18++ 31 Dec 2004

"The Joy Of Having A Dick"


I'll tell you a short poem;
I'll try to make it quick.
The subject is quite simple:
The joy of having a dick.

Penises are super things;
You ladies should be jealous.
An organ surrounded by sensitive skin
That's smooth and rarely hairless.

It starts to grow dramatically,
When you're about thirteen.
Your testicles on either side;
Your willy in between.

It dangles neatly down below;
Soft, obedient and loyal.
At the slightest hint of lust,
It's ready to uncoil.

It often has a mind all of its own;
It's like a wild untamed beast.
It squirms and writhes and stretches out;
When you expect it least.

Sometimes, yes, it misbehaves;
Erecting when it shouldn't.
A bumpy train ride sets it off;
Just when you wish it wouldn't.

And during the summer,
Wearing little, sunning on the beach
The slightest sight of shaking boobs
And to cover up you'll have to reach

Handle it with love and care;
For it can give great pleasure.
Has it grown since last weekend?
And when did you last measure?

Some people fret about its size;
They give it lots of thought.
Is seven inches long enough?
It makes guys quite distraught.

They peek across in urinals,
To compare and try to see
But if another glances back at them
There's no way that they can pee

Masturbating is a sin;
That's what some folk believe.
But those are just old wives' tales;
Cuz it really can relieve.

Without this fabulous organ,
No shag would be complete.
Lesbians will try their best;
But must admit defeat.

It has two main bodily functions,
I'm sure you'll all agree,
To start a whole new life,
And of course, daily to pee.

But I think the thing that's marvelous;
About that one eyed brute
Is that when its trying to procreate,
It knows which fluid to shoot.

And always it remains with you;
Until you're old and frail.
Don't take it out in public though,
Or you'll be thrown in jail.

And so to finish up this song
I'd have to say one thing.
Just to reach and touch my schlong,
It makes me want to sing!

------------------------------------------------------------------
Wishing you and your family a happy and prosperous new year.
May the new years brings all the happiness you have wished for.
With Warm Regards,
Chirag
:c )

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with regards,
Chirag
:c )

with regards,
Chirag
:c )

18++ 30 Dec 2004

A doctor had the reputation of helping couples increase the joy in
their sex life, but always promised not to take a case if he felt
he could not help them. The Browns came to see the doctor, and he
gave them thorough physical exams, psychological exams, and various
tests and then concluded, "Yes, I am happy to say that I believe I
can help you."

"On your way home from my office stop at the grocery store and buy
some grapes and some doughnuts. Go home, take off your clothes,
and you, sir, roll the grapes across the floor until you make a
bullseye in your wife's love canal. Then on hands and knees you
must crawl to her like a leopard and retrieve the grape using
only your tongue."

"Then next, ma'am, you must take the doughnuts and from across the
room, toss them at your husband until you make a ringer around his
love pole. Then like a lioness, you must crawl to him and consume
the doughnut, using only your lips."

The couple went home and their sex life became more and more
wonderful. They told their friends, Mr. & Mrs. Green that they
should see the good doctor. The doctor greeted the Greens and
said he would not take the case unless he felt that he could help
them; so he conducted the physical exams and the same battery of
tests. Then he told the Greens the bad news. "I cannot help you,
so I will not take your money. I believe your sex life is as good
as it will ever be. I cannot help."

The Greens pleaded with him, and said, "You helped our friends the
Browns, now please, please help us."

"Well, all right", the doctor said. "On your way home from the
office, stop at the grocery store and buy some apples and a box
of cheerios..."

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18++ 29 Dec 2004

The new inmate at the mental hospital announced in a
loud voice that he was the famous British naval hero,
Lord Nelson. This was particularly interesting, because
the institution already had a "Lord Nelson."

The head psychiatrist, after due consideration, decided
to put the two men in the same room, feeling that the
similarity of their delusions might prompt an adjustment
in each that would help in curing them. It was a
calculated risk, of course, for the two men might react
violently to one another, but they were introduced and
then left alone and no disturbance was heard from the
room that night.

The next morning, the doctor had a talk with his new
patient and was more than pleasantly surprised when he
was told "Doctor, I've been suffering from a delusion. I
know now that I am not Lord Nelson."

"That's wonderful," said the doctor.

"Yes," said the patient, smiling demurely, "I'm Lady
Nelson."
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18++ 28 Dec 2004

Q: What's the similarity between a camera and a condom?
A: They're both used to catch those special moments!
-------------------------------
Q: How do you grow chickens?
A: On eggplants.

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18++ 27 Dec 2004

A woman is drying herself after a shower when she suddenly slips over and lands
spread legged on the bathroom floor. She tries to stand up again but realizes
that she landed so hard that her vagina has stuck to the floor creating such a
vacuum that she can't move. She calls out to her husband for help. He tries with
all his strength to lift her up but she won't budge. So he goes next door and
gets the neighbor. Both of them are pulling like oxen but she just won't move.
She is truly stuck to the floor. Suddenly the neighbor says, "Why don't we just
get a hammer and break the tiles around her legs and lift her that way?" "Great
idea," says the husband, "But let me rub her boobs a little to arouse her."
"Why?" asks a confused neighbor. "She'll need the lubrication so I can slide her
over into the kitchen. The tiles are cheaper in there."

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WORTH READING
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priorities of existence and also to get their answers.

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18++ 24 Dec 2004

This paper was turned in by an Oakland High school student who received the
highest honors at the school district's ebonics translation competition.
Assignment: Please translate the following Rap song lyrics from Ebonics to
standard English.

Artist: Notorious B.I.G.
Album: Ready to Die
Song: One more chance (remix)

Lyrics:
First things first, I poppa, freaks all the honeys
Dummies - playboy bunnies, those wantin' money
Those the ones I like 'cause they don't get nathan'
But penetration, unless it smells like sanitation
Garbage, I turn like doorknobs
Heart throb, never, black and ugly as ever
However, I stay coochied down to the socks
Rings and watch filled with rocks
TRANSLATION:
As a general rule, I perform deviant sexual acts with women of all kinds,
including but not limited to those with limited intellect, nude magazine
models, and prostitutes. I particularly enjoy sexual encounters with the
latter group as they are generally disappointed in the fact that they only
receive penile intercourse and nothing more, unless of course, they douche
on a consistent basis. Although I am extremely unattractive, I am able to
engage in these types of sexual acts with some regularity. Perhaps my
sexuality is somehow related to my fancy and expensive jewelry.

Lyrics:
And my jam knock in the Mitsubishi
Girls pee pee when they see me, Nava-hoes creep me in they tee pee
As I lay down laws like I lay carpet Stop it - if you think your
gonna make a profit
TRANS:
I enjoy playing my music loudly on my car stereo. Apparently, women enjoy
this also because they become sexually aroused when they see me driving.
Oddly enough, when I visit the Native American reservations, some of the
more sexually promiscuous Indian women attempt to seduce me in their homes.
Their intent is to divest me of my earnings. Such actions are
unacceptable.

Lyrics:
Don't see my ones, don't see my guns - get it
Now tell ya friends Poppa hit it then split it
In two as I flow with the Junior Mafia
I don't know what the hell's stoppin' ya
I'm clockin' ya - Versace shades watchin' ya
Once ya grin, I'm in game, begin
TRANS:
Understand this fact: you can have neither my money, nor my weapons.
I suggest that you inform your peers that we engaged in violent sexual
acts. Currently, I am rapping with my associates, the Junior Mafia. I'm
having some difficulty understanding why you refuse to approach me. I am
attempting to make eye contact with you through my expensive glasses, and
as soon as you respond with a smile, I will approach you.

Lyrics:
First I talk about how I dress and this
And diamond necklaces - stretch Lexuses
The sex is just immaculate from the back I get
Deeper and deeper - help ya reach the
Climax that your man can't make
Call and tell him you'll be home real late
Let's sing the break
TRANS:
I prefer to open the conversation with light banter about my
wardrobe and jewelry, then I like to discuss my collection of expensive
cars. This is more than enough to convince you to have sexual intercourse
with me. I am able to insert my penis further into you when I enter you from
behind. Furthermore, you will be able to reach orgasm. I understand this
to be a problem with your current sexual partner. He needn't be concerned
about your whereabouts. Please phone him and inform him that you won't be
home for a while. By the way, please sing the chorus of the song for me
also.

Lyrics:
She's sick of that song on how it's so long
Thought he worked his until I handled my biz
There I is - major pain like Damon Wayans
Low down dirty even like his brother Keenan
Schemin' - don't bring your girl 'round me
True player for real, ask Puff Daddy
TRANS:
Your current love interest no longer wishes to hear your fabrications about
the length of your member. After I had sexual intercourse with your woman,
she became enlightened as to the proper way it is supposed to be performed;
violently and immorally. It would be in your best interest to keep your
woman away from me as my sexual prowess is very strong. If you are
unconvinced, ask Puff Daddy.

Lyrics:
You - ringin' bells with bags from Chanel
Baby Benz, traded in your Hyundai Excel
Fully equipped, CD changer with the cell
She beeped me, meet me at twelve
TRANS:
Despite the fact that you attempted to win her at her doorstep with bags
full of expensive clothes and a car(the lower end model Mercedes Benz which
you financed by signing over your current vehicle) containing an expensive
stereo and a cellular phone, your woman has contacted me through my pager
indicating that we should rendezvous at midnight.

Lyrics:
Where you at? Flippin' jobs, playin' car notes? While I'm swimmin' in ya
women like the breast stroke Right stroke, left stroke what's the best
stroke Death stroke - tongue all down her throat Nuthin' left to do but
send her home to you I'm through - can ya sing the song for me, boo?
TRANS:
You, on the other hand, jump from job to job, barely able to maintain
payments on the Mercedes Benz you purchased for your woman. Meanwhile, I
continue to engage in sexual intercourse and commit lewd osculatory acts
with your women. My only remaining option is to request that she leave my
home and return to you because I have reached orgasm and no longer have a
need for her presence.

Lyrics:
So, what's it gonna be? Him or me?
We can cruise the world with pearls
Gator boots for girls
The envy of all women, crushed linen
Cartier wrist-wear with diamonds in 'em
The finest women I love with a passion
Ya man's a wimp, I give that ass a good thrashin'
TRANS:
The ultimate decision rests with you. Whom do you choose as your sexual
partner. I can take you on cruises around the world. I will dress you in
the finest jewelry and footwear. You will be envied by women worldwide in
your fine clothes and jewelry. There is a special place in my heart for
beautiful women. I will defeat your man in an altercation because he is
effeminate.

Lyrics:
High fashion - flyin' into all states.
Sexin' me while your man masturbates.
Isn't this great? Your flight leaves at eight.
Her flight lands at nine, my game just rewinds.
Lyrically I'm supposed to represent.
I'm not only the client, I'm the player president
TRANS:
You will be dressed in finest clothes on the runways of Paris. I will fly
you to every state to shop for fine clothes and jewelry. You will enjoy
sexual intercourse with me and your man will be forced to pleasure himself
through manual stimulation. What a life! I'll return you to LaGuardia in
time to catch your 8 o'clock flight. The timing is perfect because I have
scheduled a date with a second woman who arrives at the same gate at 9
o'clock. I'll seduce her in the same way that I seduced you. I rap well
and I am a positive reflection of my home town. Not only am I a sexually
deviant, misogynistic, immoral, wealthy, male prostitute, but I also sit on
the board of directors of the organization that governs others of my kind


Wishing you and your family members a Merry Chrismas
and a very Happy and Prosperous New Year.
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WORTH READING
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priorities of existence and also to get their answers.

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18++ 22 Dec 2004

Pumpkin Lover

Police arrested Malcolm Davidson, a 27 year-old white male resident of
Wilmington, NC, in a pumpkin patch at 11:38pm Friday. Davidson will be charged
with lewd and lascivious behavior, public indecency, and public intoxication at
the County courthouse on Monday.

The suspect allegedly stated that as he was passing a pumpkin patch, he decided
to stop. "You know, a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was no one
around here for miles. At least I thought there wasn't," he stated in a phone
interview from the County courthouse jail.

Davidson went on to state that he pulled over to the side of the road, picked
out pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purposes, cut a hole in it, and
proceeded to satisfy his alleged "need". "I guess I was just really into it, you
know?" he commented with evident embarrassment.

In the process, Davidson apparently failed to notice the Wilmington Municipal
police car approaching and was unaware of his audience until officer Brenda
Taylor approached him. "It was an unusual situation, that's for sure." said
officer Taylor. "I walked up to (Davidson) and he's...just working away at this
pumpkin." Taylor went on to describe what happened when she approached Davidson.
He just went up and said, 'Excuse me sir, but do you realize that you are
screwing a pumpkin?' He got real surprised as you'd expect and then looked me
straight in the face and said,

"A pumpkin? Damn... is it midnight already?"

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JOKE OF THE DAY
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WORTH READING
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that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your chance to question the
priorities of existence and also to get their answers.

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18++ 21 Dec 2004

A crusty old Cavalry Colonel found himself at a gala event downtown,
hosted by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of extremely
young, idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the colonel
for conversation. She said, "Excuse me, sir, but you seem to be a very
serious man. Are you this way all the time, or is something bothering
you?"

"No," the colonel said, "just serious by nature."

The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, "it looks
like you have seen a lot of action."

The colonel's short reply was, "Yep, a lot of action."

The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, "You
know, you should lighten up a little - relax and enjoy yourself."

The colonel just stared at her in his serious manner.

Finally the young lady said, "You know, I hope you don't take this the
wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?"

The colonel looked at her and replied, "1955."

She said, "Well there you go; you really need to chill out and quit taking
everything so seriously - I mean, no sex since 1955, isn't that a little
extreme?"

The colonel, glancing at his watch, said in his matter-of-fact voice, "Oh,
I don't know. It's only 21:30 now!"

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JOKE OF THE DAY
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As wise men say, a joke a day keeps the doctor away. So step into the health
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trivial, witty and wacky, spontaneous and sportive. Wishing you a laugh riot.

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WORTH READING
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Things they do not teach you at college! Life's puzzle unfolded. Words of wisdom
that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your chance to question the
priorities of existence and also to get their answers.

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18++ 17 Dec 2004

A man takes a lady out to dinner for the first time. Later they go
on to a show. The evening is a huge success and as he drops
her at her door he says, "I have had a lovely time. You looked
so beautiful, you remind me of a beautiful rambling rose. May I
call on you tomorrow?"
She agrees and a date is made. The next night he knocks on
her door and when she opens it she slaps him hard across the
face. He is stunned. "What was that for?" he asked. She said,
"I looked up 'rambling rose' in the encyclopedia last night and
it said 'Not well suited to bedding, but is excellent for rooting up
against a garden wall'!!!"

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Or simply Blog it @
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JOKE OF THE DAY
----------------
As wise men say, a joke a day keeps the doctor away. So step into the health
zone by sharing a hearty laugh. A variety of jokes that are ludicrous and
trivial, witty and wacky, spontaneous and sportive. Wishing you a laugh riot.

Join the Joke of the Day mailing list @
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Or simply go Blogging @
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WORTH READING
-------------
Things they do not teach you at college! Life's puzzle unfolded. Words of wisdom
that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your chance to question the
priorities of existence and also to get their answers.

Join the Worth Reading mailing list @
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Or simply go Blogging @
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18++ 16 Dec 2004

A man walked into a bar carrying an ape in his arms. "I just bought this
fella as a pet," he explained. "We have no children, so he's going to
live with us, just like one of the family. He'll eat at our table, even
sleep in the bed with me and the wife."
"But what about the smell?" Someone asked. "Oh, he'll just have to get
used to it, the same way I did."

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QUOTATION OF THE DAY
--------------------
They inspire, they motivate and at times they tickle your funny bone. But they
never miss to touch your heart. Your daily supply of chosen gems from the world
of literature, ancient proverbs, poetry and sayings from great leaders.

Join the Quote A Day mailing list @
http://groups-beta.google.com/group/QuotationOfTheDay
Or simply Blog it @
http://quotationoftheday.blogspot.com/

JOKE OF THE DAY
----------------
As wise men say, a joke a day keeps the doctor away. So step into the health
zone by sharing a hearty laugh. A variety of jokes that are ludicrous and
trivial, witty and wacky, spontaneous and sportive. Wishing you a laugh riot.

Join the Joke of the Day mailing list @
http://groups-beta.google.com/group/JokeOfTheDay
Or simply go Blogging @
http://joketimefolks.blogspot.com/

WORTH READING
-------------
Things they do not teach you at college! Life's puzzle unfolded. Words of wisdom
that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your chance to question the
priorities of existence and also to get their answers.

Join the Worth Reading mailing list @
http://groups-beta.google.com/group/WorthReading
Or simply go Blogging @
http://readingtimefolks.blogspot.com/

18++ 15 Dec 2004

One day in the locker room,Jules sees a fat woman with a cork in her
ass. Curious,she ask the woman how it got there.

"Well",says the woman,"I was walking along the beach when I tripped
over a lamp .There was a puff of smoke and this great big guy in a
turban came oozing out , saying, "I'm a genie.I can grant you one wish."

And I said, "No shit."

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QUOTATION OF THE DAY
--------------------
They inspire, they motivate and at times they tickle your funny bone. But they
never miss to touch your heart. Your daily supply of chosen gems from the world
of literature, ancient proverbs, poetry and sayings from great leaders.

Join the Quote A Day mailing list @
http://groups-beta.google.com/group/QuotationOfTheDay
Or simply Blog it @
http://quotationoftheday.blogspot.com/

JOKE OF THE DAY
----------------
As wise men say, a joke a day keeps the doctor away. So step into the health
zone by sharing a hearty laugh. A variety of jokes that are ludicrous and
trivial, witty and wacky, spontaneous and sportive. Wishing you a laugh riot.

Join the Joke of the Day mailing list @
http://groups-beta.google.com/group/JokeOfTheDay
Or simply go Blogging @
http://joketimefolks.blogspot.com/

WORTH READING
-------------
Things they do not teach you at college! Life's puzzle unfolded. Words of wisdom
that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your chance to question the
priorities of existence and also to get their answers.

Join the Worth Reading mailing list @
http://groups-beta.google.com/group/WorthReading
Or simply go Blogging @
http://readingtimefolks.blogspot.com/

18++ 14 Dec 2004

A policeman cruising past a pub after closing time notices two
motor bikes still parked out the front. He goes round the back
of the pub only to find two bikers, one with his fingers up the
butt of the other.

"So what's going on here?" he asks.

The biker replies, "My mate here has had too much to drink and
I'm trying to make him vomit."

The cop says, "I think you should be sticking your fingers down
his THROAT."

The biker replies, "That's what I'm going to do next!"

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QUOTATION OF THE DAY
--------------------
They inspire, they motivate and at times they tickle your funny bone. But they
never miss to touch your heart. Your daily supply of chosen gems from the world
of literature, ancient proverbs, poetry and sayings from great leaders.

Join the Quote A Day mailing list @
http://groups-beta.google.com/group/QuotationOfTheDay
Or simply Blog it @
http://quotationoftheday.blogspot.com/

JOKE OF THE DAY
----------------
As wise men say, a joke a day keeps the doctor away. So step into the health
zone by sharing a hearty laugh. A variety of jokes that are ludicrous and
trivial, witty and wacky, spontaneous and sportive. Wishing you a laugh riot.

Join the Joke of the Day mailing list @
http://groups-beta.google.com/group/JokeOfTheDay
Or simply go Blogging @
http://joketimefolks.blogspot.com/

WORTH READING
-------------
Things they do not teach you at college! Life's puzzle unfolded. Words of wisdom
that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your chance to question the
priorities of existence and also to get their answers.

Join the Worth Reading mailing list @
http://groups-beta.google.com/group/WorthReading
Or simply go Blogging @
http://readingtimefolks.blogspot.com/

18++ 13 Dec 2004

Kissing is a habit,
screwing is a game,
boys get all the pleasure,
girls get all the pain,
he says he loves you and you believe it's true
but when your stomach starts to swell
he says the hell with you!!!
16 min of pleasure,
9 months of pain,
3 days in the hospital ,
a baby with no name.
The baby is a bastard
the mother is a whore,
it never would have happened
if the rubber hadn't tore.

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QUOTATION OF THE DAY
--------------------
They inspire, they motivate and at times they tickle your funny bone. But they
never miss to touch your heart. Your daily supply of chosen gems from the world
of literature, ancient proverbs, poetry and sayings from great leaders.

Join the Quote A Day mailing list @
http://groups-beta.google.com/group/QuotationOfTheDay
Or simply Blog it @
http://quotationoftheday.blogspot.com/

JOKE OF THE DAY
----------------
As wise men say, a joke a day keeps the doctor away. So step into the health
zone by sharing a hearty laugh. A variety of jokes that are ludicrous and
trivial, witty and wacky, spontaneous and sportive. Wishing you a laugh riot.

Join the Joke of the Day mailing list @
http://groups-beta.google.com/group/JokeOfTheDay
Or simply go Blogging @
http://joketimefolks.blogspot.com/

WORTH READING
-------------
Things they do not teach you at college! Life's puzzle unfolded. Words of wisdom
that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your chance to question the
priorities of existence and also to get their answers.

Join the Worth Reading mailing list @
http://groups-beta.google.com/group/WorthReading
Or simply go Blogging @
http://readingtimefolks.blogspot.com/

18++ 10 Dec 2004

The Devil And The Golfer

A golfer is in a competitive match with a friend, who is ahead by a couple of
strokes. The golfer says to himself, "I'd give anything to sink this next putt."

A stranger walks up to him and whispers, "Would you give up a fourth of your sex
life?"

The golfer thinks the man is crazy and that his answer will be meaningless but
also that perhaps this is a good omen and will put him in the right frame of
mind to make the difficult putt and says, "OK." And sinks the putt.

Two holes later he mumbles to himself, "Boy, if I could only get an eagle on
this hole."

The same stranger moves to his side and says, "Would it be worth another fourth
of your sex life?"

The golfer shrugs and says, "Sure." And he makes an eagle.

Down to the final hole. The golfer needs yet another eagle to win. Though he
says nothing, the stranger moves to his side and says, "Would you be willing to
give up the rest of your sex life to win this match?"

The golfer says, "Certainly." And makes the eagle.

As the golfer walks to the club house, the stranger walks alongside and
says,"You know, I've really not been fair with you because you don't know who I
am. I'm the devil and from now on you will have no sex life."

"Nice to meet you," says the golfer. "My name's Father O'Malley."

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QUOTATION OF THE DAY
--------------------
They inspire, they motivate and at times they tickle your funny bone. But they
never miss to touch your heart. Your daily supply of chosen gems from the world
of literature, ancient proverbs, poetry and sayings from great leaders.

Join the Quote A Day mailing list @
http://groups-beta.google.com/group/QuotationOfTheDay
Or simply Blog it @
http://quotationoftheday.blogspot.com/

JOKE OF THE DAY
----------------
As wise men say, a joke a day keeps the doctor away. So step into the health
zone by sharing a hearty laugh. A variety of jokes that are ludicrous and
trivial, witty and wacky, spontaneous and sportive. Wishing you a laugh riot.

Join the Joke of the Day mailing list @
http://groups-beta.google.com/group/JokeOfTheDay
Or simply go Blogging @
http://joketimefolks.blogspot.com/

WORTH READING
-------------
Things they do not teach you at college! Life's puzzle unfolded. Words of wisdom
that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your chance to question the
priorities of existence and also to get their answers.

Join the Worth Reading mailing list @
http://groups-beta.google.com/group/WorthReading
Or simply go Blogging @
http://readingtimefolks.blogspot.com/

18++ 7 Dec 2004

The young male race horse came from a long line of winners, and did
wonderfully in time trials. However, in actual races he proved a little
too romantic, and could never quite bring himself to pass a mare.

So one day the trainer went to him and told him he'd have to be
castrated. The young horse, knowing that it was either this or the glue
factory, took it philosophically. After all, having the operation was
almost a certain guarantee of a long and illustrious racing career.

After a short recovery period, the horse was again run in time trials,
and found to do as well as ever. But the first time he actually ran in
a race, he only went about ten paces, before getting a dejected look on
his face, turning around, and ambling back to the starting gates.

"What's the matter?" asked the trainer, "you were doing great!"

"Yeah, well how would you feel" replied the horse, "if five thousand
people took one look at you and shouted 'they're off!'?"

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ALSO PLAYING AT A MAILING LIST NEAR YOU ::

QUOTATION OF THE DAY
--------------------
They inspire, they motivate and at times they tickle your funny bone. But they
never miss to touch your heart. Your daily supply of chosen gems from the world
of literature, ancient proverbs, poetry and sayings from great leaders.

Join the Quote A Day mailing list @
http://groups-beta.google.com/group/QuotationOfTheDay
Or simply Blog it @
http://quotationoftheday.blogspot.com/

JOKE OF THE DAY
----------------
As wise men say, a joke a day keeps the doctor away. So step into the health
zone by sharing a hearty laugh. A variety of jokes that are ludicrous and
trivial, witty and wacky, spontaneous and sportive. Wishing you a laugh riot.

Join the Joke of the Day mailing list @
http://groups-beta.google.com/group/JokeOfTheDay
Or simply go Blogging @
http://joketimefolks.blogspot.com/

WORTH READING
-------------
Things they do not teach you at college! Life's puzzle unfolded. Words of wisdom
that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your chance to question the
priorities of existence and also to get their answers.

Join the Worth Reading mailing list @
http://groups-beta.google.com/group/WorthReading
Or simply go Blogging @
http://readingtimefolks.blogspot.com/

18++ 7 Dec 2004

The young male race horse came from a long line of winners, and did
wonderfully in time trials. However, in actual races he proved a little
too romantic, and could never quite bring himself to pass a mare.

So one day the trainer went to him and told him he'd have to be
castrated. The young horse, knowing that it was either this or the glue
factory, took it philosophically. After all, having the operation was
almost a certain guarantee of a long and illustrious racing career.

After a short recovery period, the horse was again run in time trials,
and found to do as well as ever. But the first time he actually ran in
a race, he only went about ten paces, before getting a dejected look on
his face, turning around, and ambling back to the starting gates.

"What's the matter?" asked the trainer, "you were doing great!"

"Yeah, well how would you feel" replied the horse, "if five thousand
people took one look at you and shouted 'they're off!'?"

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ALSO PLAYING AT A MAILING LIST NEAR YOU ::

QUOTATION OF THE DAY
--------------------
They inspire, they motivate and at times they tickle your funny bone. But they
never miss to touch your heart. Your daily supply of chosen gems from the world
of literature, ancient proverbs, poetry and sayings from great leaders.

Join the Quote A Day mailing list @
http://groups-beta.google.com/group/QuotationOfTheDay
Or simply Blog it @
http://quotationoftheday.blogspot.com/

JOKE OF THE DAY
----------------
As wise men say, a joke a day keeps the doctor away. So step into the health
zone by sharing a hearty laugh. A variety of jokes that are ludicrous and
trivial, witty and wacky, spontaneous and sportive. Wishing you a laugh riot.

Join the Joke of the Day mailing list @
http://groups-beta.google.com/group/JokeOfTheDay
Or simply go Blogging @
http://joketimefolks.blogspot.com/

WORTH READING
-------------
Things they do not teach you at college! Life's puzzle unfolded. Words of wisdom
that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your chance to question the
priorities of existence and also to get their answers.

Join the Worth Reading mailing list @
http://groups-beta.google.com/group/WorthReading
Or simply go Blogging @
http://readingtimefolks.blogspot.com/

18++ 6 Nov 2004

A young woman was preparing for her wedding. She asked her mother to go
out and buy a nice long black negligee and carefully place it in her
suitcase so it would not wrinkle. Well, Mom forgot until the last minute.
She dashed out and could only find a short pink nightie. She bought it and
threw it into the suitcase.
After the wedding, the bride and groom entered their hotel room. The groom
was a little self-conscious, so he asked his new bride to change in the
bathroom and promise not to peek while he got ready for bed. While she was
in the bathroom, the bride opened her suitcase and saw the negligee her
mother had thrown in there.
"Oh no! It's short, pink, and wrinkled!" She exclaimed.
Then her groom cried out, "I told you not to peek!"

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QUOTATION OF THE DAY
--------------------
They inspire, they motivate and at times they tickle your funny bone. But they
never miss to touch your heart. Your daily supply of chosen gems from the world
of literature, ancient proverbs, poetry and sayings from great leaders.

Join the Quote A Day mailing list @
http://groups-beta.google.com/group/QuotationOfTheDay
Or simply Blog it @
http://quotationoftheday.blogspot.com/

JOKE OF THE DAY
----------------
As wise men say, a joke a day keeps the doctor away. So step into the health
zone by sharing a hearty laugh. A variety of jokes that are ludicrous and
trivial, witty and wacky, spontaneous and sportive. Wishing you a laugh riot.

Join the Joke of the Day mailing list @
http://groups-beta.google.com/group/JokeOfTheDay
Or simply go Blogging @
http://joketimefolks.blogspot.com/

WORTH READING
-------------
Things they do not teach you at college! Life's puzzle unfolded. Words of wisdom
that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your chance to question the
priorities of existence and also to get their answers.

Join the Worth Reading mailing list @
http://groups-beta.google.com/group/WorthReading
Or simply go Blogging @
http://readingtimefolks.blogspot.com/

18++ 3 Dec 2004

Poof!

An old lady sits on her front porch, rocking away the last days of her long
life, when all of a sudden, a fairy godmother appears and informs her that she
will be granted three wishes.

"Well, now," says the old lady, "I guess I would like to be really rich."

*** POOF *** Her rocking chair turns to solid gold.

"And, gee, I guess I wouldn't mind being a young, beautiful princess."

*** POOF *** She turns into a beautiful young woman.

"Your third wish?" asks the fairy godmother. Just then the old woman's cat
wanders across the porch in front of them. "Ooh - can you change him into a
handsome prince?" she asks.

*** POOF ***

There before her stands a young man more handsome than anyone could possibly
imagine. She stares at him, smitten. With a smile that makes her knees weak, he
saunters across the porch and whispers in her ear, "Bet you're sorry you had me
neutered."

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QUOTATION OF THE DAY
--------------------
They inspire, they motivate and at times they tickle your funny bone. But they
never miss to touch your heart. Your daily supply of chosen gems from the world
of literature, ancient proverbs, poetry and sayings from great leaders.

Join the Quote A Day mailing list @
http://groups-beta.google.com/group/QuotationOfTheDay
Or simply Blog it @
http://quotationoftheday.blogspot.com/

JOKE OF THE DAY
----------------
As wise men say, a joke a day keeps the doctor away. So step into the health
zone by sharing a hearty laugh. A variety of jokes that are ludicrous and
trivial, witty and wacky, spontaneous and sportive. Wishing you a laugh riot.

Join the Joke of the Day mailing list @
http://groups-beta.google.com/group/JokeOfTheDay
Or simply go Blogging @
http://joketimefolks.blogspot.com/

WORTH READING
-------------
Things they do not teach you at college! Life's puzzle unfolded. Words of wisdom
that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your chance to question the
priorities of existence and also to get their answers.

Join the Worth Reading mailing list @
http://groups-beta.google.com/group/WorthReading
Or simply go Blogging @
http://readingtimefolks.blogspot.com/

18++ 1 Dec 2004

A mother had three daughters and on their wedding day, she
tells each one of them to write back about their marriage life.
And the first one gets married....

The second day the letter arrives with a single message
....simply: "Maxwell House Coffee!"
Mother got confused and finally noticed a Maxwell House ad, it says:
"Satisfaction to the last drop...".
So, Mother is happy.

Then the second daughter gets married.
Only after a week was there a message that reads; "Rothmans".
So the Mother looks into the Rothmans ad, and it says;
"LIFE SIZE, KING SIZE".
And Mother is happy.

Then it was the third one's wedding.
Mother was anxious. Finally, after 4 weeks came the message;
"BRITISH AIRWAYS".
Mother looks into the BA ad, but this time she fainted. The ad reads;
"TWO TIMES A DAY,
FOUR TIMES A WEEK,
BOTH WAYS."

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QUOTATION OF THE DAY
--------------------
They inspire, they motivate and at times they tickle your funny bone. But they
never miss to touch your heart. Your daily supply of chosen gems from the world
of literature, ancient proverbs, poetry and sayings from great leaders.

Join the Quote A Day mailing list @
http://groups-beta.google.com/group/QuotationOfTheDay
Or simply Blog it @
http://quotationoftheday.blogspot.com/

JOKE OF THE DAY
----------------
As wise men say, a joke a day keeps the doctor away. So step into the health
zone by sharing a hearty laugh. A variety of jokes that are ludicrous and
trivial, witty and wacky, spontaneous and sportive. Wishing you a laugh riot.

Join the Joke of the Day mailing list @
http://groups-beta.google.com/group/JokeOfTheDay
Or simply go Blogging @
http://joketimefolks.blogspot.com/

WORTH READING
-------------
Things they do not teach you at college! Life's puzzle unfolded. Words of wisdom
that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your chance to question the
priorities of existence and also to get their answers.

Join the Worth Reading mailing list @
http://groups-beta.google.com/group/WorthReading
Or simply go Blogging @
http://readingtimefolks.blogspot.com/