18++ 20 Aug 2007

Stupidity

(name withheld) Minnetonka, MN 55345

Superior Health Insurance ATTN: Claims Review 1423 W. 90th St. New York,
NY 05016

Dear Sir:

This letter is in response to your recent letter requesting a more
detailed explanation concerning my recent internment at Methodist
Hospital. Specifically, you asked for an expansion in reference to Block
21(a)(3) of the claim form (reason for hospital visit). On the original
form, I put "Stupidity". I realize now that this answer was somewhat
vague and so I will attempt to more fully explain the circumstances
leading up to my hospitalization.

I had needed to use the restroom and had just finished a quick bite to
eat at the local burger joint. I entered the bathroom, took care of my
business, and just prior to the moment in which I had planned to raise
my trousers, the locked case that prevents theft of the toilet paper in
such places came undone and, feeling it striking my knee, unthinkingly,
I immediately, and with unnecessary force, returned the lid back to its
normal position.

Unfortunately, as I did this I also turned and certain parts of my body,
which were still exposed, were trapped between the device's lid and its
main body. Feeling such intense and immediate pain caused me to jump
back. It quickly came to my attention that, when one's privates are
firmly attached to an immovable object, it is not a good idea to jump in
the opposite direction.

Upon recovering some of my senses, I attempted to reopen the lid.
However, my slamming of it had been sufficient to allow the locking
mechanism to engage. I then proceeded to get a hold on my pants and
subsequently removed my keys from them. I intended to try to force the
lock of the device open with one of my keys; thus extracting myself.

Unfortunately, when I attempted this, my key broke in the lock.
Embarrassment of someone seeing me in this unique position became a
minor concern, and I began to call for help in as much of a calm and
rational manner as I could. An employee from the restaurant quickly
arrived and decided that this was a problem requiring the attention of
the store manager.

Betty, the manager, came quickly. She attempted to unlock the device
with her keys. Since I had broken my key off in the device, she could
not get her key in. Seeing no other solution, she called the EMS (as
indicated on your form in block 21(b)(1)).

After approximately 15 minutes, the EMS arrived, along with two police
officers, a fire-rescue squad, and the channel 4 ''On-the-Spot'' news
team. The guys from the fire department quickly took charge as this was
obviously a rescue operation. The senior member of the team discovered
that the device was attached with bolts to the cement wall that could
only be reached once the device was unlocked. (His discovery was by
means of tearing apart the device located in the stall next to the one
that I was in. (Since the value of the property destroyed in his
examination was less than $50 (my deductible) I did not include it in my
claim.) His partner, who seemed like an intelligent fellow at the time,
came up with the idea of cutting the device from the wall with the
propane torch that was in the rescue truck.

The fireman went to his truck, retrieved the torch, and commenced to
attempt to cut the device from the wall. Had I been in a state to think
of such things, I might have realized that in cutting the device from
the wall several things would also inevitably happen. First, the air
inside of the device would quickly heat up, causing items inside the
device to suffer the same effects that are normally achieved by placing
things in an oven. Second, the metal in the device is a good conductor
of heat causing items that are in contact with the device to react as if
thrown into a hot skillet. And, third, molten metal would shower the
inside of the device as the torch cut through.

The one bright note of the propane torch was that it did manage to cut,
in the brief time that I allowed them to use it, a hole big enough for a
small pry bar to be placed inside of the device. The EMS team then
loaded me, along with the device, into the waiting ambulance as stated
on your form.

Due the small area of your block 21(a)(3), I was unable to give a full
explanation of these events, and thus used the word which I thought best
described my actions that led to my hospitalization.

Sincerely, (name withheld)

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