18++ 28 Jun 2007

I'll Screw Anybody
----------------------------------------

A man walks into a bar. He sees a beautiful, well-dressed woman sitting
on a bar stool alone.

He walks up to her and says, "Hi there, how's it going tonight?"

She turns to him, looks him straight in the eyes and says, "I'll screw
anybody at any time, any where . . . your place or my place, it doesn't
matter to me."

The guy raises his eyebrows and says, "Really? What law firm do you
work for?"

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JOKE OF THE DAY
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WORTH READING
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18++ 25 Jun 2007

Preacher's Ass (Donkey)
----------------------------------------

A preacher wanted to raise money for his church and on being told that
there was a fortune in horse racing, decided to purchase one and enter
it in the races. However at the local auction, the going price for
horses was so high that he ended up buying a donkey instead. He figured
that since he had it, he might as well go ahead and enter it in the
races. To his surprise, the donkey came in third! The next day the
local paper carried this headline:

"PREACHER'S ASS SHOWS!"

The preacher was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the
race again, and this time it won. The paper read:

"PREACHER'S ASS OUT IN FRONT"

The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the
preacher not to enter the donkey in another race. The paper headline
read:

"BISHOP SCRATCHES PREACHER'S ASS"

This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the preacher to get rid
of the donkey. The preacher decided to give it to a nun in a nearby
convent. The paper headline the next day read:

"NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN"

The Bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid
of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.00. Next day the
headline read:

"NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.00"

This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the
donkey, lead it to the plains where it could run wild and free. Next
day, the headline in the paper read:

"NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE"

The Bishop was buried the next day.

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As wise men say, a joke a day keeps the doctor away. So step into the
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Wishing you a laugh riot.

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WORTH READING
-------------
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of wisdom that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your
chance to question the priorities of existence and also to get their
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18++ 4 Jun 2007

What Your Drink Says About You
----------------------------------------

Bartenders were asked if they could nail a woman's personality based on
what she drinks. Though interviewed separately, they concurred on almost
all counts.

The results:

Drink: Beer
Personality: Casual, low-maintenance; down to Earth.
Your Approach: Challenge her to a game of pool.

Drink: Blender Drinks
Personality: Flaky, annoying; a pain in the ass.
Your Approach: Avoid her, unless you want to be her cabin boy.

Drink: Mixed Drinks
Personality: Older, has picky taste; knows what she wants.
Your Approach: You won't have to approach her. She'll send YOU a drink.

Drink: Wine - (does not include white zinfandel, see below)
Personality: Conservative and classy, sophisticated.
Your Approach: Tell her you wish Reagan had had four more years . . .
Alzheimer's and term limits be damned.

Drink: White Zin
Personality: Easy; thinks she is classy and sophisticated, actually has
no clue.
Your Approach: Make her feel smarter than she is...

Drink: Shots
Personality: Hanging with frat-boy pals or looking to get drunk...and
naked.
Your Approach: Easiest hit in the joint. Nothing to do but wait.

Then there is the male addendum .... The deal with guys is, as always, =
very simple and clear cut.

Domestic Beer: He's poor and wants to get laid.

Imported Beer: He likes good beer and wants to get laid.

Wine: He's hoping that the wine thing will give him a sophisticated
image to help him get laid.

Whiskey: He doesn't give two shits about anything but getting laid.

Tequila: Piss off, all you wankers, I'm gonna go shag something.

White Zin: He's gay.

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JOKE OF THE DAY
----------------
As wise men say, a joke a day keeps the doctor away. So step into the
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ludicrous and trivial, witty and wacky, spontaneous and sportive.
Wishing you a laugh riot.

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WORTH READING
-------------
Things they do not teach you at college! Life's puzzle unfolded. Words
of wisdom that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your
chance to question the priorities of existence and also to get their
answers.

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