Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Spam: 18++ 1 Mar 2006


A recent medical survey found that the average penis is six inches
long,while the average vagina is eight inches deep. That means that
there are over 150,000 miles of unused pussy in the world!!!
What a WASTE!

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Spam: 18++ 28 Feb 2006

NAME: Expecteria Trouserius (Trouser Snake)

LOCATION: Throughout the world

DESCRIPTION: Varying from pink to black. Fang-less with a highly
venomous
spit. Size varies from 3 to 12 inches, depending on its
mood
and sub-species.

SYMPTOMS: This snake attacks mainly women in the lower front abdomen,
resulting in an inconspicuous bump. Then a severe swelling
followed by excruciating pain after nine months. The attack
is
not usually fatal. It has been known to attack men in the
rear
lower abdomen, resulting in an incurable disease and
consequent
death.

HABITAT: Usually found in bedrooms, but has been known to appear in
unusual places.

ANTIDOTE: Various types of vaccine available for women. However, once
the
venom is injected into the body only drastic measures will
ensure complete recovery. There is no known antidote for men.

WHAT TO DO WHEN ATTACKED

TOURNIQUET: Do not apply a tourniquet as the venom is too deep in the
body to be affected.

CUTTING THE WOUND: This would be completely unnecessary and ineffective
as the bleeding will stop after a few weeks anyhow.

SUCKING THE WOUND: This method is the most popular with the victim but
so
far has not been reported to have led to any
success.

MILKING THE SNAKE:

1. Place four fingers of the right hand around the neck of the reptile,
with the thumb in the front.
2. Grip firmly and move the hand in an upwards and downwards motion.
3. This will result in the snake becoming highly aggressive and start
spitting.
4. The time taken for this milking process depends entirely on the skill
of the milker and the last time the snake attacked.
5. Once milked the snake should be harmless for about 20 minutes.

CONCLUSION: This snake, although it is very aggressive and active, is
not
necessarily a vermin and treated with the right respect
will
make a wonderful pet.

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Monday, February 27, 2006

18++ 27 Feb 2006

THINGS THAT SOUND DIRTY AT THANKSGIVING, BUT AREN'T...

"Whew, that's one terrific spread!"
"I'm in the mood for a little dark meat."
"Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist."
"Talk about a huge breast!"
"It's Cool Whip time!"
"If I don't undo my pants, I'll burst!"
"Are you ready for seconds yet?"
"Are you going to come again next time?"
"It's a little dry, do you still want to eat it?"
"Just wait your turn, you'll get some!"
"Don't play with your meat."
"Just spread the legs open & stuff it in."
"Do you think you'll be able to handle all these people at once?"
"I didn't expect everyone to come at once!"
"You still have a little bit on your chin."
"Use a nice smooth stroke when you whip it."
"How long will it take after you stick it in?"
"You'll know it's ready when it pops up."
"Wow, I didn't think I could handle all of that!"
"How many are coming?"
"That's the biggest one I've ever seen!"
"Just lay back & take it easy...I'll do the rest."
"How long do I beat it before it's ready?"

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As wise men say, a joke a day keeps the doctor away. So step into the
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WORTH READING
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of wisdom that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your
chance to question the priorities of existence and also to get their
answers.

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Friday, February 24, 2006

18++ 24 Feb 2006

One day, a man found an old lamp and started to rub the dust off of it
when a genie appeared. The genie said "For setting me free, I will
grant
you two wishes". The man thought for a while and replied without
hesitation, "I want to be hard all of the time and I would like to have
all the ass I want." *POOF!* a cloud of smoke appeared and the man
turned
into a toilette.

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WORTH READING
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Thursday, February 23, 2006

18++ 23 Feb 2006

The pentagon recently found it had too many generals
and offered an early retirement bonus. They promised
any general who retired straight away, his full annual
benefits PLUS $10,000.00 for every inch measured in a
straight line along the retiring general's body between
two points he chose.
(Something Congress came up with, I'm sure!)

The first general accepted. He asked the pension man
to measure from the top of his head to the tip of his toes.
6 feet. He walked out with a check of $720,000.00.

The second general asked them to measure from the tip
of his outstretched hands to his toes. 8 feet. He walked
out with a check for $960,000.00.

Meantime, the first general had tipped off the third. When
he was asked where to measure, he told the pension man,
"From the tip of my penis to the tip of my balls."

The pension man said that would be fine but he'd better
get the Medical Officer to do the measuring.

The Medical Officer attended and asked the general to
drop 'em... he did.... The Medical Officer placed the tape
on the tip of the general's penis and began to work back.
"My God!" he said, 'where are your balls?"

The general replied, "in Vietnam."

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Wednesday, February 22, 2006

18++ 22 Feb 2006

The preacher, in his Sunday sermon, used "Forgive Your Enemies" as his
subject. After a long sermon, he asked how many were willing to
forgive their enemies. About half held up their hands.

Not satisfied he harangued for another twenty minutes and repeated his
question. This time he received a response of about 80 percent.

Still unsatisfied, he lectured for another 15 minutes and repeated his
question. With all thoughts now on Sunday dinner, all responded except
one elderly lady in the rear.

"Mrs. Jones, why are you not willing to forgive your enemies?"

"I don't have any."

"Mrs. Jones, that is very unusual. How old are you?"

"Ninety-three."

"Mrs. Jones, please come down in front and tell the congregation how a
person can live to be ninety-three, and not have an enemy in the world."

The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle, very slowly
turned around and said:

"It's easy, I just outlived the bitches."

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JOKE OF THE DAY
----------------
As wise men say, a joke a day keeps the doctor away. So step into the
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WORTH READING
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Things they do not teach you at college! Life's puzzle unfolded. Words
of wisdom that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your
chance to question the priorities of existence and also to get their
answers.

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Tuesday, February 21, 2006

18++ 21 Feb 2006

Why is a man so intelligent while making love?

Because he is plugged in to a genius!

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JOKE OF THE DAY
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As wise men say, a joke a day keeps the doctor away. So step into the
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WORTH READING
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Things they do not teach you at college! Life's puzzle unfolded. Words
of wisdom that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your
chance to question the priorities of existence and also to get their
answers.

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Monday, February 20, 2006

18++ 20 Feb 2006

The lovely princess meets a frog near the royal pond.
"Are you a frog that has to be kissed to become a handsome prince
again?",
she asks him.
"That's my brother", replies the frog, "me you have to give a blow job."

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JOKE OF THE DAY
----------------
As wise men say, a joke a day keeps the doctor away. So step into the
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Wishing you a laugh riot.

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WORTH READING
-------------
Things they do not teach you at college! Life's puzzle unfolded. Words
of wisdom that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your
chance to question the priorities of existence and also to get their
answers.

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Thursday, February 16, 2006

18++ 17 Feb 2006

This guy had a beautiful woman for a girl friend, but he was too ashamed
to make love to her because of his small dick. So one day while they
were
at the drive-in movies, he decides that now was a good time to because
she wouldn't be able to see his dick size. So, halfway through the
movie, he unzips his pants, and pulls out his dick and sticks it in her
hand. She than replied, "No thank you, I don't smoke"!

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JOKE OF THE DAY
----------------
As wise men say, a joke a day keeps the doctor away. So step into the
health zone by sharing a hearty laugh. A variety of jokes that are
ludicrous and trivial, witty and wacky, spontaneous and sportive.
Wishing you a laugh riot.

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WORTH READING
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Things they do not teach you at college! Life's puzzle unfolded. Words
of wisdom that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your
chance to question the priorities of existence and also to get their
answers.

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Wednesday, February 15, 2006

18++ 15 Feb 2006

Henry Ford dies and goes to heaven. At the gates, the guy tells Ford,
'Well, you've been such a good guy and your invention the car changed
the world. As a reward, you can hang out with anyone you want in
heaven.'

So Henry Ford thinks about it and says: 'I want to hang out with Adam,
the first man.' -- So the guy at the gates points Adam out to Ford.

When Ford gets to Adam, Ford asks 'Hey aren't you the inventor of
woman?'

Adam says: 'Yes.'

'Well,' says Ford, 'You have some major design flaws in your invention :

1) There is too much front end protrusion

2) It chatters at high speeds

3) The rear end wobbles too much

4) and the intake is too close to the exhaust.'

'Hmmmmm..' says Adam, 'hold on'. So Adam goes to the celestial computer,
types in a few keystrokes, and waits for the results. The computer
prints out a slip of paper and Adam reads it. He then says to Ford, 'It
may be that my invention is flawed, but according to the stellar
computer, more men are riding my invention than yours.'

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JOKE OF THE DAY
----------------
As wise men say, a joke a day keeps the doctor away. So step into the
health zone by sharing a hearty laugh. A variety of jokes that are
ludicrous and trivial, witty and wacky, spontaneous and sportive.
Wishing you a laugh riot.

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WORTH READING
-------------
Things they do not teach you at college! Life's puzzle unfolded. Words
of wisdom that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your
chance to question the priorities of existence and also to get their
answers.

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Tuesday, February 14, 2006

18++ 14 Feb 2006

A couple have been dating for quite some time. He wants her in the
worst way, but she won't sleep with him because she's saving herself for
marriage. As they are kissing, and doing their thing, he is all hot and
bothered; and says, "Oh come on, just a feel." She replies, "No, I'm
saving myself for marriage." They go back and forth. He says, "Just one
feel, I promise, that's all, just one feel." She finally agrees,
"Okay,
just one feel, but that's all, just one, I'm saving myself for
marriage."
So he puts his hand down her panties and takes a little feel. Things
are
getting a lot warmer and he asks, "Can't we PLEASE?" She of course
states,
"NO, I'm saving myself for marriage." He begs, "Please, please?" and she
answers, "No, no, absolutely not, I'm saving myself for marriage." He
suggests, "How about if I agree to only just put the tip in?" She says,
"No way, I'm saving myself for marriage." He begs and pleads with
her,
"I promise, just the tip, no more, and we'll stop after that." She
finally
gives in, "Okay, but just the tip, no more, and that's all." He agrees,
pulls down her panties and puts the tip in... the sensation makes him
lose
control; he shoves it all the way in and starts pumping like crazy...
she
meanwhile is moaning and groaning and shouts, "OKAY, GO AHEAD, PUT IT
ALL
WAY IN!" A little stunned, he says, "NO, absolutely not. A deal's a
deal!"

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They inspire, they motivate and at times they tickle your funny bone.
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JOKE OF THE DAY
----------------
As wise men say, a joke a day keeps the doctor away. So step into the
health zone by sharing a hearty laugh. A variety of jokes that are
ludicrous and trivial, witty and wacky, spontaneous and sportive.
Wishing you a laugh riot.

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WORTH READING
-------------
Things they do not teach you at college! Life's puzzle unfolded. Words
of wisdom that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your
chance to question the priorities of existence and also to get their
answers.

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Sunday, February 12, 2006

18++ 13 Feb 2006

A woman runs into a police station and says "Officer, I've just been
graped!"
The cop replies "Surely you mean raped?"
"No", she says, "there was a whole bunch of them!"

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QUOTATION OF THE DAY
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They inspire, they motivate and at times they tickle your funny bone.
But they never miss to touch your heart. Your daily supply of chosen
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from great leaders.

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JOKE OF THE DAY
----------------
As wise men say, a joke a day keeps the doctor away. So step into the
health zone by sharing a hearty laugh. A variety of jokes that are
ludicrous and trivial, witty and wacky, spontaneous and sportive.
Wishing you a laugh riot.

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WORTH READING
-------------
Things they do not teach you at college! Life's puzzle unfolded. Words
of wisdom that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your
chance to question the priorities of existence and also to get their
answers.

Join the Worth Reading mailing list @
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Or simply go Blogging @
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Thursday, February 02, 2006

18++ 3 Feb 2006

This gadgie comes out of solitary confinement in prison after 25 years
and heads straight for the nearest brothel. Having only 5.00 to his
name, he was expecting to be thrown out when he told the Madame of his
lack of finances. To his surprise she is very understanding and
explains that she has just the woman he needs, however, under no
circumstances must he talk to her. Fred, now ecstatic
at the prospect of getting his leg over after such a long time asks
where her room is.The Madame, takes the fiver from Fred's hand and
replaces it with a condom and directs him to a room in the loft.
Fred rushes upstairs to do the business, mindfull that he must not
speak to the girl.
After 3.7 minutes Fred comes running downstairs looking like the cat
who got the cream. The Madame asks if everything was to his
satisfaction. "Oh yes" beamed Fred, "but I just have one
question - why was the condom black?" The Madame replied "Have you NO
respect for the dead?"

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QUOTATION OF THE DAY
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They inspire, they motivate and at times they tickle your funny bone.
But they never miss to touch your heart. Your daily supply of chosen
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from great leaders.

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JOKE OF THE DAY
----------------
As wise men say, a joke a day keeps the doctor away. So step into the
health zone by sharing a hearty laugh. A variety of jokes that are
ludicrous and trivial, witty and wacky, spontaneous and sportive.
Wishing you a laugh riot.

Join the Joke of the Day mailing list @
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WORTH READING
-------------
Things they do not teach you at college! Life's puzzle unfolded. Words
of wisdom that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your
chance to question the priorities of existence and also to get their
answers.

Join the Worth Reading mailing list @
http://groups-beta.google.com/group/WorthReading
Or simply go Blogging @
http://readingtimefolks.blogspot.com/

********************** Legal Disclaimer ****************************
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18++ 2 Feb 2006

This guy was deer hunting in North Carolina. He shoots a deer, and as
he is dragging it back to his truck, he gets stopped by this redneck
Game Warden who asks to see his hunting license. The hunter shows him
the license, and is about to leave when the Game Warden says "Not so
fast, Boy. I need to inspect the deer."

The Game Warden then reaches down, sticks his finger up the deer's
butt, pulls it out then sniffs his finger. The Game Warden gets angry
then says "Wait a minute Boy! This here ain't no North Carolina deer;
this here is a Virginia deer! You need to have a Virginia Hunting
License to hunt this deer. You got a Virginia Hunting License on you
Boy?"

Well, it just so happens that the guy had been hunting in Virginia the
week before. He goes back into his wallet hand pulls out a Virginia
Hunting License. The Game Warden looks at the valid license and
disappointingly says, "Well.... OK, I guess I'll have to let you go.
I really do enjoy writing up Boys like you who hunt deer without a
license, but you look like you got everything in order. So go on; get
out of here."

The following week, the guy is hunting again. He shoots another deer
and as he is dragging it back to his truck, he gets stopped by the
same Game Warden who says "Just a minute Boy. I need to inspect the
deer." He reaches down, sticks his finger up the deer's butt, pulls
it out, sniffs his finger and says "Boy! This here is a South Carolina
deer! You got a South Carolina Hunting License?" The Hunter, somewhat
surprised, said that he had one in the truck. He goes and gets it out
of the glove box, shows it to the Game Warden, who again has to let him
go.

So this goes on for the next three weeks. Each week the hunter shoots
a deer; one from Georgia, Tennessee, and West Virginia. Each time the
Game Warden stops to do the Finger Test, and each time the hunter is
able to produce the correct license.

Finally, after the West Virginia deer, the Game Warden is furious:
"Boy! You got a hunting license from every state in the
south! Where the hell are you from, anyway?"

The hunter drops his pants, bends over and says "You Tell Me!"

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QUOTATION OF THE DAY
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They inspire, they motivate and at times they tickle your funny bone.
But they never miss to touch your heart. Your daily supply of chosen
gems from the world of literature, ancient proverbs, poetry and sayings
from great leaders.

Join the Quote A Day mailing list @
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Or simply Blog it @
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JOKE OF THE DAY
----------------
As wise men say, a joke a day keeps the doctor away. So step into the
health zone by sharing a hearty laugh. A variety of jokes that are
ludicrous and trivial, witty and wacky, spontaneous and sportive.
Wishing you a laugh riot.

Join the Joke of the Day mailing list @
http://groups-beta.google.com/group/JokeOfTheDay
Or simply go Blogging @
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WORTH READING
-------------
Things they do not teach you at college! Life's puzzle unfolded. Words
of wisdom that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your
chance to question the priorities of existence and also to get their
answers.

Join the Worth Reading mailing list @
http://groups-beta.google.com/group/WorthReading
Or simply go Blogging @
http://readingtimefolks.blogspot.com/

********************** Legal Disclaimer ****************************
"This email may contain confidential and privileged material for the sole use of the intended recipient. Any unauthorized review, use or distribution by others is strictly prohibited. If you have received the message in error, please advise the sender by reply email and delete the message. Thank you."
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