18++: December 2006

18++ 29 Dec 2006 [Happy New Year]

Hard-Of-Hearing Horse
A bunch of Indians capture a cowboy and bring him back to their camp to
meet the chief. The chief says to the cowboy, "You are going to die. But
we feel sorry for you, so we will give you one wish a day for three
days. On sundown of the third day, you die. What is your first wish?"

The cowboy says, "I want to see my horse."

The Indians get his horse. The cowboy grabs the horse's ear and whispers
something, then slaps the horse on the ass. The horse takes off. Two
hours later, the horse comes back with a naked blonde.

She jumps off the horse and goes into the teepee with the cowboy. The
Indians look at each other, figuring, "Typical white man - can only
think of one thing."

The second day, the chief says, "What is your wish today?"

The cowboy says, "I want to see my horse again."

The Indians bring him his horse. The cowboy leans over to the horse and
whispers something in the horse's ear, then slaps it on the ass. Two
hours later, the horse comes back with a naked redhead. She gets off and
goes in the teepee with the cowboy.

The Indians shake their heads, figuring, "Typical white man - going to
die and can only think of one thing."

The last day comes, and the chief says, "This is your last wish, white
man. What you want?"

The cowboy says, "I want to see my horse again." The Indians bring him
his horse. The cowboy grabs the horse by both ears, twists them hard and
yells, "Read my lips! POSSE, damn it! P-O-S-S-E!"

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18++ 27 Dec 2006

Camouflage Training

During camouflage training in Louisiana, a private disguised as a tree
trunk had made a sudden move that was spotted by a visiting general.
"You simpleton!" the officer barked. "Don't you know that by jumping and
yelling the way you did, you could have endangered the lives of the
entire company?"

"Yes sir," the solder answered apologetically. "But, if I may say so, I
did stand still when a flock of pigeons used me for target practice. And
I never moved a muscle when a large dog peed on my lower branches. But
when two squirrels ran up my pants leg and I heard the bigger say,
"Let's eat one now and save the other until winter' ---that did it!"