18++ 31 Mar 2006

Johnny wanted to enjoy a girl in his office .......but she had a
boyfriend...

One day Johnny got so frustrated that he went up to her and said,
"I'll give you $1000 dollars if you let me enjoy you"
But the girl said "NO WAY!"
Johnny said, "I'll be fast. I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend
down, I'll be finished by the time you pick it up!"

She thought for a moment and said that she would have to consult her
boyfriend ...So, she called her boyfriend and told him the story.

Her boyfriend says "Ask him for $2000 dollars, pick up the money very
fast,
he won't even be able to get his pants down!"

So she agrees and accepts the proposal. Half an hour goes by and the
boyfriend is waiting for his girlfriend to call. Finally after 45 mins
the
boyfriend calls and asks

"What happened"

She said "The basta** used coins!!"

Shared by Vamsi
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18++ 30 Mar 2006

A woman is in bed with her lover who also happens to be her husband's
best friend. They had sex for hours, and afterwards, while they're just
laying there, the phone rings. Since it is the woman's house, she picks
up the receiver. Her lover looks over at her and listens, only hearing
he side of the conversation. She is speaking in a cheery voice:

"Hello? Oh, hi. I'm so glad that you called. Really? That's wonderful. I
am so happy for you. That sounds terrific. Great! Thanks. Okay. Bye
bye."

She hangs up the telephone and her lover asks, "Who was that?"

"Oh," she replies, "that was my husband telling me all about the
wonderful time he's having on his fishing trip with you."

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18++ 29 Mar 2006

This 65 year old woman is naked, jumping up and down on her bed laughing
and singing. Her husband walks into the bedroom and sees her.

He watches her a while then says, "You look ridiculous! What on earth do
you think you're doing?"

She says, "I just got my checkup and my doctor says I have breasts of an
eighteen-year-old." She starts laughing and jumping again.

He says, "Yeah, right. And what did he say about your 65 year-old ass?"

Your name never came up..." she replied

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18++ 28 Mar 2006

A man goes to his doctor and complains that his wife hasn't wanted to
have sex with him for the past six months.

The doctor tells the man to bring his wife in so he can talk to her and
hopefully determine what the problem is.

The following day, the wife goes to the doctor's office. The doctor asks
her what's wrong, why doesn't she want to have sex with her husband?

"Oh, that's easily explained. For the past six months," the wife says,
"I've been taking a cab to work every morning. I don't have any money.
The cab driver asks me, 'Are you going to pay today, or what?' So, I
take an 'or what'."

"Then, when I get to work," she continues, "I'm late, so the boss asks
me, 'Are we going to write this down in the book, or what?' So, I take
an 'or what'.

I take a cab to go home after work and, as usual, I have no money. The
cab driver asks me again, 'So, are you going to pay this time, or what?'
Again, I take an 'or what'.

So you see, doc, by the time I get home I'm all tired out and don't want
it anymore."

"Yes, I see," replies the doctor. "So, are we going to tell your
husband, or what?"

shared by Jai

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As wise men say, a joke a day keeps the doctor away. So step into the
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WORTH READING
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18++ 27 Mar 2006

A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms. The pharmacist
says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the
young man wants.

"Well," he said, "I've been seeing this girl for a while and
she's really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight's
"the" night. We're having dinner with her parents, and then we're
going out.

Later that evening, he sits down to dinner with his girlfriend
and her parents. He asks if he might give the blessing and they
agree. He begins the prayer, but continues praying for several
minutes. The girl leans over to him and says, "You never told me
that you were such a religious person."

The boy leans over to her and whispers, "You never told me that
your father is a pharmacist."

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JOKE OF THE DAY
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As wise men say, a joke a day keeps the doctor away. So step into the
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WORTH READING
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chance to question the priorities of existence and also to get their
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18++ 24 Mar 2006

A husband and wife are celebrating their 50th anniversary. That night
the wife approaches her husband wearing the exact same sexy little
negligee she wore on their wedding night. She looks at her husband and
says, "Honey, Do you remember this?"

He looks up at her and says, "Yes dear, I do. You wore that same
negligee the night we were married."

She says, "Yes, that's right. Do you remember what you said to me that
night?"

He nods and says, "Yes dear, I still remember."

"Well, what was it?" she asks. He responds, "Well honey, as I remember,
I said, "Ohhhhhhhhh Baby, I'm going to suck the life out of those big
tits and screw your brains out."

She giggles and says, "Yes honey, that's it. That's exactly what you
said. So, now it's 50 years later, and I'm in the same negligee I wore
that night. What do you have to say tonight?" Again he looks at her and
looks her up and down and replies,

"Mission Accomplished."

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JOKE OF THE DAY
----------------
As wise men say, a joke a day keeps the doctor away. So step into the
health zone by sharing a hearty laugh. A variety of jokes that are
ludicrous and trivial, witty and wacky, spontaneous and sportive.
Wishing you a laugh riot.

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WORTH READING
-------------
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of wisdom that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your
chance to question the priorities of existence and also to get their
answers.

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**********************************************************************

18++ 23 Mar 2006

Form# 69
Version 1.0.2
Sexual Consent Form for two individuals

Whereas _________________, hereafter known as the first party,
and ______________, hereafter known as the second party, being of
consenting age and sound mind, hereby consent to the following
sexual acts, under the conditions and limitations listed below
within the time period between _______ and _______ For more then
two parties, see form 271828, a multi-party version of this form.

Part 1: Sexually transmitted diseases and pregnancy prevention.

This form assumes that both parties are in good health and free
of known sexually transmitted diseases. If either party consents
to any sexual acts while knowingly carrying a STD, that party
agrees to any costs incurred as a result of transmission of that
STD, and to furthermore pay punitive damages amounting to $_____.
Furthermore, each party agrees to acquire and properly use the
following methods of contraception and agrees to be liable for
failure of these contraceptive devices (check the appropriate
forms of contraception)

The first party agrees to obtain and use these forms of
contraception:

__ Condom ( __ with spermicidal lubricant)
__ Female condom (experimental. No liability is assumed for
pregnancy or STD transmission if this device fails).
__ Intrauterine device
__ Cervical Cap (__ with spermicide)
__ Diaphram ( __ with spermicide)
__ Birth control pill (Specify type:________)
__ Contraceptive sponge ( __ with spermicidal lubricant)
__ Spermicidal jelly or foam
__ Surgical sterilization ( __ Vasectomy __ Tubal ligation)
__ Norplant
__ RU 486 (Not legally available in the United States. Only for
use where legal)

The second party agrees to obtain and use these forms of
contraception:

__ Condom ( __ with spermicidal lubricant)
__ Female condom (experimental. No liability is assumed for
pregnancy or STD transmission if this device fails).
__ Intrauterine device
__ Cervical Cap (__ with spermicide)
__ Diaphram ( __ with spermicide)
__ Birth control pill (Specify type:________)
__ Contraceptive sponge ( __ with spermicidal lubricant)
__ Spermicidal jelly or foam
__ Surgical sterilization ( __ Vasectomy __ Tubal ligation)
__ Norplant
__ RU 486

Part 2: Pregnancy clause

If both the party of the first part and the party of the second
part agree that pregnancy is a goal of the sexual acts they wish
to engage in, check here: __. If pregnancy is anatomically
impossible, check here: __. If either of the previous two
conditions don't apply, the following clause applies.

In case of unwanted pregnancy, the parties agree to the following
actions: (Check all that apply)
__ Marriage
__ Abortion. Paid for by ____________
__ Adoption
__ DNA testing of fetus and both parties to insure that both
parties are the parents. Paid for by ____________
__ Single parentood by the following party:_________. In this
case, both parties are still financially responsible for the
offspring.
__ Single parenthood by the following party:________. This party
assumes sole fiscal responsibility.

Part 3: Consent of the first party.

The first party consents to the following sexual acts: (Check all that
the first party consents to. Any contact in the form of XXX-XXX, the
first part refers to the consenting party, and the second part refers to
the other party) Although the first party consents to allow the
following,
this is no way implies that any of the following acts will be carried
out.

__ Fully clothed bodily contact
__ Partially clothed bodily contact
__ Nude bodily contact
__ Hand-torso contact
__ Torso-hand contact
__ Hand-genital contact
__ Genital-hand contact
__ Hand-anal contact
__ Anal-hand contact
__ Oral-oral contact
__ Oral-oral contact involving the tongue
__ Oral-torso contact
__ Oral-torso contact involving the tongue
__ Torso-oral contact
__ Torso-oral contact involving the tongue
__ Oral-genital contact
__ Oral-genital contact involving the tongue
__ genital-oral contact
__ genital-oral contact involving the tongue
__ Oral-anal contact
__ Oral-anal contact involving the tongue
__ Anal-oral contact
__ Anal-oral contact involving the tongue
__ Masturbation in the presence of the other party
__ Sexual intercourse in the missionary position, on top.
__ Sexual intercourse in the missionary position, on the bottom.
__ Sexual intercourse "doggy style"
__ Sexual intercourse in other positions: _____
__ Anal intercourse.
__ Physically binding the other party.
__ Being physically bound by the other party.
__ Using the following devices on the other party: (The party assumes
all liability for malfunction or misuse of these devices):______
__ Having the following devices used upon the party by the other party:
__ Other:

Part 4: Consent of the second party.

The second party consents to the following sexual acts: (Check
all that the second party consents to. Any contact in the form
of XXX-XXX, the first part refers to the consenting party, and
the second part refers to the other party). Although the second
party consents to allow the following, this is no way implies
that any of the following acts will be carried out.

[A reference to Part 4 can be made in this regard.]

Part 5: Termination of consent.

Either party can nullify their consent to any specific act by
saying "_______" to the other party, or otherwise indicating
refusal to consent. Either party can also terminate all consent
to sexual activities by saying "______" to the other party, or by
indicating in the following manner that consent is no longer given:

Part 6: Non-disclosure

__ Check here if both parties agree to the following. If both parties
don't agree, then both parties are free to disclose all that occurs.

Both parties agree to only disclose the following information
concerning their sexual activities to others.

Any party who violates this section is liable for $___ in
punitive damages for each violation of this section.

Signed:
First party: _______________ Second party: _____________
Date: __________ Date: _________
Witnessed by: _______________ Date: _________

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JOKE OF THE DAY
----------------
As wise men say, a joke a day keeps the doctor away. So step into the
health zone by sharing a hearty laugh. A variety of jokes that are
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Wishing you a laugh riot.

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WORTH READING
-------------
Things they do not teach you at college! Life's puzzle unfolded. Words
of wisdom that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your
chance to question the priorities of existence and also to get their
answers.

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18++ 21 Mar 2006

Charlie marries a virgin, and it's their wedding night. He's on fire.
He gets naked, jumps into bed, and then starts groping her as soon as
she climbs in. She says, "Charles, I expect you to be as mannerly in
bed as you are at the dinner table."

He sits up, folds hands on his lap, and says, "Is that better?"

She says, "Much better."

He says, "Okay. Now will you please pass the pussy?"

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JOKE OF THE DAY
----------------
As wise men say, a joke a day keeps the doctor away. So step into the
health zone by sharing a hearty laugh. A variety of jokes that are
ludicrous and trivial, witty and wacky, spontaneous and sportive.
Wishing you a laugh riot.

Join the Joke of the Day mailing list @
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WORTH READING
-------------
Things they do not teach you at college! Life's puzzle unfolded. Words
of wisdom that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your
chance to question the priorities of existence and also to get their
answers.

Join the Worth Reading mailing list @
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Or simply go Blogging @
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********************** Legal Disclaimer ****************************
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**********************************************************************

18++ 20 Mar 2006

Three men all suffer an untimely death on the very same day. They all
wind up in purgatory and each has a sneaking suspicion that they will
unfortunately end up in Hell for their various evil deeds committed on
Earth. As this thought occurs to each of them, Satan suddenly appears
before the three men. Much to their delight, Satan offers each of them
one
final chance to escape a tortuous eternity in the firey bowels of Hell.
Satan says to them, "Gentlemen, you will be granted escape from Hell and
returned to Earth if you successfully complete the task I request from
you.".

Eagerly, the three men question exactly what it is that they must do in
order to return to Earth. Satan tells them, "You must select a fruit of
your choice and cram it up your ass without laughing. If you do this you
will be granted your freedom to return to Earth.". The three figure that
this sounds reasonable enough. The first man selects a peach. While he
is
positioning himself to start inserting the fruit he begin to snicker
because the fuzz on it tickles his bottom. POOF! Before he knows it, he
is
in Hell. As he looks around his new environment, POOF! the second man
appears next to him. The first man asks which fruit he selected that
made
him laugh and landed him in Hell. The second man replies, "I chose a
cherry.". The first man, puzzled how such a small fruit could possibly
cause him to laugh, asked him what went wrong. To this, the second man
replies, "I was getting along quite well with it right up until I made
the
mistake of looking at the last man holding a watermelon.".

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They inspire, they motivate and at times they tickle your funny bone.
But they never miss to touch your heart. Your daily supply of chosen
gems from the world of literature, ancient proverbs, poetry and sayings
from great leaders.

Join the Quote A Day mailing list @
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Or simply Blog it @
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JOKE OF THE DAY
----------------
As wise men say, a joke a day keeps the doctor away. So step into the
health zone by sharing a hearty laugh. A variety of jokes that are
ludicrous and trivial, witty and wacky, spontaneous and sportive.
Wishing you a laugh riot.

Join the Joke of the Day mailing list @
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Or simply go Blogging @
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WORTH READING
-------------
Things they do not teach you at college! Life's puzzle unfolded. Words
of wisdom that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your
chance to question the priorities of existence and also to get their
answers.

Join the Worth Reading mailing list @
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Or simply go Blogging @
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********************** Legal Disclaimer ****************************
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**********************************************************************

18++ 17 Mar 2006

Three men die in a car accident Christmas Eve. They all find
themselves
at the pearly gates waiting to enter heaven. On entering they are told
that they must present something "Christmassy." in order to get in.

The first man searches his pocket, and finds some pine needles from
the
family's Christmas tree. He is let it.

The second man presents a bow and some ribbon, from presents that
were
opened earlier in that night. So he is also allowed in.

The third man pulls out a pair of panties. Confused at this last
gesture, St. Peter asks, "How do these represent Christmas?"

To which he replies, "Oh, . . . They're Carol's."

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JOKE OF THE DAY
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As wise men say, a joke a day keeps the doctor away. So step into the
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WORTH READING
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18++ 14 Mar 2006

An Australian, a Frenchman and an Italian are talking about married
life:

Italian: When I finish making love to my wife, I cover her head to
toe in wine, then lick it off, and my wife, she goes wild..

Frenchman: When I finish making love to my wife, I cover her head
to toe in chocolate, then lick it off, and my wife, she goes wild..

Aussie: When I finish making love to my wife, I get out
of bed and wipe my dick on the curtains, and my wife, she goes wild..

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JOKE OF THE DAY
----------------
As wise men say, a joke a day keeps the doctor away. So step into the
health zone by sharing a hearty laugh. A variety of jokes that are
ludicrous and trivial, witty and wacky, spontaneous and sportive.
Wishing you a laugh riot.

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WORTH READING
-------------
Things they do not teach you at college! Life's puzzle unfolded. Words
of wisdom that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your
chance to question the priorities of existence and also to get their
answers.

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18++ 13 Mar 2006

Bob was driving home over the Golden Gate Bridge at about 90mph.
Wouldn't you know a cop jumped out and clocked him with radar. Bob
pulled over like a good citizen; recalling Rodney King and recent
illegal alien incidents. The cop walked up to the window and said,

"You know how fast you were going BOY ?!?"

Bob thought for a second and asked, "Uhhh, over 55?"

"93mph son! 93mph in a 55 zone!"

"But if you already knew," replied Bob, "Why did you ask me?"

Ignoring Bob, the officer continued, in his normal charming fashion,
"That's speeding and your getting a ticket and a fine!" The cop took
a good look at Bob and said, "You don't even look like you have a
job! Why,... I've never seen anyone so scruffy in my entire life!"

Bob recanted, "I've got a job! I have a good, well paying job!"

The cop leaned in the window, and with the smell of day old donuts
on his breath, said, "What kind of a job would a bum like you
have?!?"

"I'm an asshole stretcher!!!" replied Bob.

"What you say, BOY?!?" asked the patrolman.

"I'm an asshole stretcher!!!"

Of course the cop asked, "What does an asshole stretcher do?"

Bob explained, "People call me up and say they want to be
stretched, so I go over there and start with a couple of fingers,
then a couple more, and then one whole hand, then two. Then I pull
them farther and farther apart until it's six feet across."

The cop, absorbed with the images in his mind, let down his guard
and asked, "What the hell do you do with a six foot asshole ?"

Bob nonchalantly commented, "You give it a radar gun and stick
it at the end of a bridge!

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JOKE OF THE DAY
----------------
As wise men say, a joke a day keeps the doctor away. So step into the
health zone by sharing a hearty laugh. A variety of jokes that are
ludicrous and trivial, witty and wacky, spontaneous and sportive.
Wishing you a laugh riot.

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WORTH READING
-------------
Things they do not teach you at college! Life's puzzle unfolded. Words
of wisdom that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your
chance to question the priorities of existence and also to get their
answers.

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18++ 10 Mar 2006

At a party, a women was observing a child who would hold his chest
whenever he bent down.

After a few minutes, the woman asked the kid, "Why do you hold your
chest whenever you bend down?"

The kid said, "One day, my teacher was writing on the board, the chalk
fell down, and when my teacher bent down to pick up the chalk, I saw
her lungs comes out of her chest."

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JOKE OF THE DAY
----------------
As wise men say, a joke a day keeps the doctor away. So step into the
health zone by sharing a hearty laugh. A variety of jokes that are
ludicrous and trivial, witty and wacky, spontaneous and sportive.
Wishing you a laugh riot.

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WORTH READING
-------------
Things they do not teach you at college! Life's puzzle unfolded. Words
of wisdom that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your
chance to question the priorities of existence and also to get their
answers.

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18++ 9 Mar 2006

Roger was a hard-working guy whose evenings were spent playing
volleyball and bowling. For his birthday, his wife took him to a strip
club. The bouncer at the door said, "Hi, Roger, good to see ya again."

The wife asked, "Have you been here before?"
Roger said, "Oh no, he's on my bowling team!"

A waitress came to their table and said, "Hey Roger, the usual?" The
wife said, "Are you sure you've never been here before?" "No, no, hon,"
Roger protested. "I know her from volleyball!"

A stripper came over, threw her arms around him and said, "Another lap
dance tonight, Roger?" The wife leaped to her feet and stormed out.

Roger followed, saw her getting into a cab and leaped inside before she
could slam the door. Furious, she let him have it with both barrels.

When she paused for breath, the taxi driver said, "Boy, you picked up a
real bitch tonight, Roger!"

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JOKE OF THE DAY
----------------
As wise men say, a joke a day keeps the doctor away. So step into the
health zone by sharing a hearty laugh. A variety of jokes that are
ludicrous and trivial, witty and wacky, spontaneous and sportive.
Wishing you a laugh riot.

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Or simply go Blogging @
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WORTH READING
-------------
Things they do not teach you at college! Life's puzzle unfolded. Words
of wisdom that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your
chance to question the priorities of existence and also to get their
answers.

Join the Worth Reading mailing list @
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Or simply go Blogging @
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**********************************************************************

18++ 8 Mar 2006

The other day, while I was seeing my shrink, he asked me what I looked
for
in a woman.
Naturally I replied, "Big tits."
He said, "No, I meant for a serious relationship."
So I said, "Oh, seriously big tits."
"No, no, no. I mean what do you look for in the one woman you want to
spend
the rest of your life with?"
He looked at me kind of worried as I just sat there on his couch
laughing
until my gut hurt. Spend the rest of my life with one woman? No woman's
tits
are that big.

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They inspire, they motivate and at times they tickle your funny bone.
But they never miss to touch your heart. Your daily supply of chosen
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from great leaders.

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JOKE OF THE DAY
----------------
As wise men say, a joke a day keeps the doctor away. So step into the
health zone by sharing a hearty laugh. A variety of jokes that are
ludicrous and trivial, witty and wacky, spontaneous and sportive.
Wishing you a laugh riot.

Join the Joke of the Day mailing list @
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WORTH READING
-------------
Things they do not teach you at college! Life's puzzle unfolded. Words
of wisdom that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your
chance to question the priorities of existence and also to get their
answers.

Join the Worth Reading mailing list @
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18++ 7 Mar 2006

The following two jokes were told to Eleanor Randolph (Waking the
Tempests, 1996) by Russian women.

What is a Russian man's idea of foreplay?
"Honey, what's wrong with the television? I think it must be broken."

"He has the 6:30 problem." Meaning he is impotent (visualize an
analog clock).

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But they never miss to touch your heart. Your daily supply of chosen
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from great leaders.

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Or simply Blog it @
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JOKE OF THE DAY
----------------
As wise men say, a joke a day keeps the doctor away. So step into the
health zone by sharing a hearty laugh. A variety of jokes that are
ludicrous and trivial, witty and wacky, spontaneous and sportive.
Wishing you a laugh riot.

Join the Joke of the Day mailing list @
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Or simply go Blogging @
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WORTH READING
-------------
Things they do not teach you at college! Life's puzzle unfolded. Words
of wisdom that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your
chance to question the priorities of existence and also to get their
answers.

Join the Worth Reading mailing list @
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Or simply go Blogging @
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18++ 6 Mar 2006

A woman walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist if he sells size
extra large condoms.

He replies, "Yes we do. Would you like to buy some?"

She responds, "No, but do you mind if I wait around here until someone
does?

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They inspire, they motivate and at times they tickle your funny bone.
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from great leaders.

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Or simply Blog it @
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JOKE OF THE DAY
----------------
As wise men say, a joke a day keeps the doctor away. So step into the
health zone by sharing a hearty laugh. A variety of jokes that are
ludicrous and trivial, witty and wacky, spontaneous and sportive.
Wishing you a laugh riot.

Join the Joke of the Day mailing list @
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WORTH READING
-------------
Things they do not teach you at college! Life's puzzle unfolded. Words
of wisdom that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your
chance to question the priorities of existence and also to get their
answers.

Join the Worth Reading mailing list @
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18++ 2 Mar 2006

Choose your favourite rude bumper sticker!

1. Who lit the fuse on your tampon?
2. Support Cannibalism - EAT ME!
3. God is my co-pilot, but the Devil is my bombardier.
4. I don't have a license to kill. I have a learner's permit.
5. I wasn't born a bitch. Men like you made me this way.
6. Keep honking while I reload.
7. Taxation WITH representation isn't so hot either!
8. Who were the beta testers for Preparations A through G?
9. Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.
10. 5 days a week my body is a temple. The other two, it's an amusement
park.
11. EARTH FIRST! We'll strip-mine the other planets later.
12. Your child may be an honor student but you're still an idiot.
13. If you drink, don't park. Accidents cause people.
14. If you can read this, I can hit my brakes and sue you.
15. Save the whales! Trade them for valuable prizes.
16. Whitewater is over when the First Lady sings.
17. Jack Kevorkian for White House physician.
18. Just say no! to sex with pro-lifers.
19. My wife keeps complaining I never listen to her...or something like
that.
20. Sure you can trust the government! Just ask an Indian!
21. Alcohol and calculus don't mix. Never drink and derive.
22. If we are what we eat; I'm cheap, fast, and easy.
23. Stop repeat offenders. Don't re-elect them!

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They inspire, they motivate and at times they tickle your funny bone.
But they never miss to touch your heart. Your daily supply of chosen
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from great leaders.

Join the Quote A Day mailing list @
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JOKE OF THE DAY
----------------
As wise men say, a joke a day keeps the doctor away. So step into the
health zone by sharing a hearty laugh. A variety of jokes that are
ludicrous and trivial, witty and wacky, spontaneous and sportive.
Wishing you a laugh riot.

Join the Joke of the Day mailing list @
http://groups-beta.google.com/group/JokeOfTheDay
Or simply go Blogging @
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WORTH READING
-------------
Things they do not teach you at college! Life's puzzle unfolded. Words
of wisdom that motivate you to introspect and reflect. Here's your
chance to question the priorities of existence and also to get their
answers.

Join the Worth Reading mailing list @
http://groups-beta.google.com/group/WorthReading
Or simply go Blogging @
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********************** Legal Disclaimer ****************************
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