18++ 2 Aug 2005

Usually, anyone who has a dog calls him Rover or Spot or some such name,
I called mine Sex, and it got me into constant trouble.

One day when he was young I took Sex for a walk and he slipped his
collar and ran away. I spent hours looking for him. A policeman came
along and asked me what i was doing in an alley at midnight. I told him
i was looking for Sex.

That was my first court appearance.

One day I went into the town hall to get my dog registered. I told the
clerk I wanted a licence for Sex. He said he would like one too.

When I said that he didnt understand, that it was for a dog. He said
that he didn't care what she looked like.

Again I said that he didn't understand and that I had had Sex since I
was 5 years old. He said that I must have been a strong boy.

When I decided to get married I told the minister that I wanted to have
Sex at the wedding. He told me to wait after the ceremony.

I said that Sex had played a big part of my life and my whole lifestyle
revolved around Sex. He said he didn't want to hear about it and he
would not allow us to have Sex in the church.

I told him all my friends and relatives coming to the church would enjoy
having Sex there. He barred the lot of us and we had to get married in
the Registry Office.

Of course, my wife and I took the dog along with us on our honeymoon and
when I checked into the motel I told the clerk we wanted an extra room
for Sex. The clerk said that every room was for sex.

I said you didn't understand, Sex keeps me awake at night, and the clerk
said "Me too."

When my wife and I divorced we went to court to fight for custody of the
dog. I said, "Your honour, I had Sex before I was married," and he
replied, "Me too."

Well, now I have been thrown in jail, been married, divorced, and had
more darn troubles with that dog than I ever bargained on.

Why, just the other day when I went for my first session with my
psychiatrist she asked me what seemed to be the trouble. I replied that
Sex had died and left my life. It was like losing a friend.

She said: "You should buy yourself a dog."

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