18++ 16 Jun 2009

Elf Pick-Up Lines

 

~ "I'm down here." ~ "Just
because I've got bells on my shoes, doesn't mean I'm a sissy." ~ "I
was once a lawn ornament for 'NSync. Want to meet them?" ~ "I have
certain needs that can't be satisfied by working on toys." ~ "I'm a
magical being. Can I try to make your top and bra disappear?" ~ "No,
no. I don't bake cookies. You're thinking of those dorks over at
Keebler." ~ "Get an eyedropper of tequila in me and I turn into a wild
man." ~ "I can eat my weight in cocktail wieners." ~ "You'd look
great in a Raggedy Ann wig." ~ "I can get you off Santa's naughty
list."

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18++ 19 Jun 2009

Strange Customs

 

A distinguished-looking young woman on a flight from
Ireland asked the Priest beside her, "Father, may I ask a favor?"

"Of course, child. What may I do for you?"

"Well, I bought an expensive woman's electronic hair dryer for my
Mother's birthday that is unopened and well over the Customs limits, and
I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it
through customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?"

"I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie."

"With your honest face, Father, no one will question you."

When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her. The
official asked, "Father, do you have anything to declare?"

"From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare."

The official thought this answer strange, so asked, "And what do you
have to declare from your waist to the floor?"

"I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which
is, to date, unused."

 

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question the priorities of existence and also to get their answers.

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18++ 4 Jun 2009

Christmas in Malarkey

 

John, a salesman in Malarkey, Illinois, would
delight when it came to any kind of unusual gadget. His wife, Marsha,
had long ago given up trying to get him to change. One day John came
home with another one of his unusual purchases; it was a robot with
lie-detection capability built in! He intended to give it to the boy for
Christmas. When the new year arrived, and little Tommy was back in
school, one day he arrived home at 5:30 in the aftermnoon. When John
asked 11-year-old Tommy why he had arrived home more than 2 hours lates,
Tommy explained, "Several of us went to the library to work on an extra
credit project." Upon hearing this, the robot maneuvered around the
table and slapped Tommy, knocking him completely out of his chair.
"Son," said John, "unbeknownst to you, the robot you received for
Christmas is a lie detector. Now tell us where you really were after
school." "We went to Bobby's house and watched a movie," answered
Tommy. "What did you watch?" asked Marsha. "The Ten Commandments,"
said Tommy. Again the robot maneuvered into position and gave young
Tommy a furious whack, knocking him off his chair once more. With his
lip quivering, Tommy got up, sat down and said, "I am sorry I lied. We
really watched a movie called 'Dial M for Missionary'." "I am ashamed
of you son," said John. "When I was your age, I never lied to my
parents." The robot maneuvered into postion and delivered a whack to
John that nearly knocked him out of his chair! Marsha doubled over in
laughter, almost in tears and said, "Boy, did you ever ask for that one!
You can't be too mad with Tommy. After all, he is your son!" With
that the robot immediately maneuvered towards Marsha and knocked her out
of her chair.
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JOKE OF THE DAY
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As wise men say, a joke a day keeps the doctor away. So step into the health
zone by sharing a hearty laugh. A variety of jokes that are ludicrous and
trivial, witty and wacky, spontaneous and sportive. Wishing you a laugh
riot.

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WORTH READING
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Things they do not teach you at college! Life's puzzle unfolded. Words of
wisdom that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your chance to
question the priorities of existence and also to get their answers.

Join the Worth Reading mailing list @
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