18++ 21 Nov 2005

A man is out in the Chinese wilderness and he's hopelessly lost. It's
been nearly three weeks since he's eaten anything besides what he could
forage and he's been reduced to sleeping in caves and under trees.

One afternoon he comes upon an old mansion in the woods. It has vines
covering most of it and the man can't see any other buildings in the
area. However, he sees smoke coming out of the chimney implying someone
is home.

He knocks on the door and an old man answers, with a beard almost down
to the ground.

The old man squints his eyes and says "What do you want?"

The man says "I've been lost for the past three weeks and haven't had a
decent meal or sleep since that time. I would be most gracious if I
could have a meal and sleep in your house for tonight"

The old Chinese man says "I'll let you come in on one condition: You
cannot mess around with my granddaughter"

The man, exhausted and hungry readily agrees, saying "I promise I won't
cause you any trouble. I'll be on my way tomorrow morning."

The old Chinese man counters "OK, but if I do catch you then I'll give
you the three worst Chinese torture tests ever known to man."

"OK, OK" the man said as he entered the old house. Besides, he thought
to himself, what kind of woman would live out in the wilderness all her
life?

Well, that night, when the man came down to eat (after showering), he
saw how beautiful the granddaughter was. She was an absolute pearl, and
while he had only been lost three weeks, it had been many, many months
without companionship.

And the girl had only seen the occasional monk besides her grandfather
and well, they both couldn't keep their eyes off each other throughout
the meal.

That night, the man snuck into the girls bedroom and they had quite a
time, but had kept the noise down to a minimum. The man crept back to
his room later that night thinking to himself, "Any three torture tests
would be worth it after that experience."

Well, the next morning the man awoke to a heavy weight on his chest. He
opened his eyes and there was this huge rock on his chest. On the rock
was a sign saying "1st Chinese torture test: 100 lb rock on your chest".

"What a lame torture test" the man thought to himself as he got up and
walked over to the window. He opened the shutter and threw the rock out.

On the backside of the rock is another sign saying "2nd worst Chinese
torture test: Rock tied to right testicle".

The man, seeing the rock was too far out the window to be grabbed, jumps
out the window after the rock.

Outside the window is a third sign saying "3rd worst Chinese torture
test: Left testicle tied to bed post".

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