18++: April 2007

18++ 30 April 2007

A Day at the Races
----------------------------------------

Horses in the race:

Passionate Lady
Clean Sheets
Bare Belly
Thighs
Silk Panties
Big Johnson
Conscience
Heavy Bosom
Jockey Shorts
Merry Cherry

At the Post...

They're off! Conscience is left behind at the post. Jockey Shorts and
Silk Panties are off in a hurry. Heavy Bosom is being pressured.
Passionate Lady is caught between Thighs and Big Johnson in a very tight
spot.

At the Halfway Mark...

It's Bare Belly on top. Thighs opens up and Big Johnson is pressed in.
Heavy Bosom is being pushed hard against Clean Sheets. Passionate Lady
and Thighs are working hard on Bare Belly. Bare Belly is under terrific
pressure from Big Johnson.

At the Stretch...

Merry Cherry cracks under the strain. Big Johnson is making a final
drive. Passionate Lady is coming.

At the Finish...

It's Big Johnson giving everything he's got and Passionate Lady takes
everything Big Johnson has to offer. It looks like a dead heat but Big
Johnson squirts through and wins by a head. Heavy Bosom weakens and
Thighs pull up.

Clean Sheets never had a chance...

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18++ 27 April 2007

Redneck Romance
----------------------------------------

One day the Arkansas county sheriff sees Billy-Bob walking around town
with nothing on except his boots.

The sheriff says "Billy-Bob, what the hell are you doing walking around
town dressed like that?"

Billy-Bob replies "Well, Sheriff, me and MaryLou was down on the farm
and we started a-cuddlin.' MaryLou said we should go in the barn and we
did. Inside the barn we stated a kissing and a-cuddlin' some more and
things got pretty hot and heavy. Well, then MaryLou took off all her
clothes and said that I should do the same. So, I took off all my
clothes except my boots. Then MaryLou lay herself on the hay and said
'Okay Billy-Bob, lets go to town!' . . . I guess I'm the first one
here!"

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WORTH READING
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18++ 26 April 2007

----------------------------------------
Top Ten Reasons to go to Work Naked
----------------------------------------

1. Your boss is always yelling, "I wanna see your ass in here by 8:00!"

2. Can take advantage of computer monitor radiation to work on your tan.

3. Inventive way to finally meet that hottie in Human Resources.

4. "I'd love to chip in, but I left my wallet in my pants."

5. To stop those creepy guys in Marketing from looking down your blouse.

6. You want to see if it's like the dream.

7. So that with a little help from Muzak you can add "Exotic Dancer" to
your exaggerated resume.

8. People stop stealing your pens after they've seen where you keep
them.

9. Diverts attention from the fact that you also came to work stoned.

10. Gives "bad hair day" a whole new meaning.

11. No one steals your chair anymore.

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WORTH READING
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chance to question the priorities of existence and also to get their
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18++ 25 April 2007

----------------------------------------
The Nine Important Men in the Life of a Woman
----------------------------------------

1. THE DOCTOR : because he says : "Take off your clothes"

2. THE DENTIST : because he says : "Open wide"

3. THE HAIRDRESSER : because he says : "Do you want it teased or blown"

4. THE MILKMAN : because he says : "Do you want it in the front or the
back"

5. THE INTERIOR DECORATOR : because he says : "Once it's in, you'll love
it."

6. THE SHARE BROKER : because he says : "It will rise right up,
fluctuate for a while and then slowly fall back again"

7. THE BANKER : because he says : "If you take it out too soon, you'll
lose interest"

8. THE HUNTER: because he "Goes deep in the bush, shoots twice and
always eats what he shoots"

9. THE BELL ATLANTIC GUY : because he says : "Would you like it on the
table or against the wall?"

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WORTH READING
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18++ 23 April 2007

A lady dies and goes to heaven. She arrives at the pearly gates and is
greeted by Saint Peter. There are a few people waiting, so she strikes
up a conversation with him. Just then, she hears a blood curdling
scream!

"What was that?" she asks.

"Oh, don't worry about that," says Saint Peter, "It's just someone
getting a hole drilled in their head so they can be fitted for their
halo."

A few seconds later, she hears another agonized scream, this one even
more terrible than the one before.

"What was that?!" she asked anxiously.

"Oh ,don't worry," says Saint Peter soothingly, "It's just someone
getting holes drilled in their back so they can be fitted for their
wings."

The lady starts to back away.

"Where are you going?" asks Saint Peter.

"I think I'll go downstairs, if it's all the same to you," says the
lady.

"But you can't go there," says the saint, "You'll be raped and
sodomized!"

"It's OK," says the lady, "I've already got the holes for that."

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As wise men say, a joke a day keeps the doctor away. So step into the
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WORTH READING
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Things they do not teach you at college! Life's puzzle unfolded. Words
of wisdom that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your
chance to question the priorities of existence and also to get their
answers.

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18++ 21 April 2007

Walking Up the Stairs in a Church

There is a girl walking up the stairs in a church one day. As the priest
is walking by, he looks up and notices that this girl is not wearing any
panties.

The Priest calls the girl and gives her $20 and says, "Little girl, take
this money and buy yourself some panties. It's not proper to walk around
without any panties on."

The girl goes home and gives the money to her mother and asks her mother
to buy panties for her. When the mother asks where the girl got the
money, the girl explained what happened.

Upon hearing how the girl got the money, the mother rushes to her room,
whips off her panties, and puts on one of her shortest dresses and runs
out to the church.

As soon as the mother sees the priest coming, she begins to walk up the
stairs. The priest then notices the lady and calls her down.

The woman not wanting to show that she is expecting anything, walks back
to the priest very calmly.

The priest hands the lady $1 and says... "Lady, take this money and for
God's sake, go buy yourself a razor!"

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As wise men say, a joke a day keeps the doctor away. So step into the
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WORTH READING
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Things they do not teach you at college! Life's puzzle unfolded. Words
of wisdom that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your
chance to question the priorities of existence and also to get their
answers.

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18++ 11 April 2007

Listen To The Doctor
Three desperately ill men met with their doctor one day to discuss their
options. One was an alcoholic, one was a chain smoker, and one was a
homosexual. The doctor, addressing all three of them, said, "If any of
you indulge in your vices one more time, you will surely die." The men
left the doctor's office, each convinced that he would never again
indulge himself in his vice.

While walking toward the subway for their return trip to the suburbs,
they passed a bar. The alcoholic, hearing the loud music and seeing the
lights, could not stop himself. His buddies accompanied him into the
bar, where he had a shot of whiskey. No sooner had he replaced the shot
glass on the bar, he fell off his stool, stone cold dead. His
companions, somewhat shaken up, left the bar, realizing how seriously
they must take the doctor's words. As they walked along, they came upon
a cigarette butt lying on the ground, still smoking.

The homosexual looked at the chain smoker and said, "If you bend over to
pick that up, we're both dead."

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As wise men say, a joke a day keeps the doctor away. So step into the
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Wishing you a laugh riot.

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WORTH READING
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Things they do not teach you at college! Life's puzzle unfolded. Words
of wisdom that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your
chance to question the priorities of existence and also to get their
answers.

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18++ 9 April 2007

A woman desperately looking for work goes to the Tickle Me Elmo Factory.
The Personnel Manager goes over her resume and explains to her that he
regrets that he has no jobs worthy of her skills. The woman answers that
she really needs work and will take almost anything.

The Personnel Manager hems and haws and finally says he does have a low
skill job on the "Tickle Me Elmo" assembly line. The woman happily
accepts.

He takes her down to the line and explains her duties and that she
should be in at 8:00 AM the next day.

The next day at 8:45 there's a knock at the Personnel Manager's door.
The "Tickle Me Elmo" Assembly Line manager comes in and starts ranting
about the woman just hired.

After listening to his screaming for 15 minutes about how badly backed
up the assembly line is, the Personnel Manager suggested he show him the
problem.

Together they head down to the line and sure enough Elmos are backed up
from here to Kingdom Come. Right at the end of the line is the woman he
had hired. She has a roll of the material used for the Elmos and has a
big bag of marbles.

They both watch as she cuts a little piece of fabric and takes 2 marbles
and starts sewing them between Elmo's legs.

The Personnel Manager starts laughing hysterically and finally after
several minutes of rolling laughter he pulls himself together and walks
over to the new employee and says:

"I'm sorry I guess you misunderstood me yesterday. What I wanted you to
do was give Elmo two test tickles."