18++ 21 Mar 2005

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Marriage - Part I
============
Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the
wedding, he laid down the following rules:

"I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want and I
don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the
table unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go
hunting, fishing, boozing and card-playing when I want with my old
buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my
rules.

Any comments?"

His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand there
will be sex here at seven o'clock every night ........ whether you're
here or not."

Marriage (Part II)
============
Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding
anniversary! The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a
headstone that reads: "Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever"

"Yeah?" she replies. "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that
reads: "Here Lies My Husband Stiff At Last"

Marriage (Part III)
============
Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the beakfast
table.
Husband gets up in a rage and says, "And you are no good in bed
either,"
and storms out of the house. After sometime, he realizes he was nasty
and decides to make amends and rings her up. She comes to the phone
after many rings, and the irritated husband says, "what took you so
long to answer
the
phone?"

She says, "I was in bed."

"In bed this early, doing what?"

"Getting a second opinion!"

Marriage (Part IV)
=============

A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement.

He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his wife, "Mother of
Six" in spite of her objections. One night, they go to a party. The
man decides that it's time to go home and wants to find out if his
wife is ready to leave as well.

He shouts t the top of his voice, "Shall we go home 'Mother of Six?'
His wife, irritated
by her husband's lack of discretion, shouts right back,

"Anytime you're ready, Father of Four."

Marriage (Part V)
=============
The Silent Treatment A man and his wife were having some problems at
home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the
man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at
5:00 AM for an early morning busines flight. Not wanting to be the
first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of
paper,

"Please wake me at 5:00 AM."

He left it where he knew she would find it. The next morning, the man
woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight.
Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him,
when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.

The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."

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