18++ 30 Sep 2008

Yukon Jack

Legend has it that the only men who were more rough and tough than the cattlemen of Texas were the gold prospectors of the Canadian Yukon Territory. Back during the gold rush, a Texan made his way to the Yukon to make his fortune...

Arriving in the Yukon Territory, the Texan went to a local bar for a drink. As he approached the bar, a local prospector approached him. "I hear you're from Texas. Well here in the Yukon, you have to prove how tough you are before we'll accept you as one of us! You have to perform three tasks to prove that you have what it takes to make it up here."

The Texan replied, "Ok. What do I need to do?"

"First, you have to drink a whole gallon of Yukon Jack without coming up for air."

Nodding, the Texan said, "Ok, what next?'

"Next, you have to kill a polar bear with your bare hands!"

After a moment, the Texan said, "Alright, what's the third task?"

"Because they are so scarce, you have to find and make love to an Eskimo woman!"

Without a word the Texan walked over to the bar, picked up a gallon jug of Yukon Jack, and polished off the whole thing without coming up for air! Then he went staggering out into the Yukon night.

Several days went by without any word of the Texan...

Eventually people gave up on ever hearing from him again.

Finally, after two weeks had passed, the Texan came crawling into the bar, covered in scars, bleeding from more than a dozen gashes, and wheezing like a steam engine on its last legs.

Pulling himself into a chair, he turned to the barkeep and asked, "Ok, now where is that Eskimo woman you want me to kill?"

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18++ 22 Sep 2008

Into the Woods

Sally the blonde was seen entering the woods with a small package and a large bird cage.

She was gone several days but finally she returned. Her friend, Liz, never saw Sally looking' so sad.

Liz asked, "Heard you went off in the woods for a couple of days. Glad you got back okay...but you look so sad. Why?"

Sally answered, "Because I just can't get a man."

"Well, you sure won't find one in the middle of the woods," noted Liz.

"Don't be so silly. I know that. But I went in the woods cause I needed something there that would get me a man. But I couldn't find it," explained Sally.

"I don't understand what you're talking about," noted Liz.

"Well," explained Sally, "I went there to catch a couple of owls. I took some dead mice and a bird cage."

"How's finding a couple of owls going to help you get a man?" asked Liz.

"Well," continued Sally, "I heard the best way to get a man is to have a good pair of hooters." 

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18++ 19 Sep 2008

The Seduction

A guy met this sexy girl in a bar and asked, "May I buy you a drink?"

"Okay," she said, "but it won't do you any good."

A little later, he asked, "May I buy you another drink?"

"Okay," she said again, "but it won't do you any good."

The he invited her to his apartment to watch a movie. She replied, "Okay, but you know it won't do you any good."

When they arrived at the apartment, he said, "You are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. I want you for my wife."

"Oh, well that's different..." she replied. "Send her in!"

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18++ 16 Sep 2008

A Timeless Truism

The teenaged boy was asked by his grandfather:

"What is the first thing you notice about a girl?"

The teen gave it a bit of thought and replied:

"It depends on which direction she's facing."

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18++ 2 Sep 2008

The Bird and the Bees

A boy was assigned a paper on childbirth and asked his parents, "How was I born?"

"Well honey.." said the slightly prudish parent, "the stork brought you to us."

"Oh," said the boy. "Well, how did you and daddy get born?" he asked.

"Oh, the stork brought us too."

"Well how were grandpa and grandma born?" he persisted.

"Well darling, the stork brought them too!" said the parent, by now starting to squirm a little in the Lazy Boy recliner.

Several days later, the boy handed in his paper to the teacher who read with confusion the opening sentence:

"This report has been very difficult to write, due to the fact that there hasn't been a natural childbirth in my family for three generations."

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question the priorities of existence and also to get their answers.

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