18++ 1 Dec 2005

A young couple are on their way to Las Vegas to get married.

Before getting there, the girl said to the guy that she had a confession
to make. The reason that they had not been intimate was because she was
very flat-chested. If he wished to cancel the wedding, it would be okay
with her.

The guy thought about it for a while and said he did not mind if she was
flat, and sex is not the most important thing in a marriage.

Several miles down the road, the guy turned to the girl and said that he
also wanted to make a confession. He said that below his waist he was
just like a baby, and if the girl wished to cancel tile wedding, it'd be
fine by him.

The girl thought about it for a while and said that she did not mind and
she also believed there were other things far more important in a
marriage than sex. Both were happy that they'd been honest with each
other.

They went on to Vegas and got married. On the wedding night the girl
took off her clothes and she was as flat as a washboard. Finally, the
guy took off his clothes and one look at the guy's naked body made the
girl faint and fall to the floor.

After she came to, the guy asked, 'I told you before we got married, why
did you still faint?'

The girl said, 'You told me it was just like a baby.'

The guy replied, 'Yes, eight pounds and 21 inches.'

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18++ 28 Nov 2005

The year is 2222 and Mike and Maureen land on Mars after finally
accumulating enough air points. They meet a Martian couple and are
talking about all sorts of things.

Mike asks if Mars has a stock market, if they have laptop computers, and
all things about how they make money.

Finally Maureen brought up the subject of sex. 'Just how do you guys do
it?' asks Maureen.

'Pretty much the way you do,' responds the Martian woman.

Discussion ensues and finally the couples decide to swap partners for
the night and experience one another.

Maureen and the male Martian go off to a bedroom, where the Martian
strips. He's got a teeny, weeny member about 2 cm long and 1 cm thick.

`I don't think this is going to work,' says Maureen.

'Why?' he asks, 'What's the matter?'

'Well.' she replies. 'it's just not long enough to reach me!'

'No problem,' he says, and proceeds to slap his forehead with his palm.
With each slap of his forehead, his member grows until it's quite
impressively long.

'Well,' she says, 'that's quite impressive, but it's still pretty
narrow.'

'No problem,' he says and starts pulling his ears. With each pull his
member grows wider and wider until the entire measurement is extremely
exciting to the woman.

'Wow!' she exclaims, and they fell into bed and make mad, passionate
love.

The next day the couples rejoin their normal partners and go their
separate ways.

As they walk along, Mike asks Maureen, 'Well, was it any good?'

'I hate to say it,' says Maureen, 'but it was pretty wonderful. How
about you?'

'It was horrible,' he replies. 'All I got was a headache. All she kept
doing the whole time was slapping my forehead and pulling my ears.'

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18++ 25 Nov 2005

At the retreat, Jill and John were told to
individually write a sentence using the words 'sex'
and 'love.'

Jill wrote: 'When two mature people are passionately
and deeply in love with one another to a high degree
and that they respect each other very much, just like
John and I, it is spiritually and morally acceptable
for them to engage in the act of physical sex with one
another.'

And John wrote: 'I love sex.'

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18++ 24 Nov 2005

Goldie, a recent widow, was sitting on a Florida beach near Miami. She
was attempting to strike up a conversation with an elderly gentleman who
was
one blanket down from her, reading a book.

"Hello sir," she interrupted, "How are you today?" "Fine, thank you,"
he
responded, and turned back to reading his book.

"I love the beach. Do you come here often??"

"First time since my wife passed away last year," he replied. "Do you
live
around here," she asked? "Yes," he answered, returning to his book.

Goldie persisted. "Do you like pussycats"? With that, the man threw
his
book down, jumped up off his blanket, hauled her into some nearby
bushes,
ripped off both their swimsuits and gave her the ride of her life.

As the cloud of dust began to settle, Goldie asked the man, "How did
you
know that was what I wanted?"

He replied, "How did you know my name was Katz ?

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WORTH READING
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chance to question the priorities of existence and also to get their
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18++ 23 Nov 2005

Jane was a first time contestant on a $65,000 quiz show. Lady Luck had
smiled in her favor, as Jane had gained a substantial lead over her
opponents. She even managed to win the game but, unfortunately, time had
run out before the show's host could ask her the big question.

Jane agreed to return the following day. She was nervous as her husband
drove them home.

'I've just gotta win tomorrow. I wish I knew what the answers were. You
know I'm not going to sleep at all tonight. I will probably look like
garbage tomorrow.'

'Relax honey,' her husband, Roger, reassured her. 'It will all be OK.'

Ten minutes after they arrived home, Roger grabbed the car keys and
started heading out the door.

'Where are you going?' Jane asked.

'I have a little errand to run. I should be back soon.'

After an agonizing three hour absence, Roger returned, sporting a very
wide and wicked grin.

'Honey, I managed to get tomorrow's question and answer.'

'What is it?' she cried excitedly.

'OK, the question is, "What are the three main parts of the male
anatomy?"

And the answer is, "The head, the heart and the penis."'

The couple went to sleep with Jane now feeling at ease, plummeting into
a deep slumber. At 3.30 am, however, Jane was shaken awake by Roger, who
was asking her the quiz show question.

'The head, the heart, the penis,' Jane replied groggily before returning
to sleep.

Roger asked her again in the morning as Jane was brushing her teeth.
Once again she replied correctly.

So it was that Jane was once again on the set of the quiz show. Even
though she knew the question and answer, she could feel butterflies.

The cameras began running and the host, after reminding the audience of
the previous day's events, faced Jane and asked the big question.

'Jane, for $65,000, what are the main parts of the male anatomy? You
have ten seconds.'

'Hmmm, uhm, the head? She said nervously.

'Very good. Six seconds.'

'Eh, uh, the heart?

'Very good. Four seconds.'

'I, uhh, ooooooooohh, darn! My husband drilled it into me last night and
I had it on the tip of my tongue this morning... '

'That's close enough,' said the game show host, 'Congratulations!'

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WORTH READING
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of wisdom that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your
chance to question the priorities of existence and also to get their
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18++ 22 Nov 2005

This guy has always dreamed of owning a Harley Davidson. One day he has
finally saved enough money, so he goes down to the dealer. After he
picks up the perfect bike, the dealer tells him about an old biker trick
that will keep the chrome on his new bike free from rust.

The dealer tells him that all he has to do is to keep a jar of Vaseline
handy and put it on the chrome before it rains and everything will be
fine. He happily pays for the bike and leaves.

After a couple of months he meets a lady and she asks him to take her
home to meet her parents over dinner. He readily accepts and the date is
set. At the appointed time he picks her up on his Harley and they ride
to her parents' house.

Before they go in, she tells him that they have a family tradition that
whoever speaks first after dinner must do the dishes.

After a delicious dinner everyone sits in silence waiting for the first
person to speak and get stuck doing the dishes. After a long 15 minutes
the young man decides to speed things up, so he reaches over and kisses
the girl in front of her family. No one says a word.

Emboldened, he throws her on the table and has sex with her in front of
everyone. No one says a word. Now he is getting desperate, so he grabs
her mother and throws her on the table. They have even wilder sex. No
one says a word.

By now he is thinking of what to do next when he hears thunder in the
distance. His first thought is to protect the chrome on his Harley, so
he reaches into his pocket and pulls out his jar of Vaseline.

And the father shouts, 'Okay damn it, I'll do the dishes.'

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JOKE OF THE DAY
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As wise men say, a joke a day keeps the doctor away. So step into the
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WORTH READING
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of wisdom that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your
chance to question the priorities of existence and also to get their
answers.

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18++ 21 Nov 2005

A man is out in the Chinese wilderness and he's hopelessly lost. It's
been nearly three weeks since he's eaten anything besides what he could
forage and he's been reduced to sleeping in caves and under trees.

One afternoon he comes upon an old mansion in the woods. It has vines
covering most of it and the man can't see any other buildings in the
area. However, he sees smoke coming out of the chimney implying someone
is home.

He knocks on the door and an old man answers, with a beard almost down
to the ground.

The old man squints his eyes and says "What do you want?"

The man says "I've been lost for the past three weeks and haven't had a
decent meal or sleep since that time. I would be most gracious if I
could have a meal and sleep in your house for tonight"

The old Chinese man says "I'll let you come in on one condition: You
cannot mess around with my granddaughter"

The man, exhausted and hungry readily agrees, saying "I promise I won't
cause you any trouble. I'll be on my way tomorrow morning."

The old Chinese man counters "OK, but if I do catch you then I'll give
you the three worst Chinese torture tests ever known to man."

"OK, OK" the man said as he entered the old house. Besides, he thought
to himself, what kind of woman would live out in the wilderness all her
life?

Well, that night, when the man came down to eat (after showering), he
saw how beautiful the granddaughter was. She was an absolute pearl, and
while he had only been lost three weeks, it had been many, many months
without companionship.

And the girl had only seen the occasional monk besides her grandfather
and well, they both couldn't keep their eyes off each other throughout
the meal.

That night, the man snuck into the girls bedroom and they had quite a
time, but had kept the noise down to a minimum. The man crept back to
his room later that night thinking to himself, "Any three torture tests
would be worth it after that experience."

Well, the next morning the man awoke to a heavy weight on his chest. He
opened his eyes and there was this huge rock on his chest. On the rock
was a sign saying "1st Chinese torture test: 100 lb rock on your chest".

"What a lame torture test" the man thought to himself as he got up and
walked over to the window. He opened the shutter and threw the rock out.

On the backside of the rock is another sign saying "2nd worst Chinese
torture test: Rock tied to right testicle".

The man, seeing the rock was too far out the window to be grabbed, jumps
out the window after the rock.

Outside the window is a third sign saying "3rd worst Chinese torture
test: Left testicle tied to bed post".

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JOKE OF THE DAY
----------------
As wise men say, a joke a day keeps the doctor away. So step into the
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Wishing you a laugh riot.

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WORTH READING
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of wisdom that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your
chance to question the priorities of existence and also to get their
answers.

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18++ 18 Nov 2005

A couple went golfing one day at a very, very exclusive course lined
with million-dollar homes. On the third tee, the husband cautioned,
'Honey, be careful when you drive. If we break one of those windows
it'll cost us a fortune to repair.'

Of course, she teed off and promptly shanked it right through the window
of the biggest house on the course.

The husband cringed. 'I warned you to watch out. Now we'll have to go up
there and apologize and see how much that lousy drive is going to cost.'

They walked up, knocked on the door, and a warm voice said, 'Come on
in.'

When they opened the door they saw glass all over the place and a broken
bottle lying on its side near the broken window. A man reclining on the
couch said, 'Are you the people that broke the window?'

'Uh yeah, we're sure sorry about that,' the husband replied.

'0H!, no apology is necessary.

Actually I want to thank you. You see, I'm a genie, and I've been
trapped in that bottle for a thousand years.

'Now that you've released me I'm allowed to grant three wishes. I'll
give you each one wish, and I'll keep the last one for myself.'

'Wow, that's great!' the husband said. He pondered a moment and blurted
out, 'I'd like a million dollars a year for the rest of my life.'

'No problem, it's the least I can do. And you, young lady, what do you
want?' the genie said looking at the wife.

'I'd like to own a gorgeous home in every country in the world,' she
said.

'Consider it done,' the genie said.

'And what's your wish, genie?' they asked in unison.

'Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle and haven't had sex with a
woman in a thousand years, my wish is to sleep with your wife.'

The husband looked at his wife and said, 'Gee, honey, you know we now
have a fortune, and all those houses. What do you think?'

She mulled it over for a few moments and said, 'Considering all that, I
guess I wouldn't mind.'

The genie took the woman upstairs and ravished her for the rest of the
afternoon. Both had been satisfied repeatedly, and as the genie rolled
over he looked at the wife and asked, 'How old is your husband?'

'He's 35,' she responded breathlessly.

'No shit! Thirty-five years old and that idiot still believes in
genies?'

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JOKE OF THE DAY
----------------
As wise men say, a joke a day keeps the doctor away. So step into the
health zone by sharing a hearty laugh. A variety of jokes that are
ludicrous and trivial, witty and wacky, spontaneous and sportive.
Wishing you a laugh riot.

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WORTH READING
-------------
Things they do not teach you at college! Life's puzzle unfolded. Words
of wisdom that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your
chance to question the priorities of existence and also to get their
answers.

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18++ 17 Nov 2005

I was coming home late the other night when the flash of red
in the mirror told me that I was about to meet one of our state's
finest. I was surprised to see that the officer was a young,
rather attractive woman. After the preliminaries, she stated
"anything you say will be held against you."

"... Tits!"

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from great leaders.

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JOKE OF THE DAY
----------------
As wise men say, a joke a day keeps the doctor away. So step into the
health zone by sharing a hearty laugh. A variety of jokes that are
ludicrous and trivial, witty and wacky, spontaneous and sportive.
Wishing you a laugh riot.

Join the Joke of the Day mailing list @
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Or simply go Blogging @
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WORTH READING
-------------
Things they do not teach you at college! Life's puzzle unfolded. Words
of wisdom that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your
chance to question the priorities of existence and also to get their
answers.

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18++ 11 Nov 2005

One day a little boy walked in on his mother in the shower. The boy
pointed to his mother's pussy and said "What's that mommy?".

The mother not wanting to explain the facts of life to the boy said
"that's my sponge" the boy satisfied with the answer went out.

A few days later the boy again walked in on his mother in the shower.
The night before the mother had shaved completely.

The boy noticing the difference asked the mother "where is your
sponge?".

The mother said she lost it and the boy satisfied went outside again..

All of a sudden the boy ran back in. "Mommy, mommy I found your sponge!
I was looking in Mrs.Jones back window and I saw Mrs Jones washing
daddy's face with it!"

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JOKE OF THE DAY
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As wise men say, a joke a day keeps the doctor away. So step into the
health zone by sharing a hearty laugh. A variety of jokes that are
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Wishing you a laugh riot.

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WORTH READING
-------------
Things they do not teach you at college! Life's puzzle unfolded. Words
of wisdom that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your
chance to question the priorities of existence and also to get their
answers.

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18++ 9 Nov 2005

A young girl was having a heart-to-heart talk
with her mother on her first visit home since
starting university.

"Mum, I have to tell you," the girl confessed.
"I lost my virginity last weekend". "I'm not
surprised," said her mother. "It was bound to
happen sooner or later. I just hope it was a
romantic and pleasurable experience".

"Well, yes and no," the pretty student remarked."
The first eight guys felt great, but after them
my pussy got really sore."

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JOKE OF THE DAY
----------------
As wise men say, a joke a day keeps the doctor away. So step into the
health zone by sharing a hearty laugh. A variety of jokes that are
ludicrous and trivial, witty and wacky, spontaneous and sportive.
Wishing you a laugh riot.

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WORTH READING
-------------
Things they do not teach you at college! Life's puzzle unfolded. Words
of wisdom that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your
chance to question the priorities of existence and also to get their
answers.

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18++ 7 Nov 2005

Ten times when using the "F" word was probably acceptable:

10. "What the @#$% was that?" -Mayor Of Hiroshima, 1945

9. "Where did all those @#$%ing Indians come from?" -Custer, 1877

8. "Any @#$%ing idiot could understand that." -Einstein, 1938

7. "It does so @#$%ing look like her!" -Picasso, 1926

6. "How the @#$% did you work that out?" -Pythagoras, 126 BC

5. "You want WHAT on the @#$%ing ceiling?" -Michelangelo, 1566

4. "Where the @#$% are we?" -Amelia Earhart, 1937

3. "Scattered @#$%ing showers....My ass!" -Noah, 4314 BC

2. "Aw c'mon. Who the @#$% is going to find out?" -- Bill Clinton,
1999
1. "Geez, I didn't think they'd get this @%#*^ing mad." - Osama bin
Laden, November 2001

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They inspire, they motivate and at times they tickle your funny bone.
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JOKE OF THE DAY
----------------
As wise men say, a joke a day keeps the doctor away. So step into the
health zone by sharing a hearty laugh. A variety of jokes that are
ludicrous and trivial, witty and wacky, spontaneous and sportive.
Wishing you a laugh riot.

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WORTH READING
-------------
Things they do not teach you at college! Life's puzzle unfolded. Words
of wisdom that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your
chance to question the priorities of existence and also to get their
answers.

Join the Worth Reading mailing list @
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18++ 2 Nov 2005

Says a teenage girl to her doctor: 'You prescribed me birthcontrol
pills.'
'And how is it going?'
'I think it's ok, but I'd like to have them bigger.'
The doctor was suprised. 'You mean stronger?'
'No, bigger, please'
'But why BIGGER?'
'Because they keep falling out'.

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QUOTATION OF THE DAY
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They inspire, they motivate and at times they tickle your funny bone.
But they never miss to touch your heart. Your daily supply of chosen
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from great leaders.

Join the Quote A Day mailing list @
http://groups-beta.google.com/group/QuotationOfTheDay
Or simply Blog it @
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JOKE OF THE DAY
----------------
As wise men say, a joke a day keeps the doctor away. So step into the
health zone by sharing a hearty laugh. A variety of jokes that are
ludicrous and trivial, witty and wacky, spontaneous and sportive.
Wishing you a laugh riot.

Join the Joke of the Day mailing list @
http://groups-beta.google.com/group/JokeOfTheDay
Or simply go Blogging @
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WORTH READING
-------------
Things they do not teach you at college! Life's puzzle unfolded. Words
of wisdom that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your
chance to question the priorities of existence and also to get their
answers.

Join the Worth Reading mailing list @
http://groups-beta.google.com/group/WorthReading
Or simply go Blogging @
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********************** Legal Disclaimer ****************************
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