Wednesday, January 31, 2007

18++ 31 Jan 2007

Colin meets a girl on the street. He says, "Come on, babe, let's go in
the alleyway and get it on. I've got fifteen bucks."

She says, "FIFTEEN bucks? You're crazy. For fifteen bucks, I'll let you
LOOK at it."

They go into the alleyway, she pulls down her pants, and he gets down on
his knees. But he can't see anything, because it's too dark, so he gets
out his lighter.

He lights his lighter, and he says, "My God, your pubic hair... it's so
curly and thick... it's BEAUTIFUL."

She says, "Thank you."

He says, "You mind if I ask you a personal question?"

She says, "Go ahead."

He says, "Can you pee through all that hair?"

She says, "Of course."

He says, "Well, you better start. You're on fire."

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JOKE OF THE DAY
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As wise men say, a joke a day keeps the doctor away. So step into the
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WORTH READING
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Things they do not teach you at college! Life's puzzle unfolded. Words
of wisdom that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your
chance to question the priorities of existence and also to get their
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Monday, January 29, 2007

18++ 29 Jan 2007

The very snobbish wife was discussing the subject of Christmas presents
with her maid.

"Now what about the butler?" the rich woman said.

"A set of wine glasses?" the maid suggested.

The woman frowned icily. "He doesn't really need that. A butler never
entertains. He'll get a tie."

The maid grimaced, but said only, "What about a dress for Jenny, the
serving girl?"

The woman frowned again. "She doesn't really need a new dress. She'll
only get in trouble. We'll get her another apron."

The conversation continued in the same vein, and the maid was chafing at
her employer's arrogance when they reached her husband.

"I assume you want to get him something he really needs, madam?" the
maid replied.

"Of course," the woman replied.

"Then what about five more inches?"

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JOKE OF THE DAY
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As wise men say, a joke a day keeps the doctor away. So step into the
health zone by sharing a hearty laugh. A variety of jokes that are
ludicrous and trivial, witty and wacky, spontaneous and sportive.
Wishing you a laugh riot.

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WORTH READING
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Things they do not teach you at college! Life's puzzle unfolded. Words
of wisdom that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your
chance to question the priorities of existence and also to get their
answers.

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Wednesday, January 24, 2007

18++ 25 Jan 2007


The madam of a bawdy house answered the ring of the bell and, on opening
the door, she found standing there on the threshold, an ancient, bearded
gentleman in rabbi's garb.

"May I come in?" asked the rabbi gently in an aged, quavering voice.

Feeling a little confused, the madam said, "But rabbi, surely you must
be in the wrong place. Here is where we..."

"I know what you do here," interrupted the rabbi. "You don't think I
came here for chopped liver, do you? Bring on the girls."

Still confused, but understanding her professional duties, the madam had
several girls line up. The rabbi tottered from one to another until he
reached Rose, a large redhead with enormous breasts. He looked at her
with appreciation and pointed, "Good! I'll take those."

The rabbi paid out the necessary sum and Rosie led him upstairs. She
helped him off with his coat and hung it up carefully on the nail on the
door. Then she helped him off with the rest of his clothes and got into
bed.

There, to Rosie's astonishment, the rabbi performed with an address and
a skill that was unbelievable. In fact, Rosie, a hardened professional,
found herself surprised into orgasm.

As they lay in bed a few minutes afterwards, relaxing, Rosie said, "How
old are you, Rabbi?"

The rabbi said, "God has been good to me. I am eighty-eight years old."

"That is certainly amazing. Listen, Rabbi, if you're ever in the
neighborhood again and if you should feel in the mood, please ask for me
... Rosie. I would be delighted to oblige you."

The rabbi said, with a certain hauteur, "What do you mean, if I should
be in the mood again? Let me sleep for five minutes right now and,
believe me, I will be in the mood again."

"Really, Rabbi? Then please take a nap."

"Okay."

The rabbi adjusted himself into a relaxed position, face up, placed his
arms across his chest and then said, "Wait one minute. This is
important. While I'm asleep, scoop up my testicles with your right hand
and hold them an inch above the sheet, without moving them. Keep them
absolutely motionless."

"Of course, Rabbi," said Rosie, and did as she was told, holding the
rabbi's testicles free of the sheet.

For five minutes the rabbi slept, then woke with a start and said, "I'm
ready." And so he was, for, to Rosie's delight, he was even better the
second time than the first.

As she lay panting, Rosie said, "It was wonderful, Rabbi, but one thing
I don't understand. Why was it necessary to hold your testicles
motionless above the sheet while you were sleeping?"

"Oh that," said the rabbi. "Well, you are a nice girl and I like you
very much. Still, the truth is I don't know you very well, and over
there, in my coat, hanging on the hook on the door, is five hundred
dollars."

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They inspire, they motivate and at times they tickle your funny bone.
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JOKE OF THE DAY
----------------
As wise men say, a joke a day keeps the doctor away. So step into the
health zone by sharing a hearty laugh. A variety of jokes that are
ludicrous and trivial, witty and wacky, spontaneous and sportive.
Wishing you a laugh riot.

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WORTH READING
-------------
Things they do not teach you at college! Life's puzzle unfolded. Words
of wisdom that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your
chance to question the priorities of existence and also to get their
answers.

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Tuesday, January 23, 2007

18++ 24 Jan 2007

While waiting at a bus stop for a bus, a woman stepped onto a weight
machine that told your fortune and weight for a quarter. She put a
quarter in, and out came a card that read, "Your age is 32, You weigh
135 lbs., and you play the fiddle."

She found the fortune amusing, since she didn't play the fiddle, but it
did have her age correct. About that time, an old gentleman walked up
carrying a fiddle. She asked him if she could see his fiddle. He agreed,
and to their amazement, she started playing the fiddle with great
natural skill.

She wondered if the fortune machine had actually known something about
her that she didn't. She thought about it, and decided to try the weight
machine again. She put another quarter in the machine, and out comes the
card that reads: "Your age is 32, you weigh 135 lbs., and you have
gastritis."

She found this one to be absurd, as she was in perfect health, so she
goes back to the bus-stop to wait for her bus. While sitting there, she
develops abdominal pains that continue to get worse until all of a
sudden she farts.

She wondered about the fortune, and again was curious if the machine was
capable of knowing stuff about her that she didn't know. She puts
another quarter in the machine, and out comes a card that reads: "Your
age is 32, you weigh 135 lbs., and you are about to have sex."

She laughed out loud, as she had been trying to find a decent guy to
screw for weeks, with no luck. She is sitting there waiting for the bus,
when this attractive young man sits down and immediately their eyes
locked, and they both knew that they were right for each other.

They quickly ducked down an alley and began to screw like two teenagers.
The woman was so simply amazed at the ability of the machine, that she
had to try it one more time.

She stood on the machine, put her last quarter in, and out came a card
that read: "Your age is 32, you weigh 135 lbs.,you've fiddled, you've
farted, you've screwed around, and now you've missed your bus."

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JOKE OF THE DAY
----------------
As wise men say, a joke a day keeps the doctor away. So step into the
health zone by sharing a hearty laugh. A variety of jokes that are
ludicrous and trivial, witty and wacky, spontaneous and sportive.
Wishing you a laugh riot.

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WORTH READING
-------------
Things they do not teach you at college! Life's puzzle unfolded. Words
of wisdom that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your
chance to question the priorities of existence and also to get their
answers.

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Friday, January 19, 2007

18++ 19 Jan 2007

Father Joseph went up to Father Fred one afternoon and said, "I am SICK
of all this clean living. Tonight let's you and me go out and party.
We'll carouse, drink, whatever we want."

Fred was shocked. "Are you crazy? This is a small town and everyone
knows us. Besides, even if they didn't, they would see our clothes and
know we were priests."

Joe was ready for this. "Don't be silly. We won't stay in town, we'll go
into the city where nobody knows us, and we'll dress just like anyone
else."

In the end, he managed to persuade Fred, and they went out that night
and partied like professionals. When they got back home at 5:00 AM,
Fred's face became pale. "I just thought of something," he said. "We
have to confess this."

Again, Joe was ready. "Relax, I told you, I thought this all out in
advance. Tomorrow, you go into church and into the confessional. I will
come in my regular clothes and confess, and you absolve me. Then I go
put on my garments, you come in and confess, and I'll absolve you."

Fred was amazed at Joe's brilliance. And so, Joseph went in later that
morning and said, "Father forgive me, for I have sinned. My friend and
I, we're both young men, and last night we went out and caroused. We
became drunk, had carnal knowledge of prostitutes, used foul language,
danced to wicked music."

Fred answered, "God is patient and forgiving, and thus shall I be. Do 5
'Our Father's' and 5 'Hail Mary's' and you will be absolved of your
sin."

A while later, their places were reversed as Fred came in and confessed
everything in detail. There was a short pause, and Joseph answered, "I
don't believe this. And you DARE to call yourself a priest? You will do
500 "Our Father's," 500 "Hail Mary's," donate all your money for the
next month to the church, and go around the church 500 times on your
knees praying for God's forgiveness. Then come back and we'll discuss
absolution, but I make no guarantees."

"WHAT?!" Father Fred was shocked. "What about our agreement??"

Joe replied, "Hey, what I do on my time off is one thing, but I take my
job seriously."

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They inspire, they motivate and at times they tickle your funny bone.
But they never miss to touch your heart. Your daily supply of chosen
gems from the world of literature, ancient proverbs, poetry and sayings
from great leaders.

Join the Quote A Day mailing list @
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Or simply Blog it @
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JOKE OF THE DAY
----------------
As wise men say, a joke a day keeps the doctor away. So step into the
health zone by sharing a hearty laugh. A variety of jokes that are
ludicrous and trivial, witty and wacky, spontaneous and sportive.
Wishing you a laugh riot.

Join the Joke of the Day mailing list @
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Or simply go Blogging @
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WORTH READING
-------------
Things they do not teach you at college! Life's puzzle unfolded. Words
of wisdom that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your
chance to question the priorities of existence and also to get their
answers.

Join the Worth Reading mailing list @
http://groups-beta.google.com/group/WorthReading
Or simply go Blogging @
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Tuesday, January 16, 2007

18++ 16 Jan 2007

Three hookers are comparing notes about their customers from the night
before.

"I entertained a cowboy last night," says the first.

"How did you know he was a cowboy?" asks the second.

"Well, he wore a cowboy hat, cowboy boots, and kept both the hat and the
boots on all the time we were together."

"Sounds like a cowboy, all right," the others say.

"I entertained a lawyer," announces the second. "I could tell because he
wore a three piece suit and packed a briefcase. He wore the vest of the
suit and hung on to the briefcase all the time."

They agree he sounded like a lawyer.

"I had a dirt farmer for a client," comments the third.

"How could you possibly know he was a dirt farmer?" she is asked.

"First he complained it was too dry, then he whined it was too wet, then
he asked if he could pay me in the fall."

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They inspire, they motivate and at times they tickle your funny bone.
But they never miss to touch your heart. Your daily supply of chosen
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from great leaders.

Join the Quote A Day mailing list @
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JOKE OF THE DAY
----------------
As wise men say, a joke a day keeps the doctor away. So step into the
health zone by sharing a hearty laugh. A variety of jokes that are
ludicrous and trivial, witty and wacky, spontaneous and sportive.
Wishing you a laugh riot.

Join the Joke of the Day mailing list @
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Or simply go Blogging @
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WORTH READING
-------------
Things they do not teach you at college! Life's puzzle unfolded. Words
of wisdom that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your
chance to question the priorities of existence and also to get their
answers.

Join the Worth Reading mailing list @
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