Tuesday, August 31, 2004

18++

ADIDAS

A woman is picked up by Santa in a bar. They like each other and she goes
back with Santa to his hotel room. Santa removes his shirt revealing all his
tattoos and she sees that on his arm is one which reads, "Reebok". She
thinks that's a bit odd and asks him about it.
Santa says, "When I play basketball, the cameras pick up the tattoo and
Reebok pays me for advertisement."
A bit later, his pants are off and she sees "Puma" tattooed on his leg.
Santa gives the same explanation for the unusual tattoo. Finally, the
underwear comes off and she sees the word "AIDS" tattooed on Santa's penis.
She jumps back with shock.
"I'm not going to do it with a guy who has AIDS!"
Santa says, "It's cool baby, in a minute it's going to say "ADIDAS".

Enjoy
Chirag
:c )

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Friday, August 27, 2004

18++

What did one ovary say to the other one?

"Did you order any furniture?"

"No. Why?" asked the other.

"Cause there's two nuts out there trying to deliver an organ."


Enjoy
Chirag
:c )

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Thursday, August 26, 2004

18++

*** FLAME FORM *** FLAME FORM *** FLAME FORM *** FLAME FORM ***

Dear:

[ ] Clueless Newbie [ ] Lamer [ ] AOLer
[ ] "Me too" er [ ] Pervert [ ] Geek
[ ] Spammer [ ] Nerd [ ] Elvis
[ ] Fed [ ] Freak [ ] Scientologist
[ ] Scammer [ ]Dumbass [ ] Pre-teen

You Are Being Flamed Because:
[ ] You posted binaries in pieces LESS than 5000 lines
[ ] You posted something asking for warez sites
[ ] You quoted an ENTIRE post in your reply
[ ] You continued a long, stupid thread
[ ] You started an off-topic thread
[ ] You posted a "YOU ALL SUCK" message
[ ] You posted a blatently obvious troll
[ ] You posted pretending to be someone famous (See "troll" above)
[ ] You replied to the above message type believing it was someone famous
[ ] You said "me too" to something
[ ] You suck
[ ] Your sig/alias/server sucks
[ ] You posted a phone-sex ad
[ ] Your ad sucks anyway since nobody asked for it
[ ] You posted a stupid pyramid money-making scheme and
claimed it was legal
[ ] I think you might be a fed
[ ] You spam
[ ] You posted in ElItE CaPiTaLs because you think that makes you kEwL
[ ] You didn't do anything specific, but appear to be so generally
worthless that you are being flamed anyway

To Repent, You Must:

[ ] Stop masterbating for a week
[ ] Give up your AOL account
[ ] Be Senator Exon's love slave for a month.
[ ] Tell your Mommy you've been a bad boy
[ ] Jump into a bathtub while holding your monitor
[ ] Actually post something relevant
[ ] Read the FAQ
[ ] Be the guest of honor in alt.flame for a month

In Closing, I'd Like to Say:

[ ] Blow me
[ ] Get a life
[ ] Never post again
[ ] Age 10 more years before you post again
[ ] I pity your dog
[ ] Go to hell
[ ] Yer momma's so fat/stupid/ugly that etc...
[ ] Take your shit somewhere else
[ ] Get fucked, you pathetic loser
[ ] Learn to post or fuck off
[ ] All of the above
END FLAME


Enjoy
Chirag
:c )

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Wednesday, August 25, 2004

18++

The Top 16 Rejected Motel 6 Slogans

16> We're working on that smell thing, too.

15> Because you deserve better than the backseat of some car.

14> As seen on "COPS"

13> If We'd Known You Were Staying All Night, We'd Have
Changed the Sheets

12> Not just for nooners anymore.

11> We left off the 9, but you know it's there.

10> You rented the room, now buy the video.

9> Sure, you could stay someplace nicer, but then you
wouldn't have money left over for a hooker.

8> We'll leave the Lysol for ya!

7> Hey, we're not the Ritz, but just try bringing your
secretary there on *your* salary, pal!

6> We don't make the adultery. We make the adultery *better*

5> It's Hookerriffic!

4> Official Lodging of the 1998 Florida Marlins

3> Blurring the line between stains and avant garde sheet art
since 1962!

2> Cheap and Easy -- Just Like Your Mother

and the Number 1 Rejected Motel 6 Slogan...

1> We put the "Ho" in "Motel"

Enjoy
Chirag
:c )

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Tuesday, August 24, 2004

18++

A certain zoo had acquired a very rare species of gorilla. Within
a few weeks, the female gorilla became very ornery, and difficult to
handle.

Upon examination, the zoo veterinarian determined the problem. The
gorilla was in heat. To make matters worse, there were no male gorilla
available.

While reflecting on their problem, the zoo administrators noticed
Mike, an employee responsible for cleaning the animals' cages. Mike,
it was rumored, possessed ample ability to satisfy any female, but he
wasn't very bright. So, the zoo administrators thought they might have
a solution.

Mike was approached with a proposition: would he be willing to
have sex with the gorilla for five hundred bucks? Mike showed some
interest, but said he would have to think the matter over carefully.

The following day, Mike announced that he would accept their
offer, but only under three conditions. "First," he said, "I don't
want to have to kiss her.

Secondly, I want nothing to do with any offspring that may result
from this union."

The zoo administration quickly agreed to these conditions, so
they asked what was his third condition.

"Well," said Mike, "you've gotta give me another week to come up
with the five hundred bucks."

Enjoy
Chirag
:c )

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Monday, August 23, 2004

18++

A Sardarji and his wife are traveling by car from Key West to Boston.
After almost twenty-four hours on the road, they're too tired to continue,
and they decide to stop for a rest. They stop at a nice
hotel and take a room, but they only plan to sleep for four hours and then
get back on the road.

When they check out four hours later, the desk clerk hands them a bill for
350. The Sardarji explodes and demands to know why the charge is
so high. He tells the clerk although it's a nice hotel, the rooms certainly
aren't worth $350. When the clerk tells him $350 is the standard rate, the
man insists on speaking to the Manager. The Manager appears, listens to the
Sardarji, and then explains that the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a
huge conference center that were
available for the husband and wife to use. But we didn't use them", the
Sardarji complains.

"Well, they are here, and you could have," explains the Manager. He goes on
to explain they could have taken in one of the shows for which the hotel is
famous. "The best entertainers from New York, Hollywood and Las Vegas
perform here," the Manager says. But we didn't go to any of those shows,"
Sardarji complains again. "Well, we have them, and you could have", the
Manager replies. No matter what facility the Manager mentions, the Sardarji
replies "But we didn't use it".

The Manager is unmoved, and eventually the Sardarji finally gives up
and agrees to pay. He writes a check and gives it to the Manager.

The Manager is surprised when the looks at the check. "But sir," he
says, "this check is only made out for $100." "That's right," says the
Sardarji, "I charged you $250 for sleeping with my wife."

"But I didn't!" exclaims the Manager.

"Well," the Sardarji replies, "she was here, and you could have."



shared by Prashant

Enjoy
Chirag
:c )

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Friday, August 20, 2004

18++

A cop on horseback is at a traffic light, and next to him is a kid on his
bike. The cop says to the kid, "Nice bike you got there. Santa bring that
to you?" The kid says, "Yeah." The cop says, "Tell Santa next year to put
a taillight on that bike." The kid says, "Nice horse you got there. Did
Santa bring that to you?" The cop says, "Yeah." The kid says, "Well, tell
Santa next year to put the dick underneath the horse, instead of on top."


Enjoy
Chirag
:c )

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Thursday, August 19, 2004

18++

* THE BIGGER THE DUMBER *

Two parents take their son on a vacation and go to a nude beach. The
father goes for a walk on the beach and the son goes and plays in the
water.

The son comes running up to his mom and says "Mommy, I saw ladies with
boobies a lot bigger than yours!" The mom replies "the bigger they are,
the dumber they are."

So he goes back to play. Several minutes later he comes running back and
says... "Mommy, I saw men with dingers a lot bigger than Daddy's!" The
mom replies "the bigger they are, the dumber they are."

So he goes back to play. Several minutes later he comes running back and
says "Mommy, I just saw Daddy talking to the dumbest lady I ever saw and
the more and more he talked, the dumber and dumber he got!"

Enjoy
Chirag
:c )

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Wednesday, August 18, 2004

18++

Greek Marriage
A woman agreed to marry a Greek man. Her father warned her that being
Greek, he will probably ask her to "turn over" while in bed and making
love, and she was under no obligation to perform that way for him.

Sure enough, after being married for a few month, the husband was in bed
with his wife and asks, "Honey, would you like to turn over?"

The wife got very upset and said, "My father warned me you would try
something like that! No way!"

"But Honey - don't you want to have kids?"

Enjoy
Chirag
:c )

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