18++ 19 May 2006

One day, Pete complained to his friend, "My elbow really hurts. I guess
I should see a doctor." His friend said, "don't do that. There's a
computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker & cheaper
than a doctor. Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer
will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it and it
only costs $10.00."

Pete figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine
sample and went to the drug store.

Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10.00.
The computer started making some noise and the various lights started
flashing. After a brief pause, out popped a small slip of paper which
read:

You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water. Avoid heavy labor.
It will be better in two weeks.

That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how
it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this
computer could be fooled.

He decided to give it a try.

He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, and urine
samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into
the concoction.

He went back to the drug store, located the computer, poured in the
sample and deposited the $10.00. The machine again made the usual noises
and printed out the following analysis:

Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. Your dog has ringworm.
Bathe him with an anti-fungal shampoo. Your daughter is using cocaine.
Put her in a rehabilitation clinic. Your wife is pregnant with twin
girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer. And if you don't stop jerking
off, your tennis elbow will never get better.

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JOKE OF THE DAY
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As wise men say, a joke a day keeps the doctor away. So step into the
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WORTH READING
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of wisdom that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your
chance to question the priorities of existence and also to get their
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18++ 18 May 2006

Pierre, a brave French fighter pilot, takes his girlfriend, Marie, out
for a pleasant little picnic by the River Seine. It's a beautiful day
and love is in the air.

Marie leans over to Pierre and says: 'Pierre, kiss me!' Our hero grabs a
bottle of Merlot and splashes it on Marie's lips. 'What are you doing,
Pierre?', says the startled Marie. 'I am Pierre the fighter pilot! When
I have red meat, I like to have red wine!

She smiles and they start kissing. When things began to heat up a
little, Marie says, 'Pierre, kiss me lower.' Our hero tears her blouse
open, grabs a bottle of Chardonnay and starts pouring it all over her
breasts. 'Pierre! What are you doing?', asks the bewildered Marie.

'I am Pierre the fighter pilot! When I have white meat, I like to have
white wine!'

They resume their passionate interlude and things really steam up. Marie
leans close to his ear and whispers, 'Pierre, kiss me lower!' Our hero
rips off her underwear, grabs a bottle of Cognac and pours it in her
lap. He then strikes a match and lights it on fire.

Marie shrieks and dives into the river. Standing waist deep in the
river, Marie throws her arms upwards and screams furiously, 'PIERRE,
WHAT IN THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING? 'Our hero stands up,
defiantly, and says,

'I am Pierre the fighter pilot! When I go down, I go down in flames!'

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JOKE OF THE DAY
----------------
As wise men say, a joke a day keeps the doctor away. So step into the
health zone by sharing a hearty laugh. A variety of jokes that are
ludicrous and trivial, witty and wacky, spontaneous and sportive.
Wishing you a laugh riot.

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WORTH READING
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of wisdom that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your
chance to question the priorities of existence and also to get their
answers.

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18++ 17 May 2006

There was an inventor named Green . . . Who invented a sex machine!
Concave and convex, To suit either sex, And remarkably easy to clean.

There once was a bandit named Blair . . . Who laid an old maid on the
stair. The bannister broke . . . so he doubled his stroke . . . And
finished her off in mid-air.

There once was a dame from Cape Cod . . . Who thought all good things
came from God. But it were'nt the allmighty . . . Who lifted her nighty
. . . T'was Roger the lodger, by God.

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JOKE OF THE DAY
----------------
As wise men say, a joke a day keeps the doctor away. So step into the
health zone by sharing a hearty laugh. A variety of jokes that are
ludicrous and trivial, witty and wacky, spontaneous and sportive.
Wishing you a laugh riot.

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WORTH READING
-------------
Things they do not teach you at college! Life's puzzle unfolded. Words
of wisdom that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your
chance to question the priorities of existence and also to get their
answers.

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18++ 16 May 2006

A passenger jet looses all of its engines and the passengers know they
are going to crash. There are three women sitting next to each other in
one of the rows.

The Italian woman opens her purse and begins pinning money all over her
clothing. The other women ask why and she says that when the rescuers
begin searching the crash site they will see the money and rescue her
first.

The Jewish woman begins putting on all of her jewelry, saying that the
rescuers will see the gems and rescue her first.

The black woman begins taking off all of her clothing. The two other
women ask why she is undressing. She says with with a smile and a wink,
"Everybody knows the first thing they always look for is the black box."

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But they never miss to touch your heart. Your daily supply of chosen
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from great leaders.

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JOKE OF THE DAY
----------------
As wise men say, a joke a day keeps the doctor away. So step into the
health zone by sharing a hearty laugh. A variety of jokes that are
ludicrous and trivial, witty and wacky, spontaneous and sportive.
Wishing you a laugh riot.

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WORTH READING
-------------
Things they do not teach you at college! Life's puzzle unfolded. Words
of wisdom that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your
chance to question the priorities of existence and also to get their
answers.

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18++ 15 May 2006

There's this man with a baldhead and wooden leg who gets invited to a
fancy costume party. He doesn't know what costume to wear to hide his
head and his leg...so he writes to a fancy dress company to explain the
problem. A few days later he received a parcel with a note,

"Dear Sir, please find enclosed a pirates outfit. The spotted
handkerchief will cover your bald head and with your wooden leg you will
be just right as a pirate."

The man thinks this is a terrible idea because they have just emphasized
his wooden leg and so he writes a really rude letter of complain. A week
passes and he received another parcel and a note, which says,

"Dear Sir, sorry about before, please find enclosed a monk's habit. The
long robe will cover your wooden leg and with your bald head you will
really look the part."

Now the man is really annoyed since they have gone from emphasizing his
wooden leg to emphasizing his baldhead and he so writes the company a
REALLY rude letter of complaint. The next day he received a small parcel
and a note, which reads,

"Dear Sir, since we have not been able to make you happy, this is our
last suggestion. Please find enclosed a bottle of molasses. Pour the
molasses over your baldhead, stick your wooden leg up your ass and go as
a caramel apple".

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They inspire, they motivate and at times they tickle your funny bone.
But they never miss to touch your heart. Your daily supply of chosen
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from great leaders.

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JOKE OF THE DAY
----------------
As wise men say, a joke a day keeps the doctor away. So step into the
health zone by sharing a hearty laugh. A variety of jokes that are
ludicrous and trivial, witty and wacky, spontaneous and sportive.
Wishing you a laugh riot.

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WORTH READING
-------------
Things they do not teach you at college! Life's puzzle unfolded. Words
of wisdom that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your
chance to question the priorities of existence and also to get their
answers.

Join the Worth Reading mailing list @
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18++ 8 May 2006

Do you Know What I'm Doing Now

This chick walks into a doctor's office and the nurse tells her to take
off her clothes and that the doctor will be with her in a minute, so she
does.

The doctor walks in and take off his coat and starts to feel between her
thighs. He asks "do you know what I'm doing now"
and she replies "you're checking for menopause" and he says "very good".

Then he starts feeling her tits and he asks her "do you know what I'm
doing now" and she says "checking for breast cancer" and he says "very
good".

Then he jumps on her and starts rooting her and asks if she knows what
he's doing now and she replies "contracting genital herpes cause that's
why I came to see you"

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QUOTATION OF THE DAY
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They inspire, they motivate and at times they tickle your funny bone.
But they never miss to touch your heart. Your daily supply of chosen
gems from the world of literature, ancient proverbs, poetry and sayings
from great leaders.

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JOKE OF THE DAY
----------------
As wise men say, a joke a day keeps the doctor away. So step into the
health zone by sharing a hearty laugh. A variety of jokes that are
ludicrous and trivial, witty and wacky, spontaneous and sportive.
Wishing you a laugh riot.

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WORTH READING
-------------
Things they do not teach you at college! Life's puzzle unfolded. Words
of wisdom that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your
chance to question the priorities of existence and also to get their
answers.

Join the Worth Reading mailing list @
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Or simply go Blogging @
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18++ 5 May 2006

It was summertime and to keep his son out of trouble, Mr. Johnson
decided to give him 5 dollars and send him on a wild goose chase. "Take
this" he said "and buy me as much what's what as you can".

Nodding obediently, the young man set off. Since he had no idea what he
was looking for, he figured it might be a food and stopped at the
grocery store.

"Excuse me", he said to the clerk, "but I would like to buy what's
what".

Sensing that the boy was a real rube, the clerk decided to have some fun
with him. Pointing across the street to a house with a red light, he
said "Son, you will find what you are looking for over there".

Thanking him the boy rushed over and rang the bell. Much to his surprise
a voluptuous woman opened the door and she was totally naked! And as he
had never seen a woman's private parts before he stammered, "GE-EE.
What's th-that?"

"What's What?" she asked.

The boy snapped back to reality.

"Great!" he said. "Give me five dollars worth."

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QUOTATION OF THE DAY
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They inspire, they motivate and at times they tickle your funny bone.
But they never miss to touch your heart. Your daily supply of chosen
gems from the world of literature, ancient proverbs, poetry and sayings
from great leaders.

Join the Quote A Day mailing list @
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JOKE OF THE DAY
----------------
As wise men say, a joke a day keeps the doctor away. So step into the
health zone by sharing a hearty laugh. A variety of jokes that are
ludicrous and trivial, witty and wacky, spontaneous and sportive.
Wishing you a laugh riot.

Join the Joke of the Day mailing list @
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Or simply go Blogging @
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WORTH READING
-------------
Things they do not teach you at college! Life's puzzle unfolded. Words
of wisdom that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your
chance to question the priorities of existence and also to get their
answers.

Join the Worth Reading mailing list @
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18++ 4 May 2006

TOP TEN LIST- THE LAST THINGS A WOMAN WOULD EVER SAY

10. Could our relationship be more physical? I'm tired of being just
friends. 9. Go ahead and leave the seat up. It's easier for me to douche
that way. 8. Hey, get a whiff of that one! 7. Please don't throw that
old T-shirt away. The holes in the armpits are too cute. 6. This diamond
is just way too big. 5. Does this make my ass look too small. 4. I'm
wrong, you must be right again. 3. Wow! It really is 14 inches! 2. I
think hairy balls are so sexy. 1. I won't even put my lips on that thing
unless I get to swallow.

TOP TEN LIST- THE LAST THINGS A MAN WOULD EVER SAY

10. I think that Michael Bolton is one cool mother. 9. While I'm up, can
I get you anything? 8. I'm absolutely wrong, you must be right. 7. I
think we're lost, we better pull over and ask for directions. 6.
Sometimes I just want to be held. 5. That chick on 'Murder, She Wrote'
sure gives me a woody. 4. We haven't been to the mall in ages. Let's go
shopping so I can hold your purse. 3. Screw Monday Night Football! Let's
watch 'Ally McBeal'. 2. Sure, I'd love to wear a condom. 1. I think her
breasts are just way too big.

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They inspire, they motivate and at times they tickle your funny bone.
But they never miss to touch your heart. Your daily supply of chosen
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from great leaders.

Join the Quote A Day mailing list @
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JOKE OF THE DAY
----------------
As wise men say, a joke a day keeps the doctor away. So step into the
health zone by sharing a hearty laugh. A variety of jokes that are
ludicrous and trivial, witty and wacky, spontaneous and sportive.
Wishing you a laugh riot.

Join the Joke of the Day mailing list @
http://groups-beta.google.com/group/JokeOfTheDay
Or simply go Blogging @
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WORTH READING
-------------
Things they do not teach you at college! Life's puzzle unfolded. Words
of wisdom that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your
chance to question the priorities of existence and also to get their
answers.

Join the Worth Reading mailing list @
http://groups-beta.google.com/group/WorthReading
Or simply go Blogging @
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18++ 2 May 2006

Jim and Johnny die in a boating accident. Jim goes to heaven and Johnny
goes to hell. One day Jim looks down at Johnny in hell. Johnny has a
beer in his hand and a blonde on his lap. Jim gets pissed off, so he
goes to God and says, "What is this? I think I want to go to hell. Just
look at my friend down there."

God says, "Look closer. The beer has a hole in the bottom, and the
blonde doesn't."

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QUOTATION OF THE DAY
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They inspire, they motivate and at times they tickle your funny bone.
But they never miss to touch your heart. Your daily supply of chosen
gems from the world of literature, ancient proverbs, poetry and sayings
from great leaders.

Join the Quote A Day mailing list @
http://groups-beta.google.com/group/QuotationOfTheDay
Or simply Blog it @
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JOKE OF THE DAY
----------------
As wise men say, a joke a day keeps the doctor away. So step into the
health zone by sharing a hearty laugh. A variety of jokes that are
ludicrous and trivial, witty and wacky, spontaneous and sportive.
Wishing you a laugh riot.

Join the Joke of the Day mailing list @
http://groups-beta.google.com/group/JokeOfTheDay
Or simply go Blogging @
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WORTH READING
-------------
Things they do not teach you at college! Life's puzzle unfolded. Words
of wisdom that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your
chance to question the priorities of existence and also to get their
answers.

Join the Worth Reading mailing list @
http://groups-beta.google.com/group/WorthReading
Or simply go Blogging @
http://readingtimefolks.blogspot.com/

********************** Legal Disclaimer ****************************
"This email may contain confidential and privileged material for the sole use of the intended recipient. Any unauthorized review, use or distribution by others is strictly prohibited. If you have received the message in error, please advise the sender by reply email and delete the message. Thank you."
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