18++ 31 Jan 2006

A traveling salesman whose car has broken down goes
to the door of the closest farmhouse.
The farmer says, "You can spend the night but you'll have
to share a room with my beautiful daughter."
"Oh, I don't mind that," exclaims the salesman.
"Just one thing," says the farmer. "No funny business."
"Oh no sir," says the salesman. "You can count on me."
Just to be safe, the farmer builds a wall of eggs between
the two beds in the daughter's room.
In the middle of the night, the salesman can no longer
control himself, busts through the eggs and has his way
with the farmer's daughter. They take the rest of the night
piecing the eggs back together one by one and rebuilding
the wall.

The next morning, the farmer goes to his daughter's room
and takes a couple eggs to the kitchen to make breakfast.
Cracking open the first egg, of course, produces nothing.
Cracking open the second egg, likewise. The farmer pokes
his head out the window and yells, "OK, which one of you
roosters is using a rubber?"

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JOKE OF THE DAY
----------------
As wise men say, a joke a day keeps the doctor away. So step into the
health zone by sharing a hearty laugh. A variety of jokes that are
ludicrous and trivial, witty and wacky, spontaneous and sportive.
Wishing you a laugh riot.

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WORTH READING
-------------
Things they do not teach you at college! Life's puzzle unfolded. Words
of wisdom that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your
chance to question the priorities of existence and also to get their
answers.

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18++ 30 Jan 2006

A flight attendant friend of mine and her boyfriend had been playing a
little game, where they would hide condoms in each other's pockets,
briefcases, lunches etc., to have them revealed at unexpected times.
One morning, shortly after taking off on a 3 hour flight, the flight
attendant was asked for aspirin, by a man with a headache. Recalling
the
packet of aspirin she usually kept in her left pocket, she took it out,
placed it on the man's fold out table, and turned to pour him a glass of
water.
When she turned around again, the man was staring, mouth open, at the
packet before him. He managed to stammer "Sorry Miss, I really DO have a
headache." On discovering her mistake, she turned several shades of
red,
and scurried off to hide in the crew cabin.
Eventually, she had to resume her duties, and on each pass down the
aisle,
she got a wink and a smile from the man with the headache.

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They inspire, they motivate and at times they tickle your funny bone.
But they never miss to touch your heart. Your daily supply of chosen
gems from the world of literature, ancient proverbs, poetry and sayings
from great leaders.

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JOKE OF THE DAY
----------------
As wise men say, a joke a day keeps the doctor away. So step into the
health zone by sharing a hearty laugh. A variety of jokes that are
ludicrous and trivial, witty and wacky, spontaneous and sportive.
Wishing you a laugh riot.

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Or simply go Blogging @
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WORTH READING
-------------
Things they do not teach you at college! Life's puzzle unfolded. Words
of wisdom that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your
chance to question the priorities of existence and also to get their
answers.

Join the Worth Reading mailing list @
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18++ 27 Jan 2006

Weights and Measures (Male Gender)
----------------------------------
Cyberspeak Conversion Table

"10 inches" The length of a #2 pencil
"very thick" The width of a #2 pencil
"tall" Able to go on the big rides at Disneyland

Weights and Measures (Female Gender)
------------------------------------
Cyberspeak Conversion Table

"weight" Add a small beagle (i.e. 120 lbs. = 150 lbs.)
"bustline" Deflate for 5 seconds (i.e. 40D = 32B)
"shoe size" Add room for toes (i.e. 7 1/2 = 10)

Descriptive (Male Gender)
-------------------------
Cyberspeak Translation

"attractive" Does not induce immediate vomiting or spontaneous internal
combustion
"masculine" Can grow a better mustache than his mother
"sexy" Has a way with animals

Descriptive (Female Gender)
---------------------------
Cyberspeak Translation

"attractive" Has been hit on by an adult male with less than 20% blood
alcohol level (excluding relatives, lighting required)
"feminine" Does not chew plug tobacco or consider bathing to be "sissy
stuff"
"sexy" Can legally belly dance without liability insurance

CYBERSPEAK STANDARD DIALECT

Intellectual Measurement Translations
-------------------------------------
"genius" Agrees with you
"160 IQ" Once outwitted a cocker spaniel
"moron" Disagrees with you
"idiot" Was outwitted by you

Common Acronym Translations
---------------------------
"brb" My mother is in the room
"rofl" Rolling on the floor with Lassie
"lol" Luvin' on Lassie
"roflmao" Lassie and I have decided to get married

Heckler Subdialect Translations
-------------------------------
"check your Terms of Service (TOS)" I want my mommy
"if you don't like it here, leave" I want my mommy
"(yawn)" My brain needs more oxygen, as usual
"heckler of the day" The one who laughs most at your jokes
"cyberbrawl" Twenty HEK's alone in a room, late at night

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But they never miss to touch your heart. Your daily supply of chosen
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JOKE OF THE DAY
----------------
As wise men say, a joke a day keeps the doctor away. So step into the
health zone by sharing a hearty laugh. A variety of jokes that are
ludicrous and trivial, witty and wacky, spontaneous and sportive.
Wishing you a laugh riot.

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WORTH READING
-------------
Things they do not teach you at college! Life's puzzle unfolded. Words
of wisdom that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your
chance to question the priorities of existence and also to get their
answers.

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**********************************************************************

18++ 24 Jan 2006

Three women who work in the same office notice that their female boss
has
started leaving work early every day, so one day they decide that after
she
leaves, they'll take off early, too. After all, she never calls or comes
back, so how is she to know?

The brunette is thrilled to get home early. She does a little gardening,
watches a movie and then goes to bed early.

The redhead is elated to be able to get in a quick workout at her health
club before meeting a dinner date.

The blonde is also very happy to be home early, but as she goes upstairs
she hears noises coming from her bedroom. She quietly opens the door a
crack and is mortified to see her husband in bed with HER BOSS! Ever so
gently, she closes the door and creeps out of her house.

The next day the brunette and redhead talk about leaving early again,
but
when they ask the blonde if she wants to leave early also, she exclaims,
"NO WAY! I almost got caught yesterday!"

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They inspire, they motivate and at times they tickle your funny bone.
But they never miss to touch your heart. Your daily supply of chosen
gems from the world of literature, ancient proverbs, poetry and sayings
from great leaders.

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Or simply Blog it @
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JOKE OF THE DAY
----------------
As wise men say, a joke a day keeps the doctor away. So step into the
health zone by sharing a hearty laugh. A variety of jokes that are
ludicrous and trivial, witty and wacky, spontaneous and sportive.
Wishing you a laugh riot.

Join the Joke of the Day mailing list @
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Or simply go Blogging @
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WORTH READING
-------------
Things they do not teach you at college! Life's puzzle unfolded. Words
of wisdom that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your
chance to question the priorities of existence and also to get their
answers.

Join the Worth Reading mailing list @
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Or simply go Blogging @
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18++ 23 Jan 2006

Do you know how you know you are in a real lesbian bar?
Not even the pool table has balls.

Did you hear about the all lesbian carpenters union?
Nothing gets nailed, everything is tongue and groove.

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JOKE OF THE DAY
----------------
As wise men say, a joke a day keeps the doctor away. So step into the
health zone by sharing a hearty laugh. A variety of jokes that are
ludicrous and trivial, witty and wacky, spontaneous and sportive.
Wishing you a laugh riot.

Join the Joke of the Day mailing list @
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Or simply go Blogging @
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WORTH READING
-------------
Things they do not teach you at college! Life's puzzle unfolded. Words
of wisdom that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your
chance to question the priorities of existence and also to get their
answers.

Join the Worth Reading mailing list @
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**********************************************************************

18++ 20 Jan 2006

A traveling salesman, in the middle of his 2 week stint on the road,
walks into a WhoreHouse. The salesman whips out $300.00 and hands it
to the Madam of the house. "Give me the WORST lay you have here." he
says. The Madam, looking confused, says "But sir, for this kind of
money, you can have one of my very BEST girls." The salesman, not to
be discouraged, says, "Please, I just want the WORST piece of ass in
the house." The Madam, now getting a bit upset replies "Sir, for
$300.00, you could get the best lay of your life." Sheepishly the
salesman says, "I don' want the best lay of my life, I'm not horny,
I'm HOMESICK!"

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They inspire, they motivate and at times they tickle your funny bone.
But they never miss to touch your heart. Your daily supply of chosen
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from great leaders.

Join the Quote A Day mailing list @
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Or simply Blog it @
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JOKE OF THE DAY
----------------
As wise men say, a joke a day keeps the doctor away. So step into the
health zone by sharing a hearty laugh. A variety of jokes that are
ludicrous and trivial, witty and wacky, spontaneous and sportive.
Wishing you a laugh riot.

Join the Joke of the Day mailing list @
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Or simply go Blogging @
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WORTH READING
-------------
Things they do not teach you at college! Life's puzzle unfolded. Words
of wisdom that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your
chance to question the priorities of existence and also to get their
answers.

Join the Worth Reading mailing list @
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**********************************************************************

18++ 17 Jan 2006

A young boy on his way home from school must pass by a group of
hookers. Everyday as he passes them, the hookers wave at him
with their pinkies and say "HI there little boy!!"
One day the boy stops and asks one of the hookers why they always
wave at him with their pinkies...she replies "well...that is what
size we imagine your penis to be...it is just a joke!"
The next day on his way home, the hookers repeat the tradition. The
young boy stops and drops his school books on the ground, sticks all
his fingers in his mouth to stretch his lips very wide and says
"HI THERE LADIES!

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They inspire, they motivate and at times they tickle your funny bone.
But they never miss to touch your heart. Your daily supply of chosen
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from great leaders.

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JOKE OF THE DAY
----------------
As wise men say, a joke a day keeps the doctor away. So step into the
health zone by sharing a hearty laugh. A variety of jokes that are
ludicrous and trivial, witty and wacky, spontaneous and sportive.
Wishing you a laugh riot.

Join the Joke of the Day mailing list @
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WORTH READING
-------------
Things they do not teach you at college! Life's puzzle unfolded. Words
of wisdom that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your
chance to question the priorities of existence and also to get their
answers.

Join the Worth Reading mailing list @
http://groups-beta.google.com/group/WorthReading
Or simply go Blogging @
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********************** Legal Disclaimer ****************************
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**********************************************************************

18++ 13 Jan 2006

A Chinese man arranges for a hooker to come to his room for the
evening. Once in the room they undress, climb into bed, and go at it.
When finished, the Chinese man jumps up, runs over to the window, takes
a deep breath, dives under the bed, climbs out the other side, jumps
back into bed with the hooker and commences a repeat performance. The
hooker is impressed with the gusto of the second encounter. When
finished, the Chinese man jumps up, runs over to the window, takes a
deep breath, dives under the bed, climbs out the other side, jumps
back into bed with the hooker and starts again.
The hooker is amazed as this sequence is repeated four times. During the
fifth encore, she decides to try it herself. So when they are done she
jumps up, goes to the window and takes a deep breath of fresh air,
dives
under the bed, ...and finds four Chinese men.

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They inspire, they motivate and at times they tickle your funny bone.
But they never miss to touch your heart. Your daily supply of chosen
gems from the world of literature, ancient proverbs, poetry and sayings
from great leaders.

Join the Quote A Day mailing list @
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Or simply Blog it @
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JOKE OF THE DAY
----------------
As wise men say, a joke a day keeps the doctor away. So step into the
health zone by sharing a hearty laugh. A variety of jokes that are
ludicrous and trivial, witty and wacky, spontaneous and sportive.
Wishing you a laugh riot.

Join the Joke of the Day mailing list @
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Or simply go Blogging @
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WORTH READING
-------------
Things they do not teach you at college! Life's puzzle unfolded. Words
of wisdom that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your
chance to question the priorities of existence and also to get their
answers.

Join the Worth Reading mailing list @
http://groups-beta.google.com/group/WorthReading
Or simply go Blogging @
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********************** Legal Disclaimer ****************************
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**********************************************************************

18++ 10 Jan 2006

Some new domain names...

10. ".trek" contains audio files of William Shatner
9. ".bill" Microsoft has bought this company
8. ".love" for people who would rather cuddle
7. ".slow" based in a distant country with no T3 lines
6. ".geek" assumes you know what all the acronyms mean
5. ".404" we stopped maintaining our servers in 1996
4. ".y2k" contains theories about the end of the world
3. ".burn" huge multimedia files will crash your computer
2. ".*" contains allegations about President Clinton's sex life
1. ".duh" explains, in detail, stuff you already know

and here are even more new domain names being proposed:

.spam Sites which offer to sell you everything you don't want
.buz Excessive use of Java Scripts
.ani Heavy use of animated GIFs
.hot The most current, up-to-date sites
.old Sites which are updated about once a year
.car Data on the automotive industry
.dog Sites for dog lovers; or really ugly people
.cat Feline fanatics (not to be confused with .pussy)
.bird About birds; as pets or as prey
.trip Images of family vacations - mental health warning
.hel Health care (.hell is copyrighted by Devil.com)
.peep Dedicated to peeping-toms
.pooh Information for kids about Winnie The Pooh
.poop (left to your imagination)
.prez Presidential affairs (Paula, Monica, etc.)
.star People jealous of Presidential affairs
.sex Sites which claim to have teenage girls waiting to do whatever
you want, but are run by old guys.
Also used for overflow from .prez
.dul Free sites which recycle the same low-rez images
containing their URL
.lnx URLs which bounce you from one site to another, until you forgot
what you wanted in the first place
.cnt Counter sites, who's only purpose is to give someone credit for
sending you someplace you didn't want to go
.chek URLs which use adult verification you have to pay for only to
discover it isn't worth it
.jugs Variety of pottery; not female anatomy
.pot Cooking sites; not associated with the weed
.fan Contains information about movie/music celebrities
.red Used by soviet-block countries
.pet Concerning household animals; but no Playmate Pets
.max Sites which don't accept your dad's credit card because you've
already maxed it out
.mom Information useful to mothers about child rearing
.dad Handy information about avoiding children
.kid Tips on how to keep parents from finding out what you're doing
on
the Internet
.wed Tips on planning a wedding; or avoiding one
.fit Contains images of healthy people you didn't want to see
.fat Adult sites with images you REALLY didn't want to see
.ass Information shared by proctologists
.$$$ Adult pay sites
.!!! REALLY good free adult image sites

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They inspire, they motivate and at times they tickle your funny bone.
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JOKE OF THE DAY
----------------
As wise men say, a joke a day keeps the doctor away. So step into the
health zone by sharing a hearty laugh. A variety of jokes that are
ludicrous and trivial, witty and wacky, spontaneous and sportive.
Wishing you a laugh riot.

Join the Joke of the Day mailing list @
http://groups-beta.google.com/group/JokeOfTheDay
Or simply go Blogging @
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WORTH READING
-------------
Things they do not teach you at college! Life's puzzle unfolded. Words
of wisdom that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your
chance to question the priorities of existence and also to get their
answers.

Join the Worth Reading mailing list @
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**********************************************************************

18++ 12 Jan 2006

A worried father telephoned his family doctor and said that
he was afraid that his teenaged son had come down with V.D. "He
says he hasn't had sex with anyone but the maid, so it has to be
her." "Don't worry so much," advised the doctor. "These
things happen." "I know, doctor," said the father, "but I have
to admit that I've been sleeping with the maid also. I seem to
have the same symptoms." "That's unfortunate." "Not only that, I
think I've passed it to my wife." "Oh God," said the doc, "That
means we all have it."

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QUOTATION OF THE DAY
--------------------
They inspire, they motivate and at times they tickle your funny bone.
But they never miss to touch your heart. Your daily supply of chosen
gems from the world of literature, ancient proverbs, poetry and sayings
from great leaders.

Join the Quote A Day mailing list @
http://groups-beta.google.com/group/QuotationOfTheDay
Or simply Blog it @
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JOKE OF THE DAY
----------------
As wise men say, a joke a day keeps the doctor away. So step into the
health zone by sharing a hearty laugh. A variety of jokes that are
ludicrous and trivial, witty and wacky, spontaneous and sportive.
Wishing you a laugh riot.

Join the Joke of the Day mailing list @
http://groups-beta.google.com/group/JokeOfTheDay
Or simply go Blogging @
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WORTH READING
-------------
Things they do not teach you at college! Life's puzzle unfolded. Words
of wisdom that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your
chance to question the priorities of existence and also to get their
answers.

Join the Worth Reading mailing list @
http://groups-beta.google.com/group/WorthReading
Or simply go Blogging @
http://readingtimefolks.blogspot.com/

********************** Legal Disclaimer ****************************
"This email may contain confidential and privileged material for the sole use of the intended recipient. Any unauthorized review, use or distribution by others is strictly prohibited. If you have received the message in error, please advise the sender by reply email and delete the message. Thank you."
**********************************************************************

18++ 9 Jan 2006

A policeman is walking his beat when he finds a totally drunk man
collapsed against a building, weeping uncontrollably and holding his car
keys in his hands. He's moaning something about 'They took my car!'.

Seeing he is quite well dressed, the cop thinks he may have a real case
of theft on his hands and proceeds to question the man.

"What are your car keys doing out?"

"My car, it was right on the end of my key, and those ba**ards stole it!
Please ossifer, get my Porsche back. My God, it was right on the end of
my key! Where is it? They stole it and it was right here; right on my
key!

"OK, OK, stand up, let's get some more information. (he stands the man
up, and notices his penis is hanging out). Aw s**t mister, your dick is
hanging out, would you put that thing away!"

The man looks down, sees his prick hanging there and screams, "Oh my
God, they stole my girlfriend!"

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JOKE OF THE DAY
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As wise men say, a joke a day keeps the doctor away. So step into the
health zone by sharing a hearty laugh. A variety of jokes that are
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Wishing you a laugh riot.

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WORTH READING
-------------
Things they do not teach you at college! Life's puzzle unfolded. Words
of wisdom that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your
chance to question the priorities of existence and also to get their
answers.

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18++ 5 Jan 2006

A guy is put before the judge's bench because he is on trial for paying
a
prostitute for sex. "How do you plead?" asks the judge, to the
defendant.

"Not Guilty, your honor."

Showing him a videotape of the alleged act, the prosecutor responds,
"How
can you possibly convince the court of your innocence, if we have both
the
sex act, plus your subsequent payment to the alleged prostitute right
here
on tape?"

"Easy," says the defendant, "I'll admit to the court that although I
wasn't
engaged in an act of prostitution, I was committing another 'heinous'
crime
... gambling."

"Gambling?" responds the prosecutor. "How so?"

"Well you see," answers the defendant, "I went up to the young lady
earlier
that night as she was working in a topless bar and said to her, 'I'll
bet
you $200 that you don't get to have sex with me tonight'. That videotape
is
just footage of me losing the bet!"

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They inspire, they motivate and at times they tickle your funny bone.
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from great leaders.

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Or simply Blog it @
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JOKE OF THE DAY
----------------
As wise men say, a joke a day keeps the doctor away. So step into the
health zone by sharing a hearty laugh. A variety of jokes that are
ludicrous and trivial, witty and wacky, spontaneous and sportive.
Wishing you a laugh riot.

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WORTH READING
-------------
Things they do not teach you at college! Life's puzzle unfolded. Words
of wisdom that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your
chance to question the priorities of existence and also to get their
answers.

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Or simply go Blogging @
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********************** Legal Disclaimer ****************************
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18++ 4 Jan 2006

A traveling salesman once got caught up in a blizzard got shelter
with a farmer who had three daughters. The farmer called him aside and
told
him, "Young man, I have three daughters, so stay in your room the
whole night and no tricks, be warned."
In the morning, the salesman came down and the farmer asked him, "How
was your night, young man?"
"Oh! Slept like a rabbit. Thanks for your hospitality; I will never
forget it."
The farmer felt very happy and at the bar that night mentioned this
fact to his close friend. He was boasting what a good father he had been
by
keeping his daughters away from trouble.
His friend laughed aloud and said, "You fool! A rabbit does not sleep
at night. It goes from hole to hole the whole night!"

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They inspire, they motivate and at times they tickle your funny bone.
But they never miss to touch your heart. Your daily supply of chosen
gems from the world of literature, ancient proverbs, poetry and sayings
from great leaders.

Join the Quote A Day mailing list @
http://groups-beta.google.com/group/QuotationOfTheDay
Or simply Blog it @
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JOKE OF THE DAY
----------------
As wise men say, a joke a day keeps the doctor away. So step into the
health zone by sharing a hearty laugh. A variety of jokes that are
ludicrous and trivial, witty and wacky, spontaneous and sportive.
Wishing you a laugh riot.

Join the Joke of the Day mailing list @
http://groups-beta.google.com/group/JokeOfTheDay
Or simply go Blogging @
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WORTH READING
-------------
Things they do not teach you at college! Life's puzzle unfolded. Words
of wisdom that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your
chance to question the priorities of existence and also to get their
answers.

Join the Worth Reading mailing list @
http://groups-beta.google.com/group/WorthReading
Or simply go Blogging @
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********************** Legal Disclaimer ****************************
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**********************************************************************

18++ 2 Jan 2006

This man is suffering from extreme headaches so he goes to his doctor.

Man: Doctor I seem to be having these bad headaches and nothing I do
seems to cure them.

Doctor: Well, one thing I always do to relieve my headaches is put my
head between my wifes tits and go prrrrrrrrrrrr with my lips. (Try to
imagine the sound)

Man: Thanks doc, I think I'll try it.

Two weeks pass and the man goes back to his doctor.

Doctor: Well, have your headaches cleared up?

Man: They sure have. I tried what you said. And by the way I love the
wall paper in your home!

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Wish you and your family a very happy and prosperous new year 2006.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

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QUOTATION OF THE DAY
--------------------
They inspire, they motivate and at times they tickle your funny bone.
But they never miss to touch your heart. Your daily supply of chosen
gems from the world of literature, ancient proverbs, poetry and sayings
from great leaders.

Join the Quote A Day mailing list @
http://groups-beta.google.com/group/QuotationOfTheDay
Or simply Blog it @
http://quotationoftheday.blogspot.com/

JOKE OF THE DAY
----------------
As wise men say, a joke a day keeps the doctor away. So step into the
health zone by sharing a hearty laugh. A variety of jokes that are
ludicrous and trivial, witty and wacky, spontaneous and sportive.
Wishing you a laugh riot.

Join the Joke of the Day mailing list @
http://groups-beta.google.com/group/JokeOfTheDay
Or simply go Blogging @
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WORTH READING
-------------
Things they do not teach you at college! Life's puzzle unfolded. Words
of wisdom that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your
chance to question the priorities of existence and also to get their
answers.

Join the Worth Reading mailing list @
http://groups-beta.google.com/group/WorthReading
Or simply go Blogging @
http://readingtimefolks.blogspot.com/

********************** Legal Disclaimer ****************************
"This email may contain confidential and privileged material for the sole use of the intended recipient. Any unauthorized review, use or distribution by others is strictly prohibited. If you have received the message in error, please advise the sender by reply email and delete the message. Thank you."
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