day keeps the doctor away. So step into the
health zone by sharing a hearty laugh. A variety of jokes that are
ludicrous and trivial, witty and wacky, spontaneous and sportive.
Wishing you a laugh riot.

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WORTH READING
-------------
Things they do not teach you at college! Life's puzzle unfolded. Words
of wisdom that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your
chance to question the priorities of existence and also to get their
answers.

Join the Worth Reading mailing list @
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18++ 18 Sep 2006

Computers Are Like Units
It can be up or down. It's more fun when it's up, but hard to get any
real work done.
If you don't apply protective measures, it can spread viruses.
It has no brain of its own. Instead, it uses- and confuses- yours.
We attach an importance to it that is far greater than its actual size
and influence warrant.
If you're not careful, it can get you in big trouble.
Some people have it, some don't
People who have it would be devastated if it were cut off- and they
think those who don't have it want it.
People who don't have it may agree that it's a nifty toy but think it's
not worth the fuss made about it.
Once you've started playing with it, it's hard to stop.
Some people would play with it all day if they didn't have to work. Of
course, some people do anyways!

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JOKE OF THE DAY
----------------
As wise men say, a joke a day keeps the doctor away. So step into the
health zone by sharing a hearty laugh. A variety of jokes that are
ludicrous and trivial, witty and wacky, spontaneous and sportive.
Wishing you a laugh riot.

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WORTH READING
-------------
Things they do not teach you at college! Life's puzzle unfolded. Words
of wisdom that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your
chance to question the priorities of existence and also to get their
answers.

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18++ 15 Sep 2006

Priests vs. Temptation
There were three young priests about to take their final vows. The last
test that they had to pass was the celibacy test. For this, all three
had to strip naked and tie a little bell around their penis. After this,
a belly dancer entered the room and started slinking around the first
priest...

"Ting-a-ling"

The chief priest said "Oh, Patrick, I'm disappointed. You've failed. Go
and have a shower."

The belly dancer had stripped as far as her last veil for the second guy
before the chief priest heard...

"Ting a ling"

"Joseph, I'm very disappointed. You can't resist the temptation of a
woman. Go for a shower."

The belly dancer started dancing totally naked now around the last
priest. She did everything erotic she could think of... but no bell
rang!

"John, I'm delighted. You've passed! You can resist the temptation of
women. Now, go relax and take a shower with Patrick and Joseph"

"Ting-a-ling"

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But they never miss to touch your heart. Your daily supply of chosen
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from great leaders.

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JOKE OF THE DAY
----------------
As wise men say, a joke a day keeps the doctor away. So step into the
health zone by sharing a hearty laugh. A variety of jokes that are
ludicrous and trivial, witty and wacky, spontaneous and sportive.
Wishing you a laugh riot.

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WORTH READING
-------------
Things they do not teach you at college! Life's puzzle unfolded. Words
of wisdom that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your
chance to question the priorities of existence and also to get their
answers.

Join the Worth Reading mailing list @
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18++ 14 Sep 2006

Which Race Am I?
Little Johnny came home from school one day slightly confused. His
mother was Jewish and his father was black. So Johnny says, "Mom, am I
more Jewish or more black?"

"What does it really matter? You'll just have to ask your father", his
mother tells him. So Johnny's father gets home from work and Johnny asks
the same question, "Dad, am I more Jewish or more black?" "What kind of
a question is that, does it really matter? Why do you want to know if
you're more Jewish or black?" asks his dad.

"Well, it's like this dad. Tommy down the street wants to sell his
bicycle for $50, I don't know whether to Jew him down to $25, or wait
till its dark and steal the fucker.

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JOKE OF THE DAY
----------------
As wise men say, a joke a day keeps the doctor away. So step into the
health zone by sharing a hearty laugh. A variety of jokes that are
ludicrous and trivial, witty and wacky, spontaneous and sportive.
Wishing you a laugh riot.

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WORTH READING
-------------
Things they do not teach you at college! Life's puzzle unfolded. Words
of wisdom that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your
chance to question the priorities of existence and also to get their
answers.

Join the Worth Reading mailing list @
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18++ 12 Sep 2006

Three women are having lunch, discussing their husbands.

The first says, "My husband is cheating on me, I just know it. I found a
pair of stockings in his jacket pocket, and they weren't mine!"

The second says, "My husband is cheating on me, I just know it. I found
a condom in his wallet, so I poked it full of holes with my sewing
needle!"

The third woman fainted.

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from great leaders.

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JOKE OF THE DAY
----------------
As wise men say, a joke a day keeps the doctor away. So step into the
health zone by sharing a hearty laugh. A variety of jokes that are
ludicrous and trivial, witty and wacky, spontaneous and sportive.
Wishing you a laugh riot.

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WORTH READING
-------------
Things they do not teach you at college! Life's puzzle unfolded. Words
of wisdom that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your
chance to question the priorities of existence and also to get their
answers.

Join the Worth Reading mailing list @
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18++ 11 Sep 2006

Sign Language
A man is doing yard work and his wife is about to take a shower. The man
realizes that he can't find the rake. He yells up to his wife, "Where is
the rake?"

She can't hear him and shouts back, "What?" The man first points to his
eye, then points to his knee and finally makes a raking motion. The wife
is not sure and says, "What?" The man repeats his gestures, mouthing
"EYE KNEE - THE RAKE."

The wife replies that she understands and signals back. She first points
to her eye, next she points to her left breast, then she points to her
butt, and finally to her crotch.

Well, there is no way in hell the man can even come close on that one.
Exasperated, he goes upstairs and asks her "What in the heck was that?"

She replies, "EYE - LEFT TIT - BEHIND - THE BUSH"

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They inspire, they motivate and at times they tickle your funny bone.
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from great leaders.

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JOKE OF THE DAY
----------------
As wise men say, a joke a day keeps the doctor away. So step into the
health zone by sharing a hearty laugh. A variety of jokes that are
ludicrous and trivial, witty and wacky, spontaneous and sportive.
Wishing you a laugh riot.

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WORTH READING
-------------
Things they do not teach you at college! Life's puzzle unfolded. Words
of wisdom that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your
chance to question the priorities of existence and also to get their
answers.

Join the Worth Reading mailing list @
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18++ 6 Sep 2006

BAR ROOM CHAT TRANSLATIONS:
"You get this one, next round is on me." (We won't be here long enough
to get another round.)

"I'll get this one, next one is on you." (Happy hour is about to
end...now drafts are a dollar, but by the next round they'll be 4.50 a
pop.)

"Hey, where is that friend of yours?" (I have no interest in talking to
you except as a way to get your attractive friend into a compromising
position.)

"Can I get a glass of white zinfandel." [female] (I'm easy.)

"Can I get a glass of white zinfandel." [male] (I'm gay.)

"Ever try a body shot?" [male to female] (I am even willing to drink
tequila if it means that I get to lick you.)

"Ever try a body shot?" [female to male] (If this is how wild I am in
the bar, imagine what I'll do to you on the ride home?)

"I don't feel well, let's go home." [female] (You are paying more
attention to your friends than me.)

"I don't feel well, let's go home." [male] (I'm horny.)

"Who's got the next round?" (I haven't bought a round in almost 3 years,
but I am an expert at diverting attention.)

"What do you have on tap?" (What's cheap?)

"Can I have a white Russian?" [male] (I'm really gay.)

"Can I have a white Russian?" [female] (I'm really easy.)

"That person looks really familiar." (Did I sleep with him/her?)

"Can I just get a glass of water?" [female] (I'm annoying, but cute
enough to get away with this.)

"Can I just get a glass of water?" [male] (I'm annoying, and cheap to
boot.)

"I don't have my ID on me." [female] (I'm 19.)

"I don't have my ID on me." [male] (I don't have a license since I got
pulled over and blew a 0.4 after my last visit here.)

"Excuse Me." [male to male] (Get the fuck out of the way.)

"Excuse Me." [male to female] (I am going to grope you now.)

"Excuse Me." [female to male] (Don't even think about groping me, just
get the fuck out of the way.)

"Excuse Me." [female to female] (Move your fat ass. Who do you think you
are anyway? You are not all that, missy, and don't think for one minute
that you are. Coming in here dressing like a ho...Get your eyes off of
my man, or I'll slap you, bitch, like the slut you are.)

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They inspire, they motivate and at times they tickle your funny bone.
But they never miss to touch your heart. Your daily supply of chosen
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from great leaders.

Join the Quote A Day mailing list @
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JOKE OF THE DAY
----------------
As wise men say, a joke a day keeps the doctor away. So step into the
health zone by sharing a hearty laugh. A variety of jokes that are
ludicrous and trivial, witty and wacky, spontaneous and sportive.
Wishing you a laugh riot.

Join the Joke of the Day mailing list @
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Or simply go Blogging @
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WORTH READING
-------------
Things they do not teach you at college! Life's puzzle unfolded. Words
of wisdom that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your
chance to question the priorities of existence and also to get their
answers.

Join the Worth Reading mailing list @
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Or simply go Blogging @
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18++ 4 Sep 2006

African & Russian Ambassadors
The ambassador of a small African nation chanced to visit Russia, and
was entertained by his opposite number, the Russian ambassador. For
three days, the African ambassador was wined, dined, and generally
treated to the best hospitality that Russia had to offer.

On the final day of his visit, the Russian ambassador said "As your stay
is coming to an end, it is time for you to play our traditional game,
Russian roulette. One of the six chambers of this gun is loaded - you
spin the cylinder, point the gun at your head, and pull the trigger."

This phased the African slightly, but he was a proud man of a warrior
people, and to show fear would be unthinkable. Both men took their guns,
spun, and pulled the triggers.

Both chambers were empty, and both ambassadors breathed a sigh of
relief.

The African ambassador was much impressed with the couragous game, and
thought hard about the subject before the Russian Ambassador was due to
visit his country the next year.

When the visit came, the African ambassador treated the Russian with all
hospitality, until the final day of his stay. Leading him to a private
room in the palace, the African ambassador spoke "Now it is time for you
to sample our game, African roulette". So saying, he led the Russian
into the room, the only occupants of which were six beautiful, naked
women.

The African ambassador said "These women are the most beautiful members
of one of our tribes. Any one of them will give you a blowjob - take
your pick".

The Russian was not entirely averse to this idea, but he couldn't see
the connection with Russian Roulette. He said "Well, ok, great, but
where's the roulette part? Where's the danger?"

With a big grin on his face, the African ambassador answered:

"One of them's a cannibal"

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18++ 1 Sep 2006

Condom Complaint
A man was carrying 2 babies, one in each arm while waiting for a train.
Along came this woman and seeing the 2 cute babies started asking the
man, "Aren't they cute, what are their names?"

The man gave the lady an angry look and replied, "I don't know".

The lady then asked again, "Are they both boys or girls or either of
each?"

The man looked angrier still and replied, "I don't know!"

The woman then started to scold the man, "What kind of a father are
you?"

The man replied, "I am not their father, I am just a condom salesman and
these are 2 complaints that I am taking back to my company!"

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