18++ 28 Sep 2007

After forty years of marriage, Frankenstein and the Bride
of Frankenstein came to a standstill in their love life.

Each night Frankenstein would come home from work, eat his
dinner, and sit in front of the television set until he
fell asleep. Dissatisfied with this arrangement, the Bride
decided to see a therapist.

"He's never in the mood," complained the Bride.

"Try a romantic candlelight dinner," suggested the therapist.

The next day, the Bride returned to the therapist with a frown
on her face.

"He's still not in the mood," she complained.

"This time," the therapist recommended, "try something more
seductive. Put on some sexy lingerie and lure him into the
bedroom."

But the Bride returned to the therapist the following day
complaining that her monster of a husband was still not in
the mood. As a final piece of advice, the therapist said,
"You should try to recreate the moment that first sparked
your romance."

The next day the Bride returned with a huge grin on her face.

"Thank you so much," she said to the therapist. "Last night,
I forced Frankenstein to come outside in the middle of the
lightening storm. And right there, in our backyard, he made
love to me like it was our very first time."

"Making love in a lightening storm put him in the mood?"
asked the therapist.

"Well," giggled the Bride of Frankenstein, "I tied a kite to
his penis."
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18++ 27 Sep 2007

A man goes to church one Sunday and hears a sermon about the
Ten Commandments. He has an epiphany and goes to confession.

"Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned," he begins.

"Go ahead, son," the priest says.

"Well, I lost my hat and I came to church to steal one. But
then I heard your sermon and I changed my mind."

"That's great." the priest replies. "'Thou shalt not steal'
is a powerful commandment."

"True," the man says. "But it was when you said, 'Thou shalt
not commit adultery' that I remembered where my hat was."
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18++ 26 Sep 2007

Three girls died and were brought to the gates of heaven. Upon entering
the gate, they were halted by St. Peter and his obedient angel.

St. Peter asked the girls, "Before entering you must answer this simple
question."

"Have you been a good girl?", he asked the first girl.
"Oh yes", she said. "I was a virgin before I got married and was still
virgin even after I got married." "Very good", said St. Peter. "Angel,
give this girl ...the golden key."

"Have you been a good girl?", he asked the second girl.
"Oh, quite good", she said. "I was a virgin before I got married but
was not after I got married." "Very good", said St. Peter. "Angel, give
this girl ... the silver key."

"Have you been a good girl?", he asked the third girl.
"Oh no, not at all," she said. "I practically made luv with every guy I
met before and after I got married. Anywhere, anytime." "Very good,"
said St. Peter. "Angel, give this girl ... my room key."

shared by Prashant

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18++ 25 Sep 2007

A young priest is walking through town running some errands
when he passes a hooker. She says to him, "Father, I'll give
you a blow job for twenty bucks."

Nervously, the young priest hurries away back to the church
and finds the mother superior. He asks her "What's a blow
job?"

To which the nun replies, "Twenty bucks. Same as in town."

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18++ 24 Sep 2007

"The Joy Of Having A Dick"

I'll tell you a short poem;
I'll try to make it quick.
The subject is quite simple:
The joy of having a dick.

Penises are super things;
You ladies should be jealous.
An organ surrounded by sensitive skin
That's smooth and rarely hairless.

It starts to grow dramatically,
When you're about thirteen.
Your testicles on either side;
Your willy in between.

It dangles neatly down below;
Soft, obedient and loyal.
At the slightest hint of lust,
It's ready to uncoil.

It often has a mind all of its own;
It's like a wild untamed beast.
It squirms and writhes and stretches out;
When you expect it least.

Sometimes, yes, it misbehaves;
Erecting when it shouldn't.
A bumpy train ride sets it off;
Just when you wish it wouldn't.

And during the summer,
Wearing little, sunning on the beach
The slightest sight of shaking boobs
And to cover up you'll have to reach

Handle it with love and care;
For it can give great pleasure.
Has it grown since last weekend?
And when did you last measure?

Some people fret about its size;
They give it lots of thought.
Is seven inches long enough?
It makes guys quite distraught.

They peek across in urinals,
To compare and try to see
But if another glances back at them
There's no way that they can pee

Masturbating is a sin;
That's what some folk believe.
But those are just old wives' tales;
Cuz it really can relieve.

Without this fabulous organ,
No shag would be complete.
Lesbians will try their best;
But must admit defeat.

It has two main bodily functions,
I'm sure you'll all agree,
To start a whole new life,
And of course, daily to pee.

But I think the thing that's marvelous;
About that one eyed brute
Is that when its trying to procreate,
It knows which fluid to shoot.

And always it remains with you;
Until you're old and frail.
Don't take it out in public though,
Or you'll be thrown in jail.

And so to finish up this song
I'd have to say one thing.
Just to reach and touch my schlong,
It makes me want to sing!

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18++ 21 Sep 2007

Inspecting the Truck's Rear Axle

A middle-aged businessman took a young woman half his age as his wife.
The fantasy of having a young woman in his bed soon became a nightmare
when he found that he could not last long enough to satisfy his young
bride.

His wife, as understanding as she was exciting, told him that all was
well even if he was quick to get out of the saddle.

Determined to satisfy this sweet young thing, the man visited the doctor
to get some advice.

"Doctor, I can't seem to hold back for very long when I make love to my
young wife and I can't satisfy her. What can I do?"

The doctor smiled, patted him on the shoulder, and said in a
professional manner, "Try a bit of self-stimulation before having
intercourse with your wife and you'll find that you'll last longer and
ultimately satisfy her."

"Okay, Doctor. If you think that will help."

Later that afternoon, his young bride called him at work to let him know
that she would be attacking him at the front door when he arrived home.

"Be prepared, my darling. I'm going to ravish you," she cooed over the
phone.

Undaunted, the man decided to follow the doctor's advice. But where? In
the office? The Xerox room? What if someone walked in on him?

He got in his truck and began the journey home. Soon he decided he would
find a spot on the road to pull over, climb underneath the truck and
pretend to be inspecting the rear axle, and do the deed there.

A moment later, he pulled over, crawled beneath the truck, closed his
eyes tightly, fantasized about his young wife, and began his "therapy".

A few minutes later, just as he was about to complete his therapy
session, he felt someone tugging on his pants leg. Keeping his eyes
tightly shut to avoid ruining the fantasy he was enjoying, he said,
"Yes?"

"Sir, I'm with the Police Department. Could you tell me what you are
doing, please?" said the officer.

"Yes, officer, I'm inspecting my truck's rear axle," he replied
confidently.

"Well, why don't you check the brakes while you're down there. Your
truck rolled down the hill a few minutes ago."s

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WORTH READING
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18++ 20 Sep 2007

Not Talking to Each Other

A couple returned from their honeymoon and it's obvious to everyone that
they are not talking to each other. The groom's best man takes him aside
and asks what is wrong.

"Well," replied the man, "When we had finished making love on the first
night, as I got up to go to the bathroom I put a $50 bill on the pillow
without thinking."

"Oh, you shouldn't worry about that too much," said his friend. "I'm
sure your wife will get over it soon enough - she can't expect you to
have been saving yourself all these years!"

The groom nodded gently and said, "I don't know if I can get over this
though. She gave me $20 change!"

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WORTH READING
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18++ 18 Sep 2007

Elephant Implants
Bob goes to the doctor and says, "Doc, I'm having trouble getting my
penis erect, can you help me?" After a complete examination, the doctor
tells him, "Well, the problem with you is that the muscles around the
base of your penis are damaged. There's really nothing we can do for you
unless you are willing to try an experimental treatment."

Bob asks sadly, "What is this treatment?" "Well," the doctor says, "what
we should do is take the muscles from the trunk of a baby elephant and
implant them in your penis."

Bob thinks about it silently and says, "Well, the thought of going
through life without ever having sex again is too much, let's go for
it." A few weeks after the operation, Bob was given the green light to
use his improved equipment. He planned a romantic evening with his
girlfriend and took her to one of the nicest restaurants in the city.

In the middle of dinner, he felt a stirring between his legs that
continued to the point of being uncomfortable. To release the pressure,
Bob unzipped his fly. His penis immediately sprang from his pants, went
to the top of the table, grabbed a roll and returned to his pants.

His girlfriend was stunned at first and then said with a sly smile,
"That was incredible! Can you do that again?"

Bob replied,"Well I guess so, but I don't think I can fit another roll
in my ass".

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WORTH READING
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18++ 14 Sep 2007

Are you this nice to every guy you meet?

A man is eating in a fancy restaurant, and there is a gorgeous blond
eating at the next table. He has been checking her out all night, but
lacks the nerve to go talk to her. Suddenly she sneezes and her glass
eye comes flying out of her socket towards the man. He reflexively grabs
and snatches it out of the air.

"Oh my god, I am sooo sorry, " the woman says as she pops her eye back
in place. "Let me buy you dinner to make it up to you."

They enjoy a wonderful dinner together and afterwards the woman invites
him back to her place for a drink. They go back to her HOUSE, and after
a bit she leads him into the bedroom and begins undressing him.

The couple have wild passionate sex over and over all night. The next
morning when he awakens, she has already gotten up and brings him
breakfast in bed. The guy is amazed.

"You know, you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you
meet?"

"No," she replies... "You just happened to catch my eye."

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As wise men say, a joke a day keeps the doctor away. So step into the
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WORTH READING
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Things they do not teach you at college! Life's puzzle unfolded. Words
of wisdom that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your
chance to question the priorities of existence and also to get their
answers.

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18++ 13 Sep 2007

The plane's cabin was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant
who was just as obviously enjoying himself.

He came swishing down the aisle and said through the PA, "Captain Harvey
has asked me to announce that he'll be landing the big scary plane
shortly, lovely people, so if you could just put up your trays that
would be super."

On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed that one of the women hadn't
moved a muscle.

"Perhaps you didn't hear me over those big brute engines. I asked you to
raise your trazy-poo so the main man can pitty-pat us on the ground."

She calmly turned her head and said, "In my country, I am called a
Princess. I take orders from no one."

The flight attended responded, "Well, sweet-cheeks, in my country, I'm
called a Queen, so I outrank you. Put the tray up, Bitch."

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They inspire, they motivate and at times they tickle your funny bone.
But they never miss to touch your heart. Your daily supply of chosen
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from great leaders.

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JOKE OF THE DAY
----------------
As wise men say, a joke a day keeps the doctor away. So step into the
health zone by sharing a hearty laugh. A variety of jokes that are
ludicrous and trivial, witty and wacky, spontaneous and sportive.
Wishing you a laugh riot.

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WORTH READING
-------------
Things they do not teach you at college! Life's puzzle unfolded. Words
of wisdom that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your
chance to question the priorities of existence and also to get their
answers.

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18++ 10 Sep 2007

The Roadrunner was Feeling Very Amorous

The Roadrunner was feeling very amorous one day, and since there were no
other female roadrunners around, he decided to look around.

He happened to spot a lovely dove. Bzzzzzz... down he goes and feathers
are flying, lots of dust in the air and the dazed dove is lying there
with a smile and says, "I'm a dove and I've been loved!"

The Roadrunner is still not satisfied. He spots a Lark flying around and
zooms down on her. Again, feathers are flying around and dust is in the
air and the dazed Lark is lying there and said, "I'm a Lark and I've
been sparked"

The Roadrunner is still not satisfied and spots a Duck. He zooms down
and again feathers are flying and a lot of squawkings and dust flying in
the air, and the roadrunner takes off.

The Duck is lying there really pissed off, and says "I'm a Drake and
there's been a mistake!"

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They inspire, they motivate and at times they tickle your funny bone.
But they never miss to touch your heart. Your daily supply of chosen
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JOKE OF THE DAY
----------------
As wise men say, a joke a day keeps the doctor away. So step into the
health zone by sharing a hearty laugh. A variety of jokes that are
ludicrous and trivial, witty and wacky, spontaneous and sportive.
Wishing you a laugh riot.

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WORTH READING
-------------
Things they do not teach you at college! Life's puzzle unfolded. Words
of wisdom that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your
chance to question the priorities of existence and also to get their
answers.

Join the Worth Reading mailing list @

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18++ 7 Sep 2007

Doggie-Style
Two buddies were sharing drinks while discussing their wives.

"Do you and your wife ever do it doggie style?" "Well... not exactly.
She's more into the trick dog aspect of it.

"Oh, I see, kinky, huh?"

"Well...not exactly. I sit up and beg and she rolls over and plays
dead."

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QUOTATION OF THE DAY
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They inspire, they motivate and at times they tickle your funny bone.
But they never miss to touch your heart. Your daily supply of chosen
gems from the world of literature, ancient proverbs, poetry and sayings
from great leaders.

Join the Quote A Day mailing list @

http://groups-beta.google.com/group/QuotationOfTheDay
Or simply Blog it @

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JOKE OF THE DAY
----------------
As wise men say, a joke a day keeps the doctor away. So step into the
health zone by sharing a hearty laugh. A variety of jokes that are
ludicrous and trivial, witty and wacky, spontaneous and sportive.
Wishing you a laugh riot.

Join the Joke of the Day mailing list @

http://groups-beta.google.com/group/JokeOfTheDay
Or simply go Blogging @
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WORTH READING
-------------
Things they do not teach you at college! Life's puzzle unfolded. Words
of wisdom that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your
chance to question the priorities of existence and also to get their
answers.

Join the Worth Reading mailing list @

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Or simply go Blogging @
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